'supporting each other through really tough times'

kidcat

Thanks Esther - a year ago I would have felt awful asking but now I am beginning to ask everywhere. Thank you:)

Its DS14 birthday tomorrow and we have kept it all low key - he has always been awful leading up to birthdays, Christmas and any big event. He gets so stressed, this year we have stuck to something much different but its already working and he is much calmer today.
So its our regular outing to breakfast at a local place (we have been going most weeks with our support group friends, they have a table set aside in a quiet area for us and the kids are all mixing really well) followed by a return home. My parents are due to visit we are hoping they will come after Dad has done his services, but they havent declared yet.

Then our IT buddy is going to help DS assemble his birthday present computer parts, followed by family dinner with my closest friend which is a fairly regular occurence for him.

OH received a letter today saying that his job is earmarked for probable redundancy, no details just that.
I also received a letter to say that I had not included my bank details in DS DLA form - how stupid was that.
On the plus side I assume it means that they are making an award - which will be very welcome, Just the mileage I am doing toting him back and to appointments is really racking up - almost 200 miles last week.

stiltwalker

Hi Esther -wouldn't have known about the farm one today if I hadn't have asked. TBH we probably still spend as much it just means we can have lunch/coffee and cake rather than trying to make pack up and carry it along with all the other equipment we need.

That link would be great Kidcat - any discounts are good by me!!!

meanmarie

Pops....dont know the way of HA/councils but am horrified on your behalf....you sound so scared in your posts, I am sure that they are not allowed to terrify people. Do you have an option of having someone else present when they come again, I know that you have no nearby relatives, but maybe a neighbour would come so that you are not so scared by them and also to witness their manner...maybe not possible but I certainly think that there must be something you can do to ensure that you are treated in a civil manner.

Marie

kidcat

Pops I know we have discussed carers centres in the past and you werent keen, however ours has a support worker who is paid to do as marie says and be there with you for things like this, whilst you are not a carer you were until recently and here that would still qualify you for their assistance.

Popperwell

I'll think on about both your suggestions...its caused me to make more mess than previous because I feel I dare not have anything out of place in case they criticise. A few "Aquintances" are horrified. And so happy they are not renting, the HA is not well liked(anecdotal)and I have heard grumblings since they took over.

Even councillors feel the help they can offer is limited. Some time ago one said complaints/worries about them was the top topic when he holds surgeries.

Popperwell

Will stop now as I don't want to annoy...will post if something happens. Will see how my weekend of tidying goes but limited space in wheelie bins(they don't take much to fill)and not helped when they don't take extra bin bags...

Hardup_Hester

Hi Pops, I would second speaking to Shelter. I received a very rude letter from my local HA a couple of years ago along with 2 nasty phone calls & an unpleasant visitor. A neighbour who was suffering mental illness, reported me, numerous times for having a bonfire, causing rats & making the pavement dangerous. It took a lot of sorting out, they wouldn't listen to my side of the story, just kept threatening court action, I'm not even a tenant of theirs, but they tried very hard to be intimidating.
Hester

fuddle

Thinking out loud here pops so bare with me. Would it be in the HA's financial interest in getting a family in the property rather than a sole person?

Could this all just be a rouse to push pops out?

Listen pops, you have to cover your back in this and take those photos, attach them to email asking for written clarification of what is 'wrong' with your property. That for me is the biggy. You need to know on what grounds they could quibble with. You need that advice from shelter too. I would also try to get medical clarification re. stress it's causing you. Did they have any problems with the food storage room? That maybe where the rat etc concern came from, especially if items are on the floor.

Pops I'm sorry you have to fight for your home. In the time that I've known you here, trying to keep hold of the house you live in has been the cause of so much worry for you. I know we,ce been here and done this but I do wish you would think about a stress free, easy access, lower running costs bungalow for yourself where you can finally live in peace and quiet. I know you have memories in the house but those memories don't go when you move.

If you want to stay there then ill help you and support you all the way in fighting though because being pushed out heavy handedly is not at all fair.

GreyQueen

Morning all, I've been offline for over 24 hours, must be a personal best.

I would like to imply that I have been doing vastly interesting stuff, with glamourous people, and that you'd just curl up with envy if only you knew............

Alas, reality was rather more prosaic; I was doing chores, reading interesting books, charity shopping and watching the rain.

Pops, it's an outrage. Get to Shelter pdq please.


fuddle, I have a friend who has virtually raised several children from small babyhood in her role as a childminder. Some are adults now. She reckons that the rot sets in when they start school; up until that point they can be shaped by your values, past that, they are exposed to all sorts of other influences, and some of those will be counter-productive to harmonious family life.

I grew up on a poor council estate (folks still live there) and was immediately socially-excluded by my peers when I was one of the few selected for the grammar. Where I was also socially-excluded for being the daughter of factory workers, as opposed to the offspring of the professional parents which most of my peers had. Another girl at the same school, whose Dad was a car mechanic, was similarly shunned.

It didn't turn me into a snob or cause me to disprespect my parents, although the pressure to do so was enormous. When the What does your father do? question came around, I'd tell them he worked in a factory and give them a stare to make it clear that I didn't think their dad being a solicitor/ accountant/ GP gave them any superiority over me. Their reaction made it quite clear that I should feel ashamed of such a lowly background and the pressure was hateful.

I stood up to it. I have always been positively bliddy-minded.

A pal told me about a mum on her estate who made sure that her several children had all the latest branded clothes and gadgets to keep up with their peers. No one knew how she did it as she was on the social. It came to light eventually; she hadn't been paying any of her bills and was up past her eyeballs in debt. They lost their home over it. Great example for the children.

You can try to continue with DD8 as you have been, by introducing the concept of value, and even introducing the concept of opportunity cost. Such as, If you want us to go to (insert attraction in your area) or have a (insert coveted object) we will have to save up. Which means that we'll eat X instead of Y because it's cheaper.

Or we can eat Y and stay at home.

Of course, this will only work if you have the stubbornness to make good on promises. But you've always struck me as a woman of backbone.

I see a fair few adults who haven't ever grasped the concept of spending less (or nothing) on one thing to have more to spend on another. They want it all, all of the time. They aren't necessarily bad or stupid, but they have stalled at a point in their development which their parents may have been able to help them pass over.

I don't underestimate the difficulty but they will have much more of a difficulty as adults if they don't grasp these concepts as children.

Right, need a second pint of tea. It's raining atm which I am glad about because my lottie is parched, sorry about because I won't be gardening, happy about because I can lounge around in my jammies, etc etc.

I have some treats in store for today; a sheet to sides-to-middle. I ripped it in half yesterday after ironing it.

There's something very satisfying about the noise of ripping cloth, isn't there?

fuddle

GQ your post was so interesting (as always!). I am a woman of my word as broken promises are detrimental to children's well being, ask me how I know. Actually please don't I'm not in the mood to hark back today. Anyway, X and Y with the promise of an experience is something that would work so well with her. I could even have a savings pot and say that because I got x this week it means that we have saved physical money in the pot, a visual aid to remind and encourage but also install the idea of saving. I like it thanks GQ

GQ? What's sides to middle?