'supporting each other through really tough times'

RosiePuddingPaws

I would like to think that if photos were sent through of how the rooms are now, Pop, then this will settle down. As others have said, they have sent a standard letter.

I used to work with house letting and must admit (and please don't take this wrong) that if a bathroom was full of "stuff" that didn't belong there this would give cause for concern. I appreciate that it was only dumped there due to their visit and is not your normal way of living.

Your food hoard might also concern them as I doubt they see food stored anywhere other than in a kitchen (with possibly pet food elsewhere).

Like fuddle, I wish there was a easy access, well insulated bungalow where you could live happily. A 9 room house is a lot of work, particularly when there's only one person to do the work and your health is not good.

As others have said, speak to Shelter and e-mail some photos through
and hopefully this will be resolved.

RPP

[Deleted User]

Morning Toughies, have just read back a few pages and am sending everyone a hug, it's a sad read from a few of you and I hope things sort themselves out for you very quickly, in the meantime, we will listen and sometimes it's better to say what you feel rather than keep it bottled inside, so know you can say it to us and we'll understand and empathise with you.

FUDDLE I'm another one from working class roots and had the same treatment from the girls at the Technical School when I passed the 11 plus. So many of them had professional fathers, few mothers worked, but, I was very much seen as not good enough to associate with, even the staff had the same attitude so senior school was not a particularly pleasant time for me. However, the old saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is very true and I had a couple of friends in the same situation and we made our own niche, and a few staff who were supportive and non judgemental and looking back now I realise that it was just a square peg/round hole situation and not particularly me as a person.

Being 8 these days is not easy, you don't have the experience to see things as they really are and the confidence to be 'different' and your peers will be savage in thier treatment if they do see you as different. Having said that you are the most positive role model your DD could have, she is old enough to understand the difficulties of your life and understand just why you don't buy in the 'frills' only the basics. That doesn't mean she won't be resentful that she can't have everything she wants, perhaps you might give her a choice one week and list out for her just what she cannot have if she fusses you for 'Frosties' and if the Frosties are her choice then stand by letting her go without the other things, she'll soon see sense. Would it be a help if when they have the basic and perfectly good cereals you could make chocolate milk with drinking chocolate to go on them, she could then boast to her peers that Mummy makes it specially and you can't have it on Frosties because it would be too sweet, might even make them envious of her???

We had a lovely day yesterday, DDs prospective parents in law were very nice people, easy to be with and very friendly. Best of all they love DD and told us so which is very happy making. The fact that we feel just the same about thier son is a very good basis for the future and I'm sure that we'll all meld into an extended family as time goes on, so all my worry was for nothing, as usual, you'd think that at 65 I'd have learned the lesson wouldn't you? Have a good day everyone, Cheers Lyn xxx.

Mrs_Chip

Morning everyone - cold and windy here in Cornwall

I have no idea how anyone manages to store all their food in the kitchen - having lived for years with tiny kitchen spaces, I have always need to keep the tinned and dry goods in another place.

Once it would have just been the overflow from shopping (special offers etc),but now I have actively built a store cupboard - in a bedroom cleared of furniture and used for all manner of storage (and the ironing board!).

On the point of leaving a life-long home, this is what OH had to do when we left London, and it was really the thought of leaving, rather than the deed, which was hard. Once done, the memories are still there. We were finding that the thought of leaving strange physical things (broken down shed which was where his father worked, and trees planted as a family) were causing stress, and actually stopping us doing the right thing. he last few years in the house had been hard, as OH's mother was ill and eventually died, so being free of all that negativity has been a great thing.

cutestkids

fuddle wrote: »

GQ your post was so interesting (as always!). I am a woman of my word as broken promises are detrimental to children's well being, ask me how I know. Actually please don't I'm not in the mood to hark back today. Anyway, X and Y with the promise of an experience is something that would work so well with her. I could even have a savings pot and say that because I got x this week it means that we have saved physical money in the pot, a visual aid to remind and encourage but also install the idea of saving. I like it thanks GQ

GQ? What's sides to middle?

I think having an actual pot to put the money in is a very good idea for children and also motivating for adults as well, there is nothing better than seeing money mount up and knowing that it will be going towards a special treat.

GreyQueen

Thanks, fuddle.

It's sometimes known as sides-to-middle, sometimes as turning a sheet, and I learned at my mother's knee, as she learned at hers.

When you handle sheets, you hold them at the edges. Which are tucked up under the mattress and thus don't suffer wear and tear. The bit of a sheet which does get worn is an oval in the middle of the bed, and that can wear to tissue-paper thinness before you notice.

