What can widowed MIL have now?

Pollycat

margaretclare wrote: »

So you are saying, if you did not do those things for your Mum, they would simply not get done.

Maybe they would get done but not to the same efficiency or timeliness.
Maybe they wouldn't get done at all.

My point was that my Mum, like the OP's MIL, is lucky that she does have someone to do things for her.

margaretclare wrote: »

Likewise, if I did not do those things for myself, they would simply not get done. Because, apart from DH who is the same age as me, there is simply no one else. And there must be others who're in the same situation.

Then you're not lucky like my Mum and the OP's MIL - as I said earlier.

Pollycat wrote: »

Your MIL is lucky she has you to sort things out for her.

My sister & I look after Mum's stuff, but I sometimes wonder how people who have nobody to help manage.

margaretclare

Pollycat wrote: »

Maybe they would get done but not to the same efficiency or timeliness.
Maybe they wouldn't get done at all.

My point was that my Mum, like the OP's MIL, is lucky that she does have someone to do things for her.

Then you're not lucky like my Mum and the OP's MIL - as I said earlier.

I don't think I'm not lucky. Maybe I wouldn't want someone else involving themselves to this extent!

I recall being in hospital on 'pension day', at the beginning of a month. Women in the ward I was in were upset because they couldn't get out to go and draw their pension in cash, buy their Christmas presents, all the things they normally did. I was lying back thinking how lucky I was that money arrived electronically and that all our household bills got paid on the first of every month, regular as clockwork, without needing any attention from us. So I think I *am* lucky!

Pollycat

margaretclare wrote: »

I don't think I'm not lucky. Maybe I wouldn't want someone else involving themselves to this extent!

I recall being in hospital on 'pension day', at the beginning of a month. Women in the ward I was in were upset because they couldn't get out to go and draw their pension in cash, buy their Christmas presents, all the things they normally did. I was lying back thinking how lucky I was that money arrived electronically and that all our household bills got paid on the first of every month, regular as clockwork, without needing any attention from us. So I think I *am* lucky!

You are talking about different people to me.

You can clearly cope. I get the message.

I'm talking about people who can't cope and who struggle because they have nobody to help.

I can't speak for Cottage Economy's MIL - who may or may not want Cottage Economy involving herself to 'this extent!' (although I'd guess that she feels relieved that someone is helping her out) but I know my Mum is grateful that someone is there to help.

You seem incapable of comprehending that there are people who are different to you and do need help.
Are you always so intransigent?

Errata

margaretclare wrote: »

I don't think I'm not lucky. Maybe I wouldn't want someone else involving themselves to this extent!

I recall being in hospital on 'pension day', at the beginning of a month. Women in the ward I was in were upset because they couldn't get out to go and draw their pension in cash, buy their Christmas presents, all the things they normally did. I was lying back thinking how lucky I was that money arrived electronically and that all our household bills got paid on the first of every month, regular as clockwork, without needing any attention from us. So I think I *am* lucky!

For goodness sake, so what? Clearly buying Christmas presents and missing their way of living was important to them, and cash is still accepted by shops!

Pollycat

margaretclare wrote: »

I recall being in hospital on 'pension day', at the beginning of a month. Women in the ward I was in were upset because they couldn't get out to go and draw their pension in cash, buy their Christmas presents, all the things they normally did. I was lying back thinking how lucky I was that money arrived electronically and that all our household bills got paid on the first of every month, regular as clockwork, without needing any attention from us. So I think I *am* lucky!

I don't know about you thinking you are lucky, margaretclare, but in a lot of your posts (especially the one I've quoted above) you are coming across as incredibly smug - and lacking in empathy towards anyone who does not have the mental acumen and financial knowledge that you have.

Nice trait (not).

duchy

It's very easy for us to assume that we will always have the same mental capacity we have now.

My Mum was the money person in her marriage-handled the finance and general household organization. My Dad was hopeless at it. After she was widowed she had a brain anurism and although considered "recovered" the "slight" brain damage it left her with meant she was incapable of dealing with her finances . We never know what the future may bring so smugness is a bit silly.

margaretclare

Are you always so intransigent?

No. I've simply been trying to illustrate that the world has changed/is changing and that we have to live with things as they are now, not how they were in the last century or the one before that.

Families now often live a long way apart, because of moving for work or any other reason. DH talks to people who've been pleased to have their new email account with skype because they can talk to relatives across the world. We do help people locally, as and when we can, but only when they ask for it.

I agree with what Mojisola says above. And what Jackyann wrote about Townswomen's Guild women being better-informed. There is help and information out there. And there are even initiatives to get older people computer-savvy - DH goes to a local group on the first Thursday of every month which does just that. And the local library.

In response to duchy above, exactly the reason why we've set everything up to run like clockwork whether we remain capable or not, whether we're here, in hospital or anywhere else. That's not 'smugness', which is someone else's mis-diagnosis. It's forethought and logic.

Errata

In response to duchy above, exactly the reason why we've set everything up to run like clockwork whether we remain capable or not,

If you're not 'capable' you won't know if it's running like clockwork or not.

Pollycat

margaretclare wrote: »

No. I've simply been trying to illustrate that the world has changed/is changing and that we have to live with things as they are now, not how they were in the last century or the one before that.

But some of the people I'm talking about can't or don't want to live with things as they are now, they want what they've always known.

Who do you think you are to drag people into something they dont want just because (at the moment) it suits you?

margaretclare wrote: »

Families now often live a long way apart, because of moving for work or any other reason. DH talks to people who've been pleased to have their new email account with skype because they can talk to relatives across the world. We do help people locally, as and when we can, but only when they ask for it.

And what makes you think that Cottage Economy's MIL, my parents and Mojisola's parents didn't ask for our help?

margaretclare wrote: »

I agree with what Mojisola says above. And what Jackyann wrote about Townswomen's Guild women being better-informed. There is help and information out there. And there are even initiatives to get older people computer-savvy - DH goes to a local group on the first Thursday of every month which does just that. And the local library.

Of course there's help and information out there!
I've already said that.
But I've also said that there are some people who are so alone that they don't realise that there's help out there - in whatever shape or form it takes.

It might suit your OH to take computer courses.
But (are you still intransigent?) that's not the case for everyone.
You seem to believe that everyone should be the same as you.

margaretclare wrote: »

In response to duchy above, exactly the reason why we've set everything up to run like clockwork whether we remain capable or not, whether we're here, in hospital or anywhere else. That's not 'smugness', which is someone else's mis-diagnosis. It's forethought and logic.

No mis-diagnosis from me - you're smug.
Every post you make just confirms that.

What part of 'not all people have forethought and logic' do you not understand?

My earlier post was as a compliment to cottage economy for caring enough about her MIL to want to help her through a tough time and make sure that she is financially OK.
It's just just brought out posts from you saying 'Look how marvellous I am, I don't need anyone to sort things out for me - and I can't understand why everybody isn't the same as me'.

atush

I don't think MC was being Smug, so much as agast at her contemporaries who can't keep up with life. Or who never embraced independence.

Some can't or haven't. But I'll be happier when all older people are like MC- able to keep up with technology and manage their own affairs. Until then, we ask for financial education in schools and help those we know who can't do it themselves.

I have a friend in her 40's who executive husband gave her only 'housekeeping'. When he ran off with his mistress, she was left holding the can and didn't know how to pay bills or anything. So I spent years educating her financially, showing her how to keep accts on excel and how to fill out her income tax etc.