Is money an impersonal wedding gift?

powerbase

Hi all,

Just want you thoughts. Is giving money an impersonal wedding gift?

I've been to weddings before were money was requested (which I think was a little cheeky; you get you invitation and an extra note that says we would appreciate money as gifts as we want to go round the world for a year) so no real thought needed.

What do you buy people who have everything and when they do buy anything is it the best money can buy and they have no wedding list? I think money is a bit impersonal and was thinking of maybe getting something else as well, something small so it's not just money. Any suggestions? I was guessing they wanted money because there is no list and they have most things.

Also what is the going rate these days if you do give money?

Thanks

tifnstav

I have been in that situation a few times and tend to get a voucher for a local restaurant, the cost being a rough amount for a meal for two.
Its a bit more personal than money, and gives the couple a night out by themselves after the wedding.

VickyA_2

Hi there,

Personally, I dislike giving money as a present as I feel that people can be made to look "tight" because they "only" gave £x, even though that maybe way more than they can afford. Sounds silly, but I feel that material gifts are a good way of dispensing with that awkwardness.

If they haven't sent a gift list, then it may well be because they're not trying to offend anyone. At our wedding last year, we didn't send a gift list out with the invitations because we didn't want anyone to feel pressurised into giving us a present, just because that's what people seem to do. We were of the opinion that we just wanted people to witness our marriage and join in our celebrations. With people coming from up and down the country and having to stay overnight in hotels, we thought that they were spending alot anyway! As it was, a large proportion of guests asked whether we did have a gift list and I was shocked at the generosity of people. (ie they were too generous) Ask them whether they do have a list, you never know.

Alternatively, these are some ideas that people came up with for our wedding and that I've seen elsewhere:
* Afternoon Tea for 2 at The Dorchester
* A "montage" of pictures of DH and I
* Money to be spent specifically on a meal at some stage after our wedding, when everything had "calmed down".
* Wine tasting experience
* Bottle of champagne

powerbase

Thanks,

Asked for a list and there is none. I hate the money thing as it's in your face how much you spent. Thanks for the suggestion. Meal out may be a good alternative.

How much do people spent on gifts these days?

moremental

I think this is a big problem of how much to give. For one person giving £200 is a weeks wage while for another it’s not even half a day’s work. The person with more money can give £250 without a problem and look more generous but really it’s the person with little money who gave less (if you do the percentage it’s more of their income and they probably have less disposable income anyway). I don’t think people think of this when receiving gifts.

Giving money can show you up as being tight with your money when you aren’t. A present avoids this.

On another note if you having to travel and stay overnight for a few days the cost of going to wedding really adds up. The moneysaver in me says going to the wedding should be enough.

The traditionalist in me says if the couple have been living together and set up home then again what is the point of gifts? Years ago people started out with nothing and simple towels etc were all appreciated because people had nothing. Today it seems a little pointless giving presents to people who have a home set up, have everything they need and are financially secure. I’d rather give the money to charity. I just think it has gone a bit commercialised.

Fen_2

Giving money at weddings is the thing to do in the Mediterranean, but not really in northern Europe - it's just one of those cultural things.
I agree with the previous posts: giving a voucher for a nice meal somewhere or an "experience" is a good way of giving something a bit out of the ordinary whilst not giving the couple yet more junk.
I'm also a bit peeved with the invite and present list in the same envelope combo. It's just plain rude. Most guests now are savvy enough to ask whether there is a list, either directly or with their RSVP.

VickyA_2

moremental wrote: »

I’d rather give the money to charity. I just think it has gone a bit commercialised.

Thinking along these lines, we received a gift card from friends that said that they had donated the wages of a teacher in Africa (through Oxfam Unwrapped) as a wedding present. I'm a teacher, hence the thought on that.

Other friends received the "sponsorship" of an elderly couple through Help the Aged.

If you go for the meal option, we found that £50 was MORE than generous.

scubaleopard

We went to a super wedding where it was actually stated that please just come and enjoy our day with us. If you do want to give a gift here is a list of our favourite charities. What a super idea. We gave a goat for Ethiopia.

powerbase

scubaleopard wrote: »

We went to a super wedding where it was actually stated that please just come and enjoy our day with us. If you do want to give a gift here is a list of our favourite charities. What a super idea. We gave a goat for Ethiopia.

I think that's an amazing idea. I would like to do something similar when I get married.

Meal vouchers and small gift then (as they haven't mentioned a charity ever I doubt it would be appreciated if I gave the money to a charity instead). Thanks for your help.

janthemum

I think asking for money for a wedding gift is rude and greedy.

My husband and I married twice (long story....soon realised divorce was a mistake) and both times asked for no presents just wanted those we cared about to be there with us.

After all in this day and age we have most things dont we....and dont get me onto the wedding "greed" list, never got my head round that one either.

Destined_to_be_skint

If they have no list, have you asked them if they would like a present at all? They may not want anything.

I am toying with what to do with ours as I really don't want to wind up with a shelf full of ornaments that I hate and feel obliged to keep (like bro in law) because we didn't set up a list as we have everything we need. I would rather people just came to the wedding than worry about what to give.

Having said that, I've no objection to being asked to contribute a cheque to the "bedroom furniture fund" and in Indian and Chinese cultures it is expected to give cash.

Regarding the inclusion of the wedding list in the invite, from a brides point of view, you have to send the info out twice and pay twice for postage, and spend twice as much time addressing envelopes, etc., so it makes sense to include it. If you don't, you run the risk of the five toaster syndrome and everyone gets upset when they visit your house and can't see their gift in use. Which is right? I don't see why people get so het up about it when they were expecting to buy a gift anyway. If there is a wedding list the couple will know how much has been spent. it all seems very illogical to me.

The only thing that I think is bad ettiquette is not sending thank you letters afterwards.