Having a wobbly prior to bankruptcy...

churchill33

Good Morning all

Sorry to sound needy but feel as if I am going mad and have no-one to talk to anymore.

I am having a bit of a wobbly about declaring bankruptcy, even though in my heart of hearts I know that it is the sensible option.

My main concern is giving back our house and moving into rented accommodation. We are actually going to be renting a house off of a family friend who has painted the rooms the same as our mortgaged property to make the transition a bit easier for the kids.

However, as the time gradually arrives I am understandably having cold feet, I am not sleeping (been up since 4 again today), and I am just so snappy and irritable and sending out mixed signals to everyone.

My partner is adamant that we are moving this week, my parents keep pressuring me to change my mind and see if we can agree something with creditors (although I have tried to reason with the creditors before to no avail).

I suppose I need to know that life will get better, being debt free is liberating, and that not owning my own home does not define me.

Sorry, said I was feeling sorry for myself.....:(

Maizy

Hi Churchill

Trust me when I say I know how difficult this is for you, we had to give up our mortgaged house with our children after putting it off for a year or so. We delayed BR even though we were told it was the better option for fear of looking like failures, fear of what friends and family may say. Its almost impossible to hide it from some.

We went through the figures time and time again and in the end said we would take the leap. It was the toughest thing we have done and we moved to private rent, leaving our family home behind. It hasn't been the easiest of years but I always knew it would get better and remained positive on the outside. Nobody can expect to go through BR/repo without a bumpy ride. But we did it for a reason and that reason was to get to the light on the other side.

Ten months in and we were discharged and my word, do we feel like we have got our lives back. We kept trying to do the right thing, trying to pay off the debts, trying to do what we thought was right despite it ruining our days by being consumed by ever increasing debts. In the end it boils down to one thing. Can you afford to stay? pay your debts? without it being a shadow over your shoulder for years to come.

BR is a means to an end and we feel tons better having come through the other side and don't regret any of it. At least now we can start planning our future and our days are not consumed by money talk. It is however, an option that should only be taken with serious advice, thought and consideration. Put yourself first and foremost at all times and try not to get too wrapped up in what others may think, they don't have to live your life.

Good luck to you. x

churchill33

Many thanks Maizy

Like I said, I know it is the right thing to do, but morally and ethically I am finding it hard.

It has been difficult to try and sort our "new life" out, as we have had to tell some people the truth which has been embarrasing and we have also had to tell a few white lies to others as we don't want everybody knowing our business.

I am a coward and I hate change, but realistically we cannot afford to continue like this, so I suppose it is the sacrifice we will have to pay.

Glad that you seem to have come out of it ok, and that you are beginning to rebuild your lives, and thank you for taking the time to reassure me.

Gotta go now, as time for the school/work run.

Kind regards
C33

mynumber

Hi Churchill, I just wanted to let you know how it is from a fellow coward. I too had to leave my home and go into rented accomodation. Its hard but looking back to how i was feeling last year i wouldnt go back.
I was on my own, after my so called partner had run off with a friend/customer of the shop we had. He left me to pay everything, he thought hed moved on and had no responsibilities to pay the debt we had. After a suicide attempt i tried to pay bills, run the shop and have a life. Move on 5 years and i was in a mess and couldnt go on much more like i was. Sept 10th was the beginning of my new life, i dont regret the bankruptcy one bit, but i did have lots and lots of advice. I hate change like you, but i dont think its as bad as you think it is when you do it.
If its the right thing for you after you have had advice dont look back its not a bad world on the other side
Good luck and keep us all up to date, we are here to listen when you need it and there are some very knowledgeful guys on here that can help when you need the lagal facts aswell

Hugs to you K X

tiggerbodhi

Hi,
I spent three years trying to juggle debts, "negotiating" with creditors, then the realisation that it would be 10 years at least to clear them the constant phone calls, letters, texts and emails, I went BR end of August and it was the turning point, the relief was so tangible it was amazing, the knowledge that in three years (I have an IPA, which is less than I was paying my creditors) I will be "free" is good, everyone that I dealt with, the court, OR, CAB have been nothing but supportive, polite, why wouldnt they be? they are doing a job and like everyone else wants to enjoy the job and see happy people.
There is no shame in going BR, you are taking back control of your life and finances, moving forward and upwards, there is no failure in going BR, failure is falling down and staying down, BR is getting back up.
I can understand the embarrasment, but you will be surprised how many questions you get once people know, mainly wondering if it is something they could consider and if friends criticise you or look down on you are they friends?
I gave up my house and moved, in the end it was another fresh start, your feelings on what is important in life may change, a house is just a pile of bricks, you make a home with your family and heart.

