Wife upset that I didn't go with her to Spa.

[Deleted User]

I booked a one night away in a fancy hotel with my wife, first night away in ages.
Anyway this place has a fancy spa which she wanted to go to so she got a massage, my problem is I feel so awkward in the spa, watching loads of strangers walking around in a robe and slippers in the end I walked out and went back to the room, I really felt uncomfortable there, problem is it has really upset my wife, I don't know why but I just hate spas they are just not for me....

daisiegg

Did you walk out without telling her where you were going or why? That's the only thing I can think of that would have upset her.

I'm the same about spas, except I'm the woman and my (male) fianc! loves them! He once made me get a full body massage on holiday and it was a terrible experience, never to be repeated. He will always get a massage if we're at a hotel with a spa and I never go with him, but he doesn't get cross or upset!

londonsurrey

You gave it a go to try to please her. She can't ask for more than that.

I assume you didn't gargle with the cucumber water, threaten to flash anyone or try to slurp the face mask off her.

onlyroz

Oh deary me I'd have refused to go in the first place.

However, I can see how she might be upset if you just walked out without saying where you were going.

bodmil

Oh I would have been very upset if it was one special night. Why book something you don't want to do? She probably thought it was all about the two of you and you couldn't get over what other people were up to.

thehappybutterfly

To be honest I wouldn't have expected my hubby to join me in a spa. To me, that's a girlie activity! I'd have left him in the bar or in the pool while I chilled out.

Say you'd taken her to the golf course/football match/thrash metal gig in the hope that she'd enjoy it and she walked out because she hated it, would you be upset?

lostinrates

My dh loves spas. He could live in one. I get bored after a short while floating about or inhaling steam, but he can do it for hours on end. If I could take a good book with me I would love it......but the water would be no good for the book.

Treatments on the other hand I adore. I could have a day long massage while he floated about in a tepid pool and we'd be happy, but miss each other.

belfastgirl23

If she came out of her massage all chilled out and spent the next 15 minutes searching the spa in her bathrobe looking for you then I'd get being upset feeling abandoned is horrible, especially if other people are witness to it. I'd say she felt that you thought she wasn't worth waiting for. Not a nice feeling. In your shoes I'd apologise profusely and admit to thoughtlessness.

But once things have settled down, you should also be clear that spas are not for you and next time round you'll bring a book and wait in the bar

gibson123

i would have been surprised that you went in the first place. Next time book a round of golf while she is in the spa.

seashore22

1) If we were going away for a romantic weekend I would expect us to do things together. Especially if it was a rare event as you have suggested.

2) If my husband didn't want to do the spa then I would expect him to say so and then I would respect that decision and find something we both wanted to do. I would also expect the same if the situation was reversed.

3) If my husband agreed to do the spa (I assume she didn't force you to go?) then I would be fuming if he just decided to leave, whether he told me he was going or not. To be abandoned on a romantic treat is not nice!

For a bit of background info, my husband loves spas and would be very happy to go. Don't think he would want any pampering, but loves a good sauna.

podperson

I think it depends on how you went about the leaving part tbh. If you said something like, 'I'm really sorry love, but I'm feeling a bit awkward in here, you enjoy your massage though and I'll see you back at the room in a bit' - there fine, all ok (in my opinion). If you started moaning, acting like you didn't want to be there or simply left and she had no idea where you'd gone - then it's fair enough for her to be upset.

I wouldn't expect my OH to come to a spa with me as I know it wouldn't be his thing. But I would expect him to either say beforehand and not come, or if he'd agreed to come as a favour or so we could spend time together then to actually stay and put up with a good grace! If he then left in the middle I would be a bit annoyed too.