Going out of my mind.

Casper12

Please help! I am currently £20000 in debt and on the reduced payments that I am making it will take me a further 18 years to pay these off. Working 26 hours a week was just not helping me see a light at the and of the tunnel. I've done something stupid. On four separate occasions I have taken money from my employer, totalling approx £70. I have been putting money back as I have been able but have been caught. Understandably I have had a disciplinary hearing and go back today to basically be fired. My family and colleagues main disappointment is that I didn't seek help sooner, even my manager commented that he wished I'd asked him for help. This is the first ( and last) time in twenty years of being in employment that I have EVER committed anything like this. I have accepted what I have done, am truly sorry and know that after today I need to put it behind me. I contacted a bankruptcy company, went through everything with him and I have started proceedings. I even spoke to the Samaritans on Wednesday, I just feel that confessing what I have done will make me feel better. I have prepared a statement for my employer stating my reasoning behind my actions, and fully accept that I will be fired. I'm just struggling to come to terms with things. My partner is being supportive but I just feel like I have so many people down. I don't expect sympathy because what I have done amounts to theft, I just need reassurance that my life is not over. Any comments will be gratefully received. Thanks.

KiKi

Your life isn't over. You've taken some really positive actions to sort things out and make things better, and that's a HUGE step to take.

Have you posted on the Debt-Free Wannabe board? They are very helpful and can offer advice on managing this and bankruptcy going forward.

If you're employer is sympathetic and helpful, it may be worth asking if they'll consider offering a general reference with no specific comment on how you left (presuming you are dismissed today), as this will make a big difference in being able to get another job in the future.

You've made some really positive steps, and hopefully won't be out of work for long. Just keep making positive inroads into sorting out your debt and getting a job, and accept that, whilst what you did was very stupid, it's out of character, and you've paid the price for it - and then move on.

KiKi

Aryndeneth

The fact that colleagues, manager, family and friends are expressing disappointment that you didn't ask for help (rather than condeming what you did) makes me think that they know this is an out-of-character action for you and they are appreciating how desperate you must have felt that you thought stealing was the only option for you.

Yes, you've done something very wrong and being desperate isn't automatically an excuse for that but, from your post, I don't think you're looking for excuses. You've faced up to what you've done, you were trying to return what you'd taken and you've sought help with the situation that drove you to such action in the first place.

With regards to your life being over, it isn't. You're going through a very difficult time right now. What happens next depends on the action taken in your disciplinary hearing and how this might impact on finding future employment if indeed you are fired today. However, you have a lot of support and people willing to help you so take advantage of that to get you through.

I can't think of a way to say "the only way is up" that isn't a total cliche, but you get my drift!

Casper12

Thanks to the two lovely people who have replyed to my post. Yes, it certainly was an uncharacteristic thing of me to do and something that I will regret fro a long time. It is so lovely to explain my situation to people who don't know me and still get a positive response rather than being lambasted for being such an idiot. I will let you know how I get on later. Feeling a little bit, how shall we say, terrified to say the least. Thanks again x

John_Ashtone

Have you been down to the Citizens Advice Bureau, going Bankrupt isn't always the best option, although I suspect for you it might be the best at the moment.

I wish I only had £20k debt, lol, firstly it isn't the end of the world, and be upfront with people about your debts, although not too upfront with prospective employers.

How many hours a week are you willing to work, this has a big effect on your actions, I currently work 60 hours and do 10 hours travelling a week, but it means I have kept my Mortgage, and I am now eyeing up the end of one major debt, lets call it debt 'A'

When debt 'A' is cleared I shall then NOT pay Debt 'B' to 'E' but instead get about a fifth of debt 'B' together and stop payments to them, this has the affect of them coming to me and taking an offer of about a fifth of the debt, and so on and so forth.

This ruins my credit rating, however that is already shot and of no consequence, as my Morgage lender still is getting their money, and Creditor 'A' has got its money, my standing with these two is still okayish.

