Been invited to a BBQ-Awkward Situation...PLEASE ADVISE

Bettyboop

Hi All,

A friend who I thought didn't really want to know me invited me around to a BBQ to start at 17:00 today.

The problem is that her and her husband were my friends. I met them after I seperated from my husband and we got on really well. Since early Feburary they have stopped coming around (I have invited them loads of times)....or inviting me and my little girl to visit them.

The other thing is my husband is there with my daughter (he has her for tonight) already and I feel silly about making an appearance as it's been ages since I last saw them. In a little way I'm a bit sad as they are more his friends.......(he met them through me and he goes around there almost everyday). I feel really odd about turning up....

The last time we all had a BBQ together it was unpleasant because everyone could feel the tension between us....and I don't want to ruin it for everyone.

What would you do?

mountainofdebt

Don't know if you've made a decision yet but if you're still on line I think you need to do what's right for YOUR peace of mind.

If you feel that it would be awkward say to your friend that you would hate there to be any unpleasant scenes so although you'd love to come but you won't.

Then invite her for a girlie night at yours or have a night on the town with her at a later date.

Bettyboop

mountainofdebt, I'm still online. I feel so stupid about crying over this. I have spring cleaned today, been to the shops and read a magazine but now that I have an opportunity to go somewhere I'm hesitant. Something must be wrong with me!

mountainofdebt

No there's nothing wrong with you.

I've read a little about your situation on your other thread and your confidence is bound to be knocked about the palce.

If you really don't feel like going then don't go - its not worth it.

Bettyboop

mountainofdebt....you are probably right. I suppose I just feel left out and the one without friends when they are more like his! Thanks for replying.

daphne_descends

There's nothing wrong with you. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes - probably remain undecided until the last minute as you are!

I'm inclined to say, don't force yourself to go if you're not sure, especially if you think you may come away feeling no better - or even worse. But I don't want to be too negative either - sometimes those events we dread the most can turn out to be not too bad. Atmospheres can melt away in the right circumstances.

Whatever you do, don't feel stupid for being upset - you are only showing that you care! You have every right to a good cry.

Bettyboop

Just letting you know I texted my friend to say Sorry that I wasn't going to make it and not to worry. Why am I upset? Is this because my husband is now having a lovely BBQ with a group of friends? The kids are all playing together. Also, I really wanted to go....but truning up with red eyes is not good either. Everyone would know something was wrong. Thanks again.

ted_ted

Bettyb...
You have done the right thing. You need to rebuild a relationship with your friends again and once you feel comfortable with them then having your ex around at BBQ would not feel so awkward. Don't let it spoil your weekend.

changkra

If it was my ex husband i wouldn't even consider going but it really depends on how well the two of you get on since you've seperated. My ex hates me with a pssion, i personnaly couldn't care less:rotfl:

welshkitty_2

I seem to have also lost a lot of friends since my split. During my 18 year marriage, my ex and I made lots of friends, yet since the split, I hardly see or hear off any of them - in fact a few have openly ignored me.

I left an abusive Ex - leaving the home. The rumours were rife, yet my Ex seems to have gained upper hand by airing his laundry and making many false claims.

I avoid situations which may cause me stress, and rely on my own friends for company and friendship.

I myself would have chosen to miss the BBQ too.

susy_2

I think it is strange that they have not encouraged your friendship until tonight when your ex will be there. For what it is worth, I would have made the same decision as you Bettyboop. You will make new friends Betty, but it takes time. Open a bottle of wine and do something that you enjoy doing!