'supporting each other through really tough times'

Peanut2013

Oh Molly I'm sorry I didn't mean to come across that way, I am very very grateful

It's just hard at the moment, so many things are in contract and we cant change (joys of moving house last October).

The sim only contract is a good idea once this one ends. I will admit I can't be without my iphone (how sad is that?).

The car - we really can't go carless. I know for a fact bus's would cost me more than petrol money. I'm very lucky not to pay insurance or tax.

I've checked the entitled to website and it says we earn too much??

It's silly little things that I know add up. Like buying LO swimmers, a new bouncy chair and a sleeping bag. I know it's possibly to go without but the bouncy chair is my lifesaver (most days it's the only way I can put him down), he kept kicking off his blankets and waking up (so bought the bag) and I don't want him to be scared of water so needed to buy swimmers to be able to take him in the pool.

Paint for his nursery? Well I hate to admit but his room was pretty nasty and I just wanted to make it nice

The presents / meals out don't appear often but as it was a friends 21st I didn't really want to refuse to come out. We used to meet for drinks after, but obviously can't do this now. Do others just not go? Do friends mind that you never celebrate with them or buy them a gift?

Easter eggs I did pretty well thanks to Mr T. Got them all for £6. The other option was everyone putting in £5 for a curry night, but this would have been dearer!

Next month I can already see we have a meal to celebrate a dear friend leaving their job. It's a set menu so will cost £50 for the both of us but we've worked with her for 10 years and I'd love to be there for the celebration. Do people really just not go?

Molly again I really do apologise

Bigjenny

Peanut it might be worth checking the entitled to site again in a few days as all the benefit rates change in April, not quite sure which date.

savingqueen

Peanut - sorry you are struggling with your finances and well done for being brave doing a SOA, not an easy thing to do. You have had some good suggestions so will try not to repeat them. Your electric bill and house insurance is low so well done.

I have done a quick reccy dividing essentials ie. rent, council tax, utilities, mobile, TV licence, pension, insurance, food and petrol.

The rest like meals, pressies and baby bits total about £185, the bulk of your £250 deficit. I can totally understand wanting.... heck even needing a few of these spends, I am the same. However for now your budget doesn't balance so you will have to cut everything non essential out and/or reduce the essentials til you break even at the very least. Unless you can increase your income something will need to give if you want to avoid getting into debt.

Personally I would let everyone know you are not making ends meet, no need to go into details, just be honest. Tell them there will be no more pressies, meals out etc until your financial situation improves. You can not get blood out of a stone! You may find other family/friends will confide that they are in the same boat. They may also think of you when they are having a clear out of unwanted baby bits etc.

I would then look at the remaining shortfall of about £65 - this will improve once the TV licence halves. Areas that seem the most likely candidates for tweaking are groceries and mobiles.

Then you need to consider any extras - eg how much do the baby groups cost? You may need to cut your journeys down to save petrol. Do you have other little spends like newspapers/mags, coffees out or whatever - these need to go.

Don't underestimate the little things, a few pennies here and there all add up. There are lots of things I did in the past that I no longer do - eg rarely use a hairdryer or iron nowdays. Other things I have kept that are more important to me.

BTW if you have a savings plan for the baby, put it on hold. Don't want to assume anything just brainstorming. A friend of mine is up to her eyeballs in debt and insists in saving her child benefit into a savings account for her child. Ours goes on food/bills as it is meant to be used.

keep us posted with your progress. Sorry if I sound harsh but really I just want to help. We all do. You will get there, hang in there peanut.

whiteguineapig

peanut, have a look at talk talk
we get very good broadband and downloads (3 comps 1 laptop here)
free local calls , they also give you an option to pay a year up front, which i managed to do, so now i just pay around £5 per week

remember if you switch or buy anything to go through topcashback

just wanted to add that i too have cut out nearly all presents (everyone still knows i love them lol)

savingqueen

The presents / meals out don't appear often but as it was a friends 21st I didn't really want to refuse to come out. We used to meet for drinks after, but obviously can't do this now. Do others just not go? Do friends mind that you never celebrate with them or buy them a gift?