Sometimes you spot it when you see the sheet against the light, and realise it's virtually transparent. Sometimes you don't notice it in time, the sheet wears into a hole and you catch it with your toe, turn over in bed and RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP!

At that point you have a tiresome L-shaped rip in your bedsheet, often 12-18 inches long, which can't be repaired in a tidy manner and get demoted on the Good Housewife Index for failing to head that one off.:rotfl:

But, once you identify the dodgy sheet, here's the recipe for sides-to-middling.

1. Get a sewing machine and wind two bobbins. You ideally want a machine which does zig-zag.

2. With the sheet freshly-washed, iron it carefully, paying special attention to the sides (selveges).

3. Fold the sheet in half along the top (or bottom) and cut thru the hem. Grasp each half and tug; it'll rip easily down the length of the sheet and the sound is very satisfying. You'll be stopped by the other hem; cut thru that.

4. With first one and then the other half sheet, turn a narrrow hem on the ripped edges. On very worn sheets, I have even managed to feed it thru the rollover foot which automatically makes a neat narrow hem, although the top and bottom hems won't go thru the rollover (this is sometimes called a lingerie foot btw) foot. Mostly, I just use the regular foot and turn the raw edge under as I go. The important bit is to contain the raw edge so it won't fray. Keep the hem as narrow as possible to minimalise the loss of width on the sheet.

5. Reverse at the top and bottom of the line of stitching, cut off loose theads. You now have two long strips.

6. Lay the strips together so that the former outside hems (the selveges) are in the middle. Which is why I said to iron them carefully. Overlap by about 1-1.5 inches. I just do all this by eye with no pinning. Run a straight line of stitching top to bottom, reversing to hold the ends down, remove and cut loose threads.

7. Re-set your machine to a wide zig-zag and then sew top to bottom, catching down one of the selveges to the flat part of the sheet. Turn sheet over and repeat on the other side with the other selvege.

8. You now have a slightly-narrower sheet with a flat seam down the middle, held by 3 lines of stitching, one straight and two zig zag. The unworn cloth which was the sides is now the middle (hence the name) and the thin stuff is now at the edge where it gets tucked under the mattress where you don't lie on it.

This can probably double the working life of a bedsheet. The central seam isn't uncomfortable. It takes me about 30 mins to do this and about 1.5 bobbins of thread. All my sheets are plain white so I don't fuss about having a part-bobbin of white around. The first time you try this, inc the ironing, allow yourself an hour.

Depending on the depth of your mattress, you may be able to continue to use a double sheet thus treated on your double bed, or it may have to be demoted to a single bed. I have a standard double bed but king-size bedlinen. With the duvet it's because I like the extra drape, but with the sheets, it's done to allow for future sides-to-middling. There isn't that much of a price premium on king sheets over double sheets, in my experience.

My mother has also done variations which involve canniablising two worn sheets to get one good one, in which case you end up with a section in the middle and two flat seams which fall about the edge of the mattress and the reconstituted sheet is wider.

Old sheets can also be cut down for cot-sheets, pillowslips, dolly-bedlinen and make fabulous rags.

HTH.

ETA; one thing one of my relations did with their three (boy,boy, girl, 4.5 yrs from oldest to youngest) was to manage their expectations of outings over the summer hols by saying that there would be 3 trips out, and getting each child to draw up their wishlist, then they sat down and thrashed out between them what they wanted to do most. The parents were very hardworking s/e and there wasn't much money so they were being realistic not stingy.

silvasava

Hi all - just back in the UK from visting extended family. Great time except the little flying vampires got me good - I've come out in horrid blisters & look like I've got the plague in spite of every insect repellant known to man!
It'll take me a while to read all the posts & get back up to speed so big hugs to all who need them & hope you have a good day today

Mrs_Chip

cutestkids wrote: »

I think having an actual pot to put the money in is a very good idea for children and also motivating for adults as well, there is nothing better than seeing money mount up and knowing that it will be going towards a special treat.

I do that now for us - if we get any unexpected funds, however small, I put them in a tin for 'treats' and when there is enough we decide what we are going to spend it on. It soon mounts up, but more importantly, it is a reminder that we cannot spend willy-nilly!

savingqueen

Morning all,

sitting here still in PJs having slept in for 3 extra hours. I rarely sleep in, usually wake up by 7am even at weekends so must have been really tired. Fortunately DH was up early to sort kids and cats.

Well today seems brighter, sunshine streaming in, kids happy in one of their complicated role play games that makes sense only to them and I am going to set myself some little goals for today and the coming week to focus myself and get back on track.

