Real-life MMD: Should I pay to see my girlfriend?

Darren_lane_2

Pay to see her-surely that's tantamount to prostitution!

bogwart

With that kind of cavalier attitude you don't deserve to keep her, and I can guarantee you won't. If you can't make it every weekend then make it less regularly, but be responsible for your own choices.

Surely this is something the two of you should have discussed before she left?

Arthog

OP, listen to the underlying messages in these replies!
If yours is a real, loving relationship, you'll find ways of spending time together, and you'll feel together even when you are miles apart. Also - spending time apart will test your relationship - this is vital so you find out how much it matters - or not!

milvusvestal

I find it difficult to believe what I'm reading here.

If your affection for your girlfriend has to be measured in monetary terms, it rather signifies your immaturity. Love is not a question of pounds and pence, but rather how much you mean to each other and whether the relationship can stand the test of time as well as distance. Or is it that you fear you might lose her to someone else?

It was long ago, I know, but millions of husbands, wives, fiancees and girlfriends were seperated during both WWs. Often, contact was lost for weeks, months, and in many cases longer.

If your love for this girl is boundless, then you would move heaven and earth to be near her as often as possible, regardless of the travel costs - and remember, if you marry her, you'll be the breadwinner and paying for both of you anyway. Your money will be hers and vice versa.

tallgirld

Wow! I am surprised she didn't dump you as soon as you suggested it!!

If you are already arguing about money imagine what it will be like if you get married and have a mortgage. "you pay"...... "No I paid last time" :-)

honey10

When my now husband and I met, we lived 60 miles apart, and it used to cost me £30 to go up to him, plus hotel/food costs.
We were both on benefits at the time, him JSA, me IS, but most of the time I went up to him and we split hotel costs, food costs etc.
It cost most of our fortnightly money, but we wouldn't have had it any other way x

karma240

I am surprised at the number of people on a MONEYSAVING website who are completely disregarding the cost of travel. The reality is no matter how much he loves her it costs money to go, so if it uses every penny he has then it is unreasonable to go that often without a contribution.

My OH and I lived apart after uni and managed most weekends, but although I had more money, we went halves on the train because we both benefited. That doesn't mean one of us didn't care, it meant we were realistic. If she can't contribute then fair enough, he should visit less, but if she could contribute proportionally then she should do so. Or she is the one who doesn't care about him. Would you say it was his fault if she dumped him for not using all his money to visit her when she contributed nothing? I would be calling her selfish. Yes there are associated costs with having him visit, but food does not cost as much as travelling abroad, if it does she is not living as a student.

reluctantworkingmum

You are earning - she is not!
You accept she is worse off than you but you want HER to pay half your travel fare??
If she is reading this - I suspect this dilemma will resolve itself!
For you to ask the question should be a warning to her.

florere

Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship, if you resent paying your own train fares don't go, you admit that you are better of than she is, so why do you think she should pay half your fare, perhaps 15% would be fairer.

elizabethhull

When my parents were first married, like many they were separated by the War for 3 years. During that time my father wrote EVErY SINGLE DAY. We still have all the loving letters. Nowadays, people have email, texts, Skype (poss with webcams), as well as the phone. You don't need to see each other every weekend if it's love. If it's not, then it will fizzle out naturally. Have you thought of actually bothering to put pen to paper and writing her letters when you can't see her ? I imagine that will really show her you care, and then the, say, 1 in 3 weekends you visit will be extra special, and affordable.