possible marriage break up, help needed

SHEARERBOBS

HI

Don’t know if in the right place, if not kick me off!!!!!!!!!!!

Me and OH have a little boy of 2. For the past few weeks we’ve had row after row and I don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to leave him, but our little boy is such a happy soul it would destroy him as he thinks the world of his daddy.

It tends to start if he’s had a few drinks, and he brings allsorts of things up. Don’t get me wrong he’s not in the pub constantly but likes to call for a pint on way home from work.

I just don’t know what to do. I know if I left I couldn’t cope financially and we’d have nowhere to go! Each time I look at my little boy I want to cry.

Morglin

If drink changes his behaviour, then it's a problem.

Perhaps sit down (when he's not been to the pub), and tell him how unhappy you are, and how unhappy your lad would be if you had to split?

You need to communicate to find you exactly what the problems are.

If you do decide to leave, then see the CAB or a solicitor to find out what your rights are with the home, finances etc.,

Lin

Avoriaz

It is far too early to even start thinking of leaving him.

If your boy is 2, you must have been with this man for at least 3 years.

Do what Morglin advises above and talk to him.

Communication is the first step to resolving marital difficulties.

Good luck.

belfastgirl23

If it's only when he's had a few drinks, there's something bothering him that he can't communicate to you for some reason. In my experience men are not so good at identifying their emotions properly and it comes out in sideways. Is there something you can think of that might be bothering him - any illness in the family, worries at work, money worries etc? You might be getting the brunt of it not because of anything you've done but just because the emotions are coming out wrong. I think you need to make space to sit down just the two of you and ask him what is going on in a calm, non accusatory way. Tell him you're worried about him, that he seems unhappy and you want to help. You might have to go at it a few different times and a few different ways but you'll get to the bottom of it eventually. But don't assume that it's about you or your relationship until he tells you so.

Good luck!

snowmaid

How are your finances? If you are feeling the pinch at the moment, finances are one of the biggest destroyers of a relationship. If this is a problem, try sit down together to come up with a plan.

If your finances are fine, or even if they aren't, when last have you 2 had 'alone' time without baby? This is so important and most people fall into a 'routine' trap of 'mummy and daddy' and forget that there is a relationship between the 2 of you as well.

If you haven't been out, try arrange for a babysitter to look after your little one for a night at the weekend, then take yourselves off for a 'dirty' weekend away! Don't feel guilty about baby, children thrive if the parents are happy.

Of course, there could be something deeper, but look at these as possible causes first.

pinkshoes

Ditto to what some of the others said - it's a little early to be thinking about leaving him. Men aren't the greatest of communicators (!), so maybe this is his way of saying "something is bothering me"? Maybe both go out for a meal, or somewhere where can talk but can't yell at each other or make a scene! Discuss your relationship, where it's going, why you're arguing, and maybe it'll all get sorted out and things can go back to normal.

why not meet him in the pub after work? take your kid along and let him play in the beer garden!

lynzpower

I know you are a DFW shearer, and TBH I think many/ most DFWs at some time feel their relationships getting a bit rocky.

I dont know if its the feeling of being hemmed in ( cant go anywhere, cant spend) or the boredom of it, but being skint makes people argumentative and grouchy.

You need to talk, not row. If he starts a row with you- evade it, and dont allow it to continue. dont retaliate. take your boy to a mates. family members house and have an evening in the park chat it over, and hopefully youll be able to get to the bottom of it x

back2square1

If after sitting down and speaking to your husband the situation does not improve and you are seriously considering splitting up then please do not think that this will destroy your son. It would be alot worse if you stayed together and argued all the time; that is not a happy environment for your son to grow up in.
I split with my husband over 2yrs ago, at the time our sons were aged 3 and 5. My youngest handled it very well because of him being so young. Both of my boys feel they have the best of both worlds because they have two homes, two bedrooms and most importantly two much happier parents who love them dearly.

If you do split up ensure your son always sees his father on a regular basis. Children need routine and stability, my sons know where they stand because they know exactly what days they spend with their father. Plus they know they can always telephone him if they want to. IF you split up your son will adapt very well because he is very young and as long as both of you as parents ensure he is your number one priority.

HOPEFULLY you won't split up and can work through this rocky period. I just thought it would be best to tell you to stop worrying about your son if you split up. You should be worrying about what impact your arguments could be having on your son right now.