Bit fed up - need virtual kick up pants!

sammy115

art_student wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear that your job is getting you down.
Does your OH help with the budgeting etc? If not, he may feel out of control with everything whereas you are in control and all inspired by money saving. Do you think he would benefit from having a look at this site?

OH is hopeless with money. He just looks at what other people has and thinks we should be in the same place. We live in a nice house and have two decent cars and lovely kids with food on the table. He wants to be out all the time doing things (together I might add - not on his own) and that is why we are in the debt we are in. He loves going on holiday.

I think he rather enjoys being out of control because it frees him from having to make difficult decisions. In fact any money side of things stress him out completely. I have considered seperate finances with me sorting the bills out and leaving him to budget for his 'treats' and the family holidays, but I am not convinced it will work. We would probably never do anything again, because he would have frittered the money away.

art_student

Yes, my hubby is useless with money too. We have lived in this flat since September last year and he only just sorted out with his bank to send his statements to his new address (he lost his security number, they wouldn't talk to him, it was all too much hassle, he just put it off and put it off...). And he only sorted it out when I nagged and nagged. Now I have his details for online banking and am managing all the fiances - ha ha.
Maybe you could give him a separate bank account and pay him some pocket money each month - hee hee.

brainfreeze

sammy115 wrote: »

I have a son of 18 (who left home and has come home for a few days, because he has a week of work and no money and no clean clothes).

A daughter of 17 who is currently at college full time, and also does a saturday job in a hairdressers and 22 hours a week in Morrisons, and does her fair share of babysitting.

A daughter of 14 who leaves an absolute trail of destruction in her wake. I do give her jobs to do and after nagging her twenty times, she just about does something. (I must try harder with her)

And a baby of 18 months, who LOST MY KEYS! and draws on everything and despite being the love of my life, is very hard work at the moment.

I have thought about what you have said and I think from Monday I will try to be more organized about it all.

Definitely go for some sort of housework rota then (well the baby can be let off joining in for a while:rotfl: ). Housework shouldn't all fall on your shoulders. The kids are definitely old enough to share. Even if they are at school, college, work whatever fulltime - they still need to pull their weight and share the load (hubby included!). You'll find that having the help with that part of life will make you look more positively on the rest of it as you will have time for yourself to relax.

Take care

i_am_really_rich!!

sammy115 wrote: »

Why are so many of us so down at the moment. My life seems to be going t*ts up. Me and OH are at odds constantly - after twelve months of fighting the good fight together, we seem to have settled on different paths financially. Whilst I am glad to be here, with a home, enough money to feed us and keep us warm, he feels he just works to live, and is very very down.

I feel I spend all my time cheering him up and I am tired of doing it now. Just want to curl up in my duvet and sleep for a long time.
QUOTE]

Blimey!! I could have written this myself. Me and OH are currently talking about splitting now as it has all got too much. He says that he may aswell be happy away from me and skint as miserable with me and skint!! All the poor man does is work to pay the bills (don't we all). No acknowledgment that I also work and look after the kids/house/dogs while studying! We are supposed to be going away this weekend - I think I'll probably end up going on my own with the kids. He says we can't afford it (probably right) but I say what the hell the kids deserve it, it's all paid for (£9.50 in the Sun), and I can take food with us.

I try to keep smiling and positive but it is getting harder and harder. And to top it all I bought some fags this weeks after 6 weeks of not smoking. :mad:

sured

a long time ago i was in really bad relationship,
my partner was playing horrible mind games with me,
i was rock bottom,

my sister gave me the best piece of advice,

she told me 'to stop being the doormat'

amazingly in recent years i seem to have slipped back into that role,to some degree, not as bad

but no more, today i rediscovered the fire in my belly and i'm on my way back to the independant person i was when i met my current partner,

what ZTD says about reaching your own bottom to bounce back from is very true,

you have to do it for you,
you are a person too,
and deserve to be happy,

sue

beckseven

My husband is the same-he looks at other people and thinks we should have BMW/Mercedes, holidays go out for meals etc so I am the one who is budgeting, doing the food shopping wisely ( he offers to do it but I daren't let him-our budget would go on one week's shopping!) It gets draining when you are the one doing all the worrying and he is the one getting down because his friend has bought a Land Rover Discovery that he wanted. I try and explain that his friend has bought it on credit but he gets all down about it! He also buys me extravagent gifts for Christmas that I don't ask for e.g designer watches and when I don't in return because there is not the money for it he calls me tight! Never mind-I do love him but I have to take control of the money or else he'd bankrupt us!

sammy115

What you have all said has made the difference to my day. To know I am not alone in my suffering!!!! and that there are plenty of you ladies suffering out there with me.

Sured - you sound fired up. Way to go.

I must say - despite his faults OH has a heart of gold and only wants the best. If he thought for one minute I was as miserable as I am he would be devestated. He just thinks I am a normal nagging woman.

I have had the virtual kick up the pants I needed (not forgetting the hug too!) maybe tomorrow will be a better day for us all.

beanielou

Ive said this before & will most likely again!
In a lot of ways it is easier to deal with debt when there is just one adult to think about.My mess is mine alone!
Downside is that you have to do it all on your own so cant win really.

ZTD

beanielou wrote: »

Ive said this before & will most likely again!
In a lot of ways it is easier to deal with debt when there is just one adult to think about.My mess is mine alone!
Downside is that you have to do it all on your own so cant win really.

It's like most things - it's easier when there are two of you working together. But harder when there are two of you pulling in opposite direction.

honey_gem

I'm feeling pretty down at the minute as well

I guess a bad to start to the year (my grandfather passing away and the break up of my relationship) has had alot to do with it. Not having a great time at work either as much as I love my job have found myself in a rut I just cant seem to get out of.

Money is ok I have my budget every month and am pretty good at sticking to it now. I feel it is everything else around me that is making me feel pretty crap. Trying to keep myself motivated is extremely hard. I lost my best friend due to my debts 18 months ago and most of my other friends either live miles away or are married and have a life, I feel so very alone.