Good luck, like pulling a plaster off a hairy arm, once its done you will wonder what the fuss was about, read the posts on the forum to get advice and check the forms more than once, get your SOA spot on, don't forget a thing on the expenses side.

:)

rossireps

hi
would you be a coward if you lost your home in say a divorce? no you wouldnt.
your not a coward. i lost my home when my husband left and for ages wanted to go back there,instead of where i live now. i can honestly say if i had to go back to pre br and id loose everything doing it,id still do it. it has been so worth it.

Maizy

Hi Churchill

My post was meant to say we moved out of our mortgaged house with 'our' young children not with 'out' children. I was in a rush and couldn't edit. I'm sure having the kids is what has made this so difficult for us, I know either way it is difficult and affects folk differently and bankruptcy and repossession are the two worst things I've ever experienced in my life and most definately tested my strength of character more than I expected.

It may seem embarrassing indeed but then you harden to things and get strength and realise that your family and your health are worth far more than what others may think of you. Your friends and family learn to understand and if they are true friends and you feel you have to tell them, they won't judge you, mine haven't in fact they respect us for making such a drastic decision. They were only sorry we couldn't ask for help or support earlier. Thats not to say I shout it from the roof top as I dont.

It can happen to anyone, we went BR mainly due to negative equity, of course some built up credit and work needing doing on a house that we never expected to fall in value like it has.

We don't set out to end up like this so try and go easy on yourself and if you take the necessary steps to get through this, you will feel so much better on the other side.

Most of the thoughts and pressures come from within ourselves, I've realised now that others don't really care as long as you are OK. Why would they really.

Easy for me to say all this I know but a year ago I made myself pretty bad with stress and wondered how I'd get through. It was the good folk here that reassured me and whilst I don't post often, I don't like to see anyone suffering the emotional strain that we went through and can offer personal reassurance that things have got better for us over time. We got our lives back.

Also remember that this is a legal process which allows you out of a pretty impossible situation otherwise.

Good luck to you, you will get through this. x

churchill33

Many thanks to you all for taking the time out of your busy day to offer me words of encouragement.

I am sorry to come across as weak, as you know it is such a fraught time and your emotions end up being all over the place.

I have swayed from being positive to being negative within minutes of each other for the past few weeks, and with our move imminent I was feeling very down this morning.

I take strength from knowing that you have all survived it, and that you are getting your lives back together, hopefully in months to come I can be the one offering words of encouragement to someone else going through the same situation, and letting them know that life goes on.

:T Thanks to you all.

C33

rossireps

c33 STOP IT
you are not weak! i stood in a field bawling my eyes out over a bike.
a bike they never had any interest in and a bike,that some git then wrote of 3 months later.

win123

Please can anyone advise me I live with my mum and son (he is 18 and in full time education) and my mother and I have a joint mortgage and have debts of 28k between us our mortgage is 106k and the house is worth about 125K we are scared as mum is disabled and had the house adapted via out local council for her needs - We can t see a way out of these debts even with DMP mine is going to last 28Yrs to pay - Just wondering how people manage to rent after bancrupcy as most places do a credit check etc and also mum is disabled so needs a walk in shower and stair lift etc - god I am so worried we are going to end up homeless - not sure if the council will house us due to mums disabilities if not what the heck can we do - has anyone had any experience of keeping their home in bancrupcy due too special cirmumctances ie disability etc I can;t live like this anymore its affecting my health - any advice would be appreciated:(:(

Maizy

Hi Win

Sorry to hear of your circumstances and I hope someone with more technical knowledge can answer your queries. It may be an idea to start your very own thread with a heading of your choice, that way it will alert folk to the type of query, otherwise they may think you have replied to Churhills, just a thought.

If you check out the sticky threads on here and seek advice as soon as possible and you will be guided the best way forward. Have you tried contacting the CAB, they may be able to offer some advice on the housing situation. We rented and gave up our mortgaged home which was in massive negative equity. With you having equity and the situation with your mum, you are in a slightly different position and need advice urgently so please contact one of the debt free charities or CAB asap. Hopefully others will have some solid advice for you.

Well done for taking the step to do something about this, try not to fret too much, there will be a solution if you don't bury your head.

Good luck.

Churhill

Keep us posted, you are far far from weak, just one of the many who's life is being affected by debt and you ARE doing something about it. All will even out over time.