Help with ideas for 'memories box' - terminally ill friend

Bach_Off

My step-mums close friend is terminally ill with cancer - it's unknown how long she's got, they're taking it one day at time and she's got two children aged 12 and 14.

She and my step-mum went to school together and they've known each other 40 odd years. Stepmum is in daily contact with her and her family - has even embraced mobile phone texting and the church (she's a technophobe and not hugely religious).

I am thinking ahead to the years when the inevitable has happened and her girls are a lot older, i.e. approaching marriage, children etc etc. She hasn't prepared a 'memories box' - I have tentatively suggested to my Stepmum that she could 'interview' her friend and husband together on a good day, to make a 'video memories box'. Would be hard for all to do, but I'm thinking of the comfort this will give her girls in the years to come.

When my father's parents died, we saw a video of them interviewed, filmed on their golden wedding anniversary day - it was lovely to hear their voices and so touching to see the affection between the two whilst they remminised.

I would like to give my SM an interview sheet ready prepared - I've thought about Q's like where did they meet, what did they say, favourite song etc, but some of them seem a bit staid. I want to try to keep the 'interview' on a light hearted note at the same time giving the girls a real insight into their mum.

I was wondering if I could ask you all for suggestions on questions you would ask a deceased loved one or relative before they died? (Quirky, normal or otherwise?)

And I'm sorry if this post is upsetting anyone or appears insensitive.

Many thanks for all your help....

1_step_closer

What a brilliant idea! And what a wonderful person you are for thinking about it...............................

Questions..........not always easy to think of some but how she felt when she found out she was pregnant and when she was giving birth might be a good one.
Or........what was the most disastrous fashion item she bought and wore but thought was great?

I don't think it matters if you feel some questions may be staid - everything in that interview will be cherished.

Best of luck x

sweetmoneysaver

I think it's a lovely idea. I knew of someone that had written cards to be opened on special days such as engagment, wedding, 18th birthday etc. Although a little strange, it would make the recipient feel that their Mum was thinking of them.

mountainofdebt

I think that the idea is a lovely one.

As well as the recording, would your step-mum's friend be up to writing a letter that could be given on their wedding day? It might also be an idea to give the girls a memory album...of the parent's life in chronological order and people's details on the back of the photo (men are well known for forgetting details that us girls remember!)

victory

It is a lovely idea, putting the names, dates on the back of photos is very wise, I always do that and the letters, my BIL was terminally ill with cancer and he asked to be filmed on the camcorder to be viewed anytime his son felt up to it, he wrote some letters and dated others to open on the marriage day, the day he had a child so yes, all that is fantastic...

redsetter03

one question i think i might ask would be what her favourite perfume is?
i`m lucky enough to remember what aftershave my dad used to wear, but at least it means i can still remember him when i smell it.

You are lovely to be thinking and helping out with such a great idea.

hope it all goes well.

redsetterx

JoanneC_2

A memories box is a fantastic idea - something that children can dip into and out of whenever they want. However, I would advise some caution about writing letters to be opened on future important days - this is not something that everyone would want. My mum died when I was fifteen and I wouldn't want her "coming back from the dead" on what should be happy occasions. I understand that most people may find it comforting knowing that their relative was thinking of them and made these provisions but beware that there are some people who would find this extremely upsetting. In my opinion I would have liked something that I could chose when I could look at it, in my own time, at my own pace when I felt most comfortable - something like a memories box. Things I always wanted to know about my Mum was her likes/dislikes,sense of humour, fashion taste, what was her idea of a good night out/or in etc - things that other people might not know. Remember, everyone is different, her children might like these letters on special days but personally I would begin to dread these special days knowing that another letter would appear.

Js_Other_Half

At my mothers funeral some friends of hers talked about how they all used to go out to dances together, and the signals they used when they wanted to be left alone to talk to the nice fella who was chatting them up...;)

It really made me smile.

pippamannequin

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your step mums friend, how heartbreaking for her family. xx
I lost both my parents in my teens.
I now have 3 children and really wished i knew how my mum felt when she found out she was pregnant, i wanted her to talk me through my pregnancies like no one else but a mother could. The feeling about me having children and how 'well' i do as a mother are the times i miss my mum the most, so if i were able to suggest something for the future for her daughters it would definately be along those lines.
Ive cried many a time as my children have grown not being able to share any of my children with my parents, or when ive needed advice, so sentiments of advice, such as 'follow your heart' etc would have been wonderful to have had them on record saying to me..
hth xx

loopychicken

hi there i think what you doing is great i have never been in this position so i have thought about it as if i was opening the box

i think i would like to find thing that made me laugh rather than cry silly things that have happend

things that reminded my mum of me an vice versa

little notes reminding me of the funny times

my daughter an i had an hilarious moment with a mouse so i guess i would put a mouse in there to remind her of that moment

hope you get what i mean
good luck xx

angelofthesouth

http://www.pioneerthinking.com/mo_journaljar.html

Hi, not sure if links are allowed, as I am fairly new to this... This is something I was hoping to put into action for my dear nan to do, but unfortunately, we ran out of time... My plan was to get her to fill in a couple of questions everyday, I really think she would have even enjoyed it! (Hugs) at this difficult time. Xx