Bit fed up - need virtual kick up pants!

sammy115

Why are so many of us so down at the moment. My life seems to be going t*ts up. Me and OH are at odds constantly - after twelve months of fighting the good fight together, we seem to have settled on different paths financially. Whilst I am glad to be here, with a home, enough money to feed us and keep us warm, he feels he just works to live, and is very very down.

I feel I spend all my time cheering him up and I am tired of doing it now. Just want to curl up in my duvet and sleep for a long time.

I lost my car keys yesterday which led to me having a day off work and turning house upside down and eventually forking out £95 for a new set!

I hate my job and don't want to be here, specially not after having a day off, but I am reluctant to jump out the fat into the fire.

And I feel like all family all just take take take and then go out to have fun. (thats not true, my kids have been very supportive over the last hard 12 months but they are VERY MESSY!:o

Please remind me that I am very lucky and to either get on with it (or leave OH!)

brainfreeze

Not a virtual kick up the pants....but a virtual !!!!!!{hug}}}} coming your way.

There's nothing wrong with having a duvet day now and then, and everyone gets down.

Try and make a list of positives that occur in your day - anything, even something simple that just makes you smile or a chat with a friend. Hopefully at the end of the day you will be surprised by how much you have written down.

I know this won't take away the problems, but if you can spend some time focussing on positives it may put a different perspective on some of the negatives - you might start seeing things differently.

When my kids were younger (not sure how old your kids are) and I was working full time, I used to draw up a rota of chores for all of us (mum and dad included) for the week and that way the kids earnt their meagre pocket money, but more importantly realised that it does take hard work to keep a home clean and tidy and they have a responsibility to help out. So apart from their own rooms they may have come home from school and had to hoover the hall, landing and stairs, or clean the bathroom or something similar. They never had the same job two days running and always had one evening after school with no chores at all. It worked brilliantly, helped me out, and more importantly they have grown up and can cope with looking after themselves and their own space.

lynzpower

just wanted to send a hug hun - its not easy is it

Im not in a great place myself AT the mo I just gave up my job this morning and am all of a 2 and 8

saffronflowers

:hug: - I know how you feel, my life seems to be spent worrying about money, checking the bank account, budgeting etc etc. I have spring cleaned the kitchen, I mean spotless and the dining room today. Tomorrow, the sitting room.

Go up to our bedroom and find that the crap OH brought back from Germany two weeks ago is still lying around the room, no effort no nothing, oh yes and he says "Sorry I slept in till 8 this morning" I had only been up at 5.45am walking the pups.

I am sick and tired of the drudgery, not being able to buy anything new - and just feeling used. No point in telling him as he just shuts up and says nothing - arghhhhhhhh

Your not alone hun

SFx

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

I know what you mean Sammy, I try to see the cup as half full whilst DH always sees it as half empty. Don't feel bad you're on the right road.
x
PS: My children are incredibly messy too!!

jennynoo

Don't try making your OH happy unless it makes you happy. I really think that to have a good relationship you need 1. To look after yourself and do things that make you happy then 2. Communicate well.

So now you should concentrate on what makes you happy and tell your OH that it's about time he did something for you.

Also variety is the spice of life so if your getting bored and down you probably need to do something new, a new hobby, holiday, new friend etc.

Good luck

sammy115

jennynoo wrote: »

So now you should concentrate on what makes you happy and tell your OH that it's about time he did something for you.

Also variety is the spice of life so if your getting bored and down you probably need to do something new, a new hobby, holiday, new friend etc.

We had a weekend away last week and OH admitted that he was lacking in some departments, and would make more of an effort. As soon as we were back to reality it went out the window.

I have decided to think of myself more however. I think I need some kind of confidence lessons!

sammy115

lynzpower wrote: »

just wanted to send a hug hun - its not easy is it

Im not in a great place myself AT the mo I just gave up my job this morning and am all of a 2 and 8

Oh Lynzpower, I am sorry - what happened love. I am so tempted to just jack the job in. In fact I think I would have walked today except that I got a lift to walk, because I am still waiting for my new keys :rotfl:

art_student

I am so sorry to hear that your job is getting you down.
Does your OH help with the budgeting etc? If not, he may feel out of control with everything whereas you are in control and all inspired by money saving. Do you think he would benefit from having a look at this site?

sammy115

brainfreeze wrote: »

When my kids were younger (not sure how old your kids are) and I was working full time, I used to draw up a rota of chores for all of us (mum and dad included) for the week and that way the kids earnt their meagre pocket money, but more importantly realised that it does take hard work to keep a home clean and tidy and they have a responsibility to help out. So apart from their own rooms they may have come home from school and had to hoover the hall, landing and stairs, or clean the bathroom or something similar. They never had the same job two days running and always had one evening after school with no chores at all. It worked brilliantly, helped me out, and more importantly they have grown up and can cope with looking after themselves and their own space.

I have a son of 18 (who left home and has come home for a few days, because he has a week of work and no money and no clean clothes).

A daughter of 17 who is currently at college full time, and also does a saturday job in a hairdressers and 22 hours a week in Morrisons, and does her fair share of babysitting.

A daughter of 14 who leaves an absolute trail of destruction in her wake. I do give her jobs to do and after nagging her twenty times, she just about does something. (I must try harder with her)

And a baby of 18 months, who LOST MY KEYS! and draws on everything and despite being the love of my life, is very hard work at the moment.

I have thought about what you have said and I think from Monday I will try to be more organized about it all.

ZTD

sammy115 wrote: »

Me and OH are at odds constantly - after twelve months of fighting the good fight together, we seem to have settled on different paths financially. Whilst I am glad to be here, with a home, enough money to feed us and keep us warm, he feels he just works to live, and is very very down.

I feel I spend all my time cheering him up and I am tired of doing it now. Just want to curl up in my duvet and sleep for a long time.

If you spend too much time doing that, he'll feel like you're always bothering him, and that might get him down too.

Sometimes you need to find your own "bottom" to bounce up from.