Forgot to say thanks to everyone for their support earlier over my sister. So a big thank you, you luveerly lot! :A

Fuddle - you are not alone with your DD8. DS8 has similar moments - I get its not fair..... EVERYONE ELSE has crisps and chocolate bars in their lunch every day.... has a TV in their room...gets to stay up later...and so on. Actually I know for a fact it isn't everyone else at all but true a fair amount of his class mates do have very different lifestyles.

I do as you do, calmly explain the reasons why our rules are different and these are because we love and care about them very much. They can't have crisps etc every day as its not healthy and we want them to grow up strong and healthy so they can have the best possible life. They can't have everything they see (eg we skirt round gift shops on days out unless its a birthday treat or have been sent some money for Easter or whatever) -this is because we have to pay our bills and also save up for things like going out in the summer holidays. I always emphasise that we want the best for them and for them to have a good life as adults as well as children so stuff like homework, healthy food etc is important. I also point out that other kids might wish for some of things we do like spend family time together, have homemade cakes and bread, own pets etc. I try and compromise a bit too so for example kids get a packet of (Allydee) crisps in their Fri lunchbag and occasionally something packaged like one of those cheese "things" and sometimes other kids are impressed that my two get homemade muffins in their lunch - DS8 is proud of that.

ok washing stopped, gotta get it out in the sunshine, get dressed and get going. Will do a few chores and maybe take kids to local park, they have a zipwire installed. DH was given a couple of tomato plants so need to get them planted - I am not (yet) a gardener so hoping this is a first baby step in that direction. We have little space to grow stuff, mostly shade, poor soil, kids and cats who use it so not sure what is possible but will give it a go!

laters
sq:)

Cheapskate

Morning toughies

Fuddle, I well remember those arguments with my older children re "so-and-so's got one", their parents ALWAYS did whatever, but we didn't rise to it, but it's definitely worse now, kicks in at a much younger age. DS (almost 6) is starting with it slightly, with the older ones it was junior school age. We're still doing it our way, peer pressure or not, but it can be tough! Just know that you are right and those with more money than sense, or daft enough to give in, are storing up big trouble for the future!

I mentioned to someone, in passing, about mending some shoes recently (just glueing the inside soles back down), and she looked a bit shocked - couldn't I afford any new ones? I said it was only a tiny repair job, the shoes were otherwise ok, and then she remembered her parents doing it for her, but didn't have a clue about little DIY jobs like that herself. When I ruminated later, I realised that so many people I know are severely de-skilled, very scary! :eek:

I have a tiny job doing stitching, earns a couple of hundred a year, so every time I get paid, I decant the money into a treat pot - this is what we use for nights out, takeaways, etc. It's a very small amount each time I get paid, so I don't really miss it at the time, but it adds up over a few months, so there's always a little chunk to dip into.

A xo

GreyQueen

SQ, glad you were able to get a lie in. I'm firmly of the belief that the body tries to take what it needs, so if you slept an extra 3 hours, it was because you needed it.

Cheapskate, it was ever thus, wasn't it, but they're definately starting younger these days. I feel for parents as there is always some damned parent in the neighbourhood spending like a Rockerfeller and distorting kids' expectations.

Just about to get the sewing machine out. I'm in a flat and sound really travels so I have a self-imposed ban on noisy stuff (washer, vacuuming, the sewing machine, stereo) until about 11 am on a Sunday in case someone who shares a party wall with me is sleeping in. After 11 am, I may well be out gardening, but if not, I wouldn't think they'd have a leg to stand on if I did make living noise.

Shoebox Towers is often very very quiet in the daytime, things tend to get interesting here evening and night-time.

fuddle, just remembered something else about sides-to-middling; if you do it, line the big hem at the top of the bedsheet up neatly as this will be the visible one if used as a top sheet. But when you get to the bottom, 9 times out of 10 the two halves don't line up. The difference can be anything up to 2-3 inches.

You haven't done anything wrong, the sheet has just distorted over time. When I was a nipper Mum would fold the wet sheet into quarters lengthwise and with her at one end, and one of us at the other, we'd have to tug hard on opposide corners, one corner in each of our hands.

Umm, kind of hard to describe, sort of imagine pistoning your arms to and from very quickly like a boxer, whilst pulling backwards as hard as you can. The purpose was to reduce this distortion, I think, as well as making ironing easier.

I always used to hate it and even Mum hasn't done it in an age. That was seriously OS. Probably in line with donkey-stoning your front step.............:rotfl:Going sewing, laters GQ xx