What would you do???

mrsmather1

You have all made some really good points and have made me have a serious think.

I might try the whole one salary idea - at least it wouldn't be quite as much as a shock!

I think I'll sit and talk through with hubby all of this.

This has to be the one time at least that I listen to my head!

Thank you all for your replies!

RAS

helping_hubby wrote: »

My biggest concern is the cost of looking after the baby. If I quit my job we couldn't afford to live on one salary. If I stayed in work, 90% of my earnings would go on child care. I've been hearing nightmare stories that childcare can cost £1000 a month! Is this true?

How much is maternity pay? Is it fixed? Or is it based on your salary.

Maternity pay is based on your salary. You get 90 percent for a set period and can stay at home for longer, but unpaid unless your employer offers additional benefits.

The UK has the most expensive child care costs in Europe and nursery place can cost £200-300 pw. Unless you can get a relative to cover child care, then you will pay most of your salary in child care costs, although you will get child tax credit. One other thing to consider, is where you live, as some areas have little or no out of school child care and that can make it very difficult when the little one goes to school.

If you read up, you will also see that the experts do not recomend full-time formal nursery care for children under three. See Oliver James in last week's paper, Guardian I think. There is however, no guarantee that your employer will agree to part-time working.

Agree with Batgirl. Start living on one salary now and put everything else into clearing your debts ASAP. I think there are some tests being trailed now which enable you to tell what your fertility rating is. In a couple of years, see if you can get that done. Then you will know if you need to start trying for a child before you are thirty, or can wait until later. Either way the options may be easier as your debt will be reduced.

msmicawber

My advice would be to wait a little. I don't think 30's so old to start trying for children - in fact, it's pretty usual these days. I was 32 when I had my first and most of my friends were also in their 30s. If you get your debts behind you before you have children, then it gives you more flexibility to give up work/change jobs/reduce hours, if you want, whereas if you still have debts you'll probably have to keep working to pay the debts, but you'll have to pay off at a lower rate because you'll be paying childcare and the extra expenses that come from having another person in the family.

I work with a young woman who married at 21 and she and her husband have to have everything immediately. She's now 24, expecting her second child, saddled with a huge mortgage, loans, credit card bills, etc. and was moaning to me recently that she has to come back to work after the next baby is born, and isn't able to take advantage of the new improved maternity provisions because they're so over-extended she needs to get back to work asap. Her husband's also hassling her to go for promotion so she can get on a higher payscale, but she doesn't feel she has the energy, interest or brain power to cope. She then went on to say that after she'd paid the childcare for 2 children and all the bills and a bit off all their debts, she'd nothing left, so she can't see the point. And now the marriage is strained too. My heart went out to her, despite remembering cautioning her against doing this and pointing out that she had plenty of time for everything.

It just occurs to me that you and your hubby would be in so much stronger a position if you wait a little while longer. You'll know each other better still, be less stressed, and have more flexibility. You'll also still be relatively young in fertility terms, but not too young in terms of maturity.

Very best wishes whatever you decide to do.

in-trouble_3

mrsmather1 wrote: »

Now here comes my dilema.....

We would like to have a family. This would mean one income plus maybe some benefits and more expenditure.

In my logical mind I know it would be better to wait and be debt free before having a child however my maternal nature really is getting the better of me and I will be 30 by the time we could start trying!

What would you sensible people do?? Have any of you been in a similar position???

Thanks

dont take this the wrong way but you are presuming that you are going to fall pregnant straight away. what happens when you have paid off your debt and then you start trying for a family and 6-10 years later you are still trying.

msmicawber

Yes, it's possible that Mr & Mrs Mather might not conceive immediately, but if they found that they hadn't after a couple of years, then they could reconsider their position. They may find that they don't still want children, or that they'd be happy to adopt, or go for IVF treatment. If the latter were the case, then they'd be in a better position to afford to pay any costs involved. At 30 a woman's fertility is lower than at 26, but I don't believe the difference is huge.

I've gone into early menopause now, yet still managed to get pregnant without any problems at 36.

in-trouble_3

what i meant to say is i would go for it now, babies arent that expensive, its when they are 4 and over they get expensive

Bunnyinthelights

WAIT.(And 30 is young, I had DD at 32 and DS at 35)
Bunny

katepnlo

As a mother who has been on a strict money diet for 2 years clearing debt i would say wait,
get the debt gone (might spur you on to be even more carefull with money if it meens clearing it quicker) and then start trying. getting used to one salery will be tough to start with anyway, do it the easy way and enjoy it.

It depends on what type of person you are when it comes to expenses of a baby. The wide eyed consumer, the worrier...or go with the flow...i have 4 children and have done them all lol!! i have had most gadgets on the market for my first two, tried endless amount of prams and spent a fortune.
with my third i had to start from scratch as we were not planning anymore children and had ebayed all our stuff.
The less you have the easier it is:
1:Breasts for feeding (and a number of a good counciler to check you are positioned correctly and just for a chat if you need advice, coupled with a good pro breast feeding parenting foum..this is invaluable)

2:nappies

3: clothes

4: some where to sleep (mine sleep with me, makes feeding easier,lovely warm snuggly cuddles and feed while you sleep!!! bliss!!) if that is not your thing i would say a crib..moses baskets last all of a few weeks.

5: A sling has been wonderfull, a good one to start with is a pouch for ease of use, easily available online.

6: buggy if you would like another option
7: good car seat. Britax come out great on safety.


But it will all be so much easier with no debt, it will give you the CHOICE, you wont be tied to anything.
We are about 7 weeks off being clear of debt and i am so excited at the prospect of being able to say yes to lots of treats as the last year we have gone with out.
kate

chevalier

the other thing I would say is that a child won't miss stuff when they are say under 3, but they might later. Not sure which side of the arguement that comes down on.

My 5 year old rarely gets new clothes etc, mainly because I get such fab stuff on ebay. I have bundles of clothes for say £20 that has had tops, trousers, jumpers in that look like they haven't been worn. Some of the stuff is not to my taste maybe but I can just ebay that on.

On the other hand when we do buy him something new, it is something we know he will really like - like a incredibles top, which he wears and wears and wears. He is going to be heartbroken when he grows out of it in a few months...
chev

Tashja

Perhaps compromise and clear as much debt as you can in 2 years then start trying. This way you don't have to wait too long and you will have a lot less debt then now.

I agree children are not that expensive !!! My DS is nearly 6 and DD nearly 4 and they still don't cost us a lot of money. No3 is on the way and this time the only thing we are going to be buying new is the car seat and cot matress.

T xx