How to meet new friends?

Sugarhunny

Hi All,

I have recently split from my partner and I have 3 children, 14, 12 and 11 years old. He is not dad but has brought them up for the past 8 years.

The girls and I had to move house as he refused to leave the house so me and the kids moved out 8 weeks ago and have settled in our new place.

My problem being is that I am now incredibly lonely and I want to try and fix this as otherwise I am now happy. I have no friends to speak of outside of work.

I don't think I'm a horrible person but struggle to make friends. The other obstacles are:

I work full time.
I have to come straight home from work to see to the kids.
The ex says he will have kids as he wants to keep the relationship with them BUT, he has an alcohol problem and his mum is really ill, he also works 3 different shift patterns over 9 days so his days off are never the same each week.
The kids biological dad lives about 80 miles (round trip) away and he sees the kids as a chore and to be honest, the kids don't like going there but I insist so that I get a break and they still see their dad.

So with all the above...... How on earth do I meet new friends?

I also volunteer for a prison but the average age of the other volunteers is 70 so not really in my age group. I also signed up to Meetup but everything happens about 40 (round trip) away so it's a long way to travel and i don't think it will get me 'local' friends.

Any advice gratefully received!

Sugar xxx

lostinrates

Meetup everything is miles from me too, and I live near a prison with a strong 'friends of...prison' group.

But I don't volunteer there. I do go to at least one village event each year and am considering volunteering for a village fundraising group for which I have relevent industry knowledge.

I have always presumed with kids it's easier as you meet other kids parents and might be more likely to meet people who have similar interests that way?

WantToBeSE

As the children have got older, i have found its harder to meet new 'mum friends' when you move.

I moved to a very small rural town just over a year ago, and its very hard to meet new friends as its a close knit community.

Your children are old enough to look after each other for a few hours in the evening, so maybe take advantage of this once a week and join a club of some sort?


EDIT to say- if you feel comfortable, PM me where abouts you live to see if we are close. Promise i'm not an axe murderer!

life_unexpected_2

When my relationship with my ex broke down I found it hard to make friends as because I worked full-time the kids were normally at breakfast and after school club so I've never met any of the other mothers. So I used the internet to meet other people by joining single parent forums such as single parents fun.

Sugarhunny

I'm in Perth, Scotland. Or just outside it. The kids are old enough to look after themselves for a few hours but I feel guilty that they are on their own straight after school each night so would be double guilt if I then left them to go and socialise.

Oh I don't know. It's just so hard. I thought I would enjoy being single again but it just comes with other issues!

I'll certainly go and see about single parents fun website.

Thanks for all the replies :-)

Savvy_Sue

Evening classes? Would you feel less guilty if you weren't 'just' socialising?

Book clubs? choirs?

xoxo_2

Pop to the pub? Join something like slimming world (not suggesting you need to lose weight obviously!) for the social side? Join the gym? Get a dog and take it for walks to meet fellow dog walkers? Search of local groups to you on facebook, most places have 'selling' pages and get chatting on there or see if anyone fancies meeting up for a coffee on the weekend or something?

FBaby

I have been I the same situation moving in new area and quelling full time with little time to socialise. As a whole I have made friends through my kids and then making new friends then meeting the parents and meeting new people via the parents. I have also made new friends joining a health club and doing blades. In Beth cases it hasn't been instant. with the classes it's taken being ignored to a polite smile to a hello to a 'how are you' to finally a conversation that then lead to a meeting up. If you come across too desperate it can have the opposite effect.

I'm not good at going to people so usually make sure I smile a lot to allow people to feel comfortable coming to me but once the conversation starts I feel ok.

Chaos_Monkey

Hi there

I see you are in/around Perth - would you consider a running club? I can highly recommend a personal trainer who lives and works in Perth, and his 'pet' thing is running. Last time I heard, he was also doing kettlebell classes, and possibly TRX classes, too.

The running club was on a Sat morning, and met up outside Bannat*nes IIRC. He runs small classes, and it seemed more inclusive/social than the proper gym classes.

PM me if you want his name...although I suspect he's the only one operating in Perth so he would probably come up if you goggled 'personal trainer Perth'. (he does PT, too, but that's a whole other level of expense! LOL).

Good luck!

valkirn

lostinrates wrote: »

I have always presumed with kids it's easier as you meet other kids parents and might be more likely to meet people who have similar interests that way?

Dont you believe it, its harder when they are older as they will usually want to walk to school/home themselves and will assert their independance lol

And even with little ones that you have to take to school and pick up
you will find school yard cliques and sometimes it can be very hard to break in to that x

But it is possable lol

surfboard2

In the past year, most of the new friends i've made have come from joining the gym and attending the classes there.

Maybe you could try that?