First Christmas as a single parent - help needed

Roberta1

Hello All,

I have two kids aged 13 and 11 and am facing the first Christmas since becoming a single parent in the middle of the year.

It's been a pretty horrendous year and I have to admit I am filled with apprehension about the "festive" period.

The plan is for me to have the kids till about 5pm on Christmas Day when they will go to their Dad's house and have another Christmas till about 5pm on Boxing Day when they will come home to me.

So...I want to make Christmas different and special. My first thought is not to open stockings on my bed as we have always done as the "hole" left by Dad might be too noticeable. I thought we could make a den downstairs with duvets and pillows and candles and open stockings downstairs.

I need other ideas to make Christmas Day different! My Mum will probably be with us too so I would like to include her. Any suggestions welcome - things to do, food, whatever. I want to make new traditions for Christmas which won't remind anyone of previous years.

CH27

Why don't you ask the children what they would like to do?

They may not want to change anything.

podperson

CH27 wrote: »

Why don't you ask the children what they would like to do?

They may not want to change anything.

I would second this. They're not littlies so will have their own opinions on whether they want to stick with the normal traditions. They might think it's fun to make up some new ones - or they might feel that after a year that has been filled with a lot of big changes for them then they would like to be able to rely on some things staying the same iyswim?

moodydonkey

You don't need to do new things, you don't need to do anything different or make new traditions. You wake up on Christmas morning and be happy and give your kids a present and have breakfast together, have a cuddle and make toast and dance or watch something stupid on the telly. You don't MAKE a tradition it just evolves from something.
My mum and dad have scotch and toast. Me and my sister have champagne. My girls don't have a tradition because it hasn't happened yet. They will find one tho. Probably involving alcohol :cool:

moodydonkey

We do Christmas Eve pyjamas tho. Everyone unwraps their present of new pj's on Xmas eve and then puts them on.
Lots of people do this I think. We love it. My daughter has her Xmas pj bottoms on as I type lol

Person_one

I think 13 and 11 would be a bit old for a 'den', especially as it would be a new think rather than a tradition carried on from early childhood.

I agree with the above posters that you should talk to your children. They're old enough that you can have a conversation where the three of you discuss what you want to do together.

I would say, be prepared for everybody to feel a bit 'blue' and not very Christmassy, and that's fine. Its a huge change for all of you and there's no point pretending nothing's changed.

If I were you, I'd have a think about what you want to after 5pm when the kids have gone.

shegirl

I wouldn't change a thing tbh.Their dad may not be there but why should their Christmas have to change any further?

Talk to then,you may be surprised and find that they want what they've always had.Traditions are a big part of Christmas.

Changing things may have a negative impact..

Tommelise

I our family our half of the traditions are fun things we did one year, and happend to like, so we did it again.

Traditions can change over time, and since you dont have small children I gather that you did other things with them last year than you did just a few years back.

I think you should discuss with them what they want, but why not make some small changes, and introduce something new.

As for suggestions, I have always found that is was the month of december and what we do together that makes the christmas spirit, my 2 girls (11 and 14) are so big now that they look forward to this period most. The little one (5) just loves any thing.

This is what we do in the month of december:

We take time for each of the children. We take a day or an afternoon of (just a few hours) for each child on their own. We go shopping in town, look at windows, talk about expectations for christmas. In general we do what they want, but we also buy presents together. We visit a cafe, someting we dont normally do, so to them its special. They love this time alone with one of us.

We have special sundays together. We do homemade christmas cards, small homemade gifts, or ornaments while we drink the and eat cake or cookies. ( they make a mess for a few hours, and I dont get anything done, but hey they love it)

We visit a market and try to find some christmas teater.

We also bake and do all the other christmas things

I am sorry I dont have any suggestions for the 25., I selebrate christmas on the evening of the 24. ( I am danish)

londoner01

I think mixing two of the suggestions you've received from above could work great: give your children a great day out, doing something really special they don't normally do, and your complete attention. Use this day to find out what they expect from Christmas, and from their first Christmas in two different households. At 11 and 13 I think they'll appreciate being asked, and they'll understand, whether consciously or subconsciously, that you're asking them because it's all new and awkward for you too.
I reckon they will want a change, but it's best if you try a change they are comfortable with rather than one that scares them.

Best of luck, and make sure you plan a little reward for yourself in the time when the kids are at their Dad's - sounds like you deserve a break and a bit of me time after a difficult year!

FatVonD

The 13 year old would probably feel quite sophisticated being allowed some 'bucks fizz' with breakfast, would they eat smoked salmon for brekkie? I agree that family traditions need to start somewhere. How about letting them stay up later and having fireworks?

Re the empty bed, would they appreciate a stocking in their own room and breakfast on a tray?

FBaby

Be careful not making look like it is a competition with their dad to offer the 'best Christmas'. It could make it very awkard for them. As every one said, ask them what would make them happy and go from there. Are you children likely to feel sad on the day because their dad isn't there, or (and let's be honest, it is a very strong possibility) be excited because after all, they get to celebrate Christmas twice!