Rudeness in 3 year old

littleg_2

OH and I are really struggling with our 3.5 year old boy's rudeness. I'm really hoping that it is just a phase? We are praising his polite manners to the hilt....and he can be beautifully polite. When rude he is told its not acceptable and given a warning. This has no affect and he usually loses a prized toy for the day and/ or naughty step. We're very conscious of how we talk to him, but if anything his behaviour is just getting worse:( Is it just a phase?

whitesatin

It sounds like you are doing everything right so just carry on as you are. I have a 3.5 year old grandson (and a grandaughter a few months older). I look after him and there are days when he is very sullen and moody and won't do what he is told. Sometimes, when asked not to do something he does it even more. I could get cross but grandmas don't do that. LOL.

My grandaughter is always there at the same time and she is much calmer. When he goes off on one of his temper tantrums or won't do what he is told (favourite word is "NO"), I take my grandaughter into the next room and do a nice activity with her, rewarding her good behaviour and making sure he knows that, obviously keeping an eye on him through the well placed serving hatch. He soon realises he is not onto a winner and calms himself down and asks to join us in the sweetest voice you have ever heard.

I am sure it is just a phase, testing the boundaries. I remember my son doing it too and now he is a very well adjusted, polite adult.

ZsaZsa

Sounds like you're doing everything right, it probably is just a phase. Has he recently started nursery/school? My little boy started school at 3.5 and overnight he turned into a stroppy teenager, full of attitude. It soon settled (well, got much better, he still tries it on from time to time he he)

daska

He's testing boundaries. Would he respond to a star chart? Break the day into chunks so maybe a star for sitting nicely at the table during breakfast, and one for making it through to lunch without being rude etc

DS2 is 5 but has special needs so is about 2 years behind (i.e. about the age of your grandson). He has responded really well to having his bed-time books reduced. He starts the day with 3 and if he is violent he loses a book - one per incident. Having a longer term reward and punishment system really brought it home to him.

sassyblue

littleg wrote: »

OH and I are really struggling with our 3.5 year old boy's rudeness. I'm really hoping that it is just a phase? We are praising his polite manners to the hilt....and he can be beautifully polite. When rude he is told its not acceptable and given a warning. This has no affect and he usually loses a prized toy for the day and/ or naughty step. We're very conscious of how we talk to him, but if anything his behaviour is just getting worse:( Is it just a phase?

Yes, it's a phase and he's completely normal. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Whoever said 'terrible twos' clearly never had a three year old. :eek:

Fire_Fox

Is there a pