Please Help

barber1982

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celtic_curl

Hi, sorry to hear you're so upset, I'm sure this is a very distressing time for you. I don't know if my thoughts will help or not but sometimes a bit of distance from a problem can be great for seeing things more clearly. You're not sure your bf is cheating but it's clear that you believe he is. A relationship without trust is not worth having. You indicate that you feel insecure because he is younger than you - I don't know the full details but if you have low self confidence then this will impact on your ability to conduct a relationship, if your partner has contributed to your low self confidence e.g. making comments about your age / appearance etc then you are better off without him.

Your situation may seem critical at the moment but there may be other solutions rather than returning to NI. Could you stay with friends short term whilst you sort yourself out?

You need to talk this out calmly with your bf. Try to avoid shouting - it achieves nothing. Allow him an opportunity to explain and then decide if you believe him or not. Do not be tempted to accept his explanations just because you are afraid of a relationship breakdown or having to find a new home. As I said before, a relationship without trust is not worth having. If you don't believe him then the problem won't go away and you will just be delaying the inevitable which will cause you more pain in the long run.

Whatever you decide, work on your feelings of self worth - if you don't love yourself you'll never accept than anyone else does and will continue to look for problems where sometimes they don't exist.

I hope you get to the truth and have the strength to deal with it whatever it is. I suggest you call a good friend and talk it over.

Take care and good luck

mummytomoo&roo

I really feel for you on this. I found some emails from a girl to my husband and absolutely flipped.

It turned out to be quite innocent but it really hurt.

He was playing poker and chatting in a chatroom but they sent each other a private message got chatting and she emailed a pic of herself and he sent back a reply telling her how pretty she was. During their conversations he had failed to mention he was married with 2 kids!

I found the emails and pics and went ape.

He didn't see any harm in it. Men just don't think the same way we do so this file might not mean a thing. He wouldn't have left it on comp if he knew you would be able to find it........

You need to talk to your bf and see what he says. Give him the chance to explain.

My hubby said he was flattered by the attention of a pretty young girl but that's as far as it went.

I agree with what celtic curl says. Trust is everything and if you can't trust him then you need to move on.

Does sound as though he is being a bit devious in changing his email address but there might be a perfectly reasonable reason to this.

I take my phone with me everywhere - it doesn't mean anything. You are probably looking for things to be suspicious about.

Hope everything works out for you.

Doozergirl

If an email address belongs to him, why should he give you the password?

Have you considered that the fact that you seem to want to check his phone and email is perhaps the reason that he has withdrawn those from your access? You shouldn't really be checking up on him

Tread carefully because emails and a picture sent over the internet aren't exactly good grounds for accusing someone of having an affair. They may however be good reason to set some ground rules. They do still need to be reasonable rules though, you can't just ban him from speaking to women on the internet fullstop, that would be too hard.

My husband plays backgammon and chats to people while he plays, and I live here on MSE and do on occassion converse with people off the boards. It's all entirely innocent!

Unless you have hard evidence, I'd be very careful. You could end up ruining a perfectly good relationship if it is your nature to be too possessive. You do need trust - but it works both ways!

seven-day-weekend

Sorry, I don't agree with Dozergirl at all, he has no business having pictures of women sent to him and e-mailing them if his wife is upset about it.

It does not necessarily mean an affair, but it is something that needs sorting out.

back2square1

Sorry I feel really terrible for typing this but if he keeps his phone with him at all times then it is a sure sign that they are up to something. My ex-husband had 2 affairs whilst I was married to him and it always started with him keeping his phone with him at all times. It is a real tell tale sign. I cannot say that this is definitely what your boyfriend is up to but to be honest I would be suspicious.
Two years later I have now met someone else and we are very happy together. He leaves his phone on the side and I never check his texts or calls. I never did with my ex husband either but when he kept it constantly in his pocket on silent then it's pretty obvious why. He also used to conveniently leave his phone at work too.