Stepson-Another baby on the way.

oysterman

Looking for a some advice. Sorry its a long one

stepson is 26 yo this year. When he was 16 he fathered a child(boy). He had limited contact due to being in & out of prison. We have had no contact at all with the child, the boys guardian's choice, we understood this because we did not find out until he was 4 that he existed & she did not want to upset him anymore.
Last year he got together with a girl & she got pregnant. my wife was over the moon, but before the baby was born they split up. Now this time we made sure we were there to help the mum as much as we could. We see him approx once a month due to the distance involved. Stepson has not seen him since the end of last year or provided any money for his child(now solicitors are invovled).
Now this is the thing that has got me fuming, he got together with another girl & now she is 20 weeks pregnant (we found out from his ex) He wants us to be there for the birth & everything, but we cannot forget that he has already got 2 kids, which he does not see or provide for, we are scared to get emotionally involved with this to end up like the others. We have not met the mum to be yet either. Its as if the making of babies & pregnancy is great but as soon as it becomes hard or difficult he legs it.

What would you do in the circumstances, any advice would be appreciated.
cheers in advance

skyrocket

You have my sympathies for yours and your wifes part in this situation. It is not easy.
Your stepson sounds like a real loser who needs to start growing up. People like him make me hopping mad!
What makes this baby any different than the others? That he is still with the mother? What will happen if they split up? Has he heard of condoms? Have you asked him any of these questions?

I would steer clear of this situation for a while,take a step back and tell him you are wary of getting involved because of how he keeps dumping his children and tell him to start developing a spine and take care of the children he so readily creates here there and everywhere. If you keep stepping in to help you are doing him no favours.

Keep up your contact with the second child. The kids in this situation don't deserve any of this and you sound like nice caring people, but it makes me mad that men like your stepson just drift through life with no thought to the poor kids they create.

I hope this time the mother is a nice girl and will make an effort to keep ties with you.
Who knows maybe this time things will be different?

Broken_hearted

Theres not a lot you can do to stop him. Maybe his mam could explain how upset she is and how missing out on seeing the grandchildren is hurting her.

hobo28

My thoughts are support your son by being there and be happy for him. But don't support financially or otherwise his previous relationships. Thats HIS job and his responsibility.

He's old enough to lead his life his way and I doubt anything you say will make much difference.

Carmina_Piranha_3

it's possible that the woman he's with now will encourage him to grow up and start acting responsibly towards his existing children, i've seen it happen. she has a baby and realises that the baby has brothers and sisters out there, and she wants everyone to get on and be friends. she probably thinks your son was not to blame for anything that's happened in the past and will see this new baby as a fresh start, a chance to try to get relationships with his other babies back on track.

you never know, fingers crossed

Clive_Woody

oysterman wrote: »

What would you do in the circumstances, any advice would be appreciated.
cheers in advance

Take him to the vets and have him neutered.

howdumbarewe!

Sorry I haven't got much advice eto give one the situation. I just wanted to say that it is very good of you to want relationships with your grandchildren. It is also very good that you disaprove of your step-sons behaviour.
My ex's parents have not seen my daughter for 6 years and although it upset her loads in the beginning as she was rather close to them she did get over it eventually. Her grandfather lives 3 hours away but he regularly visits my ex (just over a mile away from us) and he knows where we live. But her grandmother only lives 2 miles away and just hasn't bothered at all even though I have offered several times.

My point is that even though your stepson is not showing any responsibility you and your wife are and that this will definitely have a positive effect on your grandchild in the future as even though his father did not want him his grandparents do.

I would suggest being there for the new baby and if everything does go wrong again then just be there for this child also. If you decide not to be there for the new baby and everything works out and your stepson sticks around this time that you are excluded from the childs life because you did not want to know about the baby to start off with.
Hope I made sense there.
Good luck
Lisa

oysterman

Cheers for the replies, gives us a few things to think about.