Next month I can already see we have a meal to celebrate a dear friend leaving their job. It's a set menu so will cost £50 for the both of us but we've worked with her for 10 years and I'd love to be there for the celebration. Do people really just not go?

re above: yes I am sure some friends do mind but those friends don't tend to last in the longer term. True friends understand. We have had to turn down invites to weddings and birthday meals over the last few years amongst other things. Had a big family occasion a couple of years ago in Ireland - scraped enough for DH's flight (his side of family) and he went on his own. A few people commented which we ignored, the rest understood. DH and I's priorities are keeping a roof over our heads and putting food on the family table. It is really hard sometimes but we have accepted our situation and get on with it. We are luckier than a lot of others with one average wage coming in so I try and remember this.

Pooky

If you can afford to go then yes, go, but if it means you having to go without something basic like heat or food then no, don't go. When I first had my daughters money was very tight and any social events that required money were out of the question. People don't mind, especially if you're upfront with them. I'm sure you'd hate to think of a friend going without a meal or trying to eek an extra few hours out of a babies nappy just so they could buy you a gift.

We cut out all adult family gift buying for years and kids in the family (nieces and nephews) get £5 each for birthday and Christmas until they are 12 and teenagers from 13-16 get £10. This stops once they've turned 16. Friends get a card and invited round for a games night and it's a bring your own booze and something nibbly (none of us are big drinkers so more often than not its a cup of tea and a bit of cake). It works for us, it has to.

DH has an iPhone that's just out of contract, he fancied a new phone but couldn't find one he liked so phoned his provider and said "I want a xxxx but I don't want to pay for it as I can get it free from xxx, oh and I want you to lower my contract price" and they did, a new windows phone, contract lowered to £9 per month for 1 year and £11 per month for 6 months and all the data and texts he needs. I've now got his old phone on a payg sim (I only use a phone for emergencies so £10 normally lasts a good 7/9 months).

Council tax and housing benefit are always a law unto themselves and I would be tempted to put in a claim so they can checkit over for you. We were advised to do it many years ago but according to the web site we weren't entitled but when they went through it we were given £25 per month. It all helps.

Anyway...

White Easter here, snow on roofs and cars and a smattering on the grass, kittens are not impressed.

Kitchen work is coming along well, today I get to take more tiles off, start dismantling the worksurfaces on the sink side of the room and do a bit of plastering should the inclination take me (I'm sure it won't).

Molly41

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Molly again I really do apologise

No need to apologise - I just wanted to help as I so understand your situation. Remember it wont last forever.

It still might be worth contacting all those with whom you have contracts and explain your situation and how long you envisage it to last. They might be able to negotiate a temporary decrease rather than the threat of defaulting on your payments?

Remember that priority debts should always be paid - housing costs and council tax etc.

Molly41

savingqueen wrote: »

Don't underestimate the little things, a few pennies here and there all add up. There are lots of things I did in the past that I no longer do - eg rarely use a hairdryer or iron nowdays. Other things I have kept that are more important to me.

Some very good ideas - Keeping an ongoing record of all your spends would be very enlightening. The second blog/thread, I mentioned in my previous post, if you read through her postings, she keeps a log/ running total of all her spends and bills. Might be an idea for you to start an new thread on the Debt Free Diaries?

Peanut2013

Thank you for your advice all

To who mentioned the baby groups, I'm very lucky they are a 50p donation and the leader is very good about it and says she'd rather we came and didn't pay than suffer at home alone. I only go to one a week and its a lifesaver

It's weird I was so proud of myself thinking we were doing so well, was just a bit of a shock!

Peanut2013

whiteguineapig wrote: »

peanut, have a look at talk talk
we get very good broadband and downloads (3 comps 1 laptop here)
free local calls , they also give you an option to pay a year up front, which i managed to do, so now i just pay around £5 per week

remember if you switch or buy anything to go through topcashback

just wanted to add that i too have cut out nearly all presents (everyone still knows i love them lol)

What speeds do you get? Do iplayer etc still work well? My reasoning is we don't have sky so I watch iplayer lots to catch up, lol.