What can widowed MIL have now?

jem16

atush wrote: »

I don't think MC was being Smug, so much as agast at her contemporaries who can't keep up with life. Or who never embraced independence.

I don't think that's an age thing. It happens with people of all ages.

Some can't or haven't. But I'll be happier when all older people are like MC- able to keep up with technology and manage their own affairs. Until then, we ask for financial education in schools and help those we know who can't do it themselves.

What we have to realise is that as people get older, some through no fault of their own, find themselves unable to manage things that previously they were very good with. My own father, who is now 84, was an Employment Manager of a large well-known firm. He was responsible for all the wages. Unfortunately he now struggles with some financial areas and has been more than happy to have my help with his tax affairs. I struggled more than him in offering help as I knew he had always been very capable and it was hard to realise that my Dad needed my help here as it made me realise how much older and more vulnerable he had become.

mumps

Life can change very quickly. I bumped into an old friend today and we were talking about her brother. Three years ago he was self sufficient, running a business, very outdoorsy and at 64 fitter than alot of people 20 years younger.

He had an accident, it wasn't a very serious accident, he was expected to be in hospital for a few days then he had a stroke. It was catastrophic and his situation was critical. He was strong and came through it, for a while everyone thought he would make a good recovery and then his personality seemed to change, he was agressive, unreasonable, refusing any help or advice. His business ran on for a while, he had set everything up well and his private bills etc were all paid but things don't carry on like that forever.

He was eventually diagnosed with dementia and things are only getting sorted out now. There are lots of debts, initially he was thought to be mentally competent and refused help, now his accountant has power of attorney and is trying to sort it all out. It is tragic and no one would ever have imagined how wrong it could all go. I agree that being smug is rather silly as none of us know what is in front of us or how we will cope, some will retain their mental faculties but have physical problems, some will seem fit but not be as sharp as they were. God help us all.

mumps

margaretclare wrote: »

No. I've simply been trying to illustrate that the world has changed/is changing and that we have to live with things as they are now, not how they were in the last century or the one before that.

Families now often live a long way apart, because of moving for work or any other reason. DH talks to people who've been pleased to have their new email account with skype because they can talk to relatives across the world. We do help people locally, as and when we can, but only when they ask for it.

I agree with what Mojisola says above. And what Jackyann wrote about Townswomen's Guild women being better-informed. There is help and information out there. And there are even initiatives to get older people computer-savvy - DH goes to a local group on the first Thursday of every month which does just that. And the local library.

In response to duchy above, exactly the reason why we've set everything up to run like clockwork whether we remain capable or not, whether we're here, in hospital or anywhere else. That's not 'smugness', which is someone else's mis-diagnosis. It's forethought and logic.

People cope in their own way, I know people who continue to get their pension at the post office as it means they get out, have contact with people. There is nothing wrong with that, we don't all have to do things the same way.

How useful will it be if everything is running like clockwork but no one has noticed that you and your husband haven't been seen for a couple of weeks? I remember cases like that when I worked for the Police.

My mother always like having her milk delivered, people said she could get it cheaper at the supermarket but she could get the basics off the milkman if she couldn't get out (no she didn't shop on line) he delivered milk, butter, eggs, bread, potatoes from what I remember. He also used to stop to say hello, post a letter for her. If her milk had stayed on the step he would have alerted someone. The old ways aren't always bad.