I shall be debt free in about 2 years, and my mortage follows shortly afte, I have other irons in the fire, but what got me through was working long hours and support from my partner (the best cook in the world, and she irons my shirts too, lucky me).

So if you are willing to work 40 hours, and some odd times, get registered with agencies, yes I know they mess you about, but hey if you want to get your life on track you need to work at it.

I found if I was fair with them they got me the work, I registered with 5 in total (and one week all 5 wanted me on just the Thursday, first come first served, despite more money for two of the later requests) and My debts dwarf anything you are looking at, in fact I have nearly paid off £20k in 2 years.

But whatever you do, talk to people close to you, let them know, a problem shared is a bloody nuisance to the listener lol, but it is more than halfed.

Casper12

I think the hardest thing I am finding to deal with ATM is the deep shame I am feeling. I know in a couple of months time it will all be forgotten about but it's so hard. I am kind of ticking off a mental list of how to deal with this, you know, tell family, friends, deal with debt, face hearing, change bank account, am I entitled to jobseekers allowance, how do I find money to pay bankruptcy, do I register with an agency. So many things are floating round in my head I feel like I am in a spin. I went to see my inlaws last night to tell them. They were amazing, in fact everyone has been brilliant. It's just nice to share my problems on here, so far everyone has been amazing. I tell you if I was a catholic, I would've lived in the confession box since Tuesday. Also, I literally have £80 to my name, due to get paid on the 30th. I'm not holding out much hope for that but if I do get paid then I am planning to take £60 to my employer as this is what I owe them.

Aryndeneth

Just focus on getting through this meeting. Thinking beyond that will overwhelm you. Once you know the outcome of the meeting, you can choose what the next best step will be.

I also echo KiKi's suggestion, get on over to the Debt Free Wannabe board. Some amazing advice and support on what's right for your situation, no judgement on being in debt (we all are) and also take solace in the fact that you're not alone with debts and yours aren't necessarily as bad as you might feel they are.

Let us know how the meeting goes if we can help with queries afterwards.

Samuel_

John_Ashtone wrote: »

So if you are willing to work 40 hours, and some odd times, get registered with agencies, yes I know they mess you about, but hey if you want to get your life on track you need to work at it.

I found if I was fair with them they got me the work, I registered with 5 in total (and one week all 5 wanted me on just the Thursday, first come first served, despite more money for two of the later requests) and My debts dwarf anything you are looking at, in fact I have nearly paid off £20k in 2 years.

But whatever you do, talk to people close to you, let them know, a problem shared is a bloody nuisance to the listener lol, but it is more than halfed.

What agencies do you recommend m8? The only restriction I have is that I can't really stand for long periods or walk very far, due to an ankle problem.

Aryndeneth

Hi Samuel, you'd get more answers if you start your own thread so as not to hi-jack Casper12's.

Samuel_

Casper12 wrote: »

I think the hardest thing I am finding to deal with ATM is the deep shame I am feeling. I know in a couple of months time it will all be forgotten about but it's so hard. I am kind of ticking off a mental list of how to deal with this, you know, tell family, friends, deal with debt, face hearing, change bank account, am I entitled to jobseekers allowance, how do I find money to pay bankruptcy, do I register with an agency. So many things are floating round in my head I feel like I am in a spin. I went to see my inlaws last night to tell them. They were amazing, in fact everyone has been brilliant. It's just nice to share my problems on here, so far everyone has been amazing. I tell you if I was a catholic, I would've lived in the confession box since Tuesday. Also, I literally have £80 to my name, due to get paid on the 30th. I'm not holding out much hope for that but if I do get paid then I am planning to take £60 to my employer as this is what I owe them.

Would be interesting to know whether they are legally obliged to pay you still. I'm pretty sure you won't be able to claim JSA as it was your fault you left the job.

Aryndeneth

They can't withold wages for work already done. They could seek to recover their losses but, with OP willing to repay this as soon as possible, hopefully this is something that can be handled between OP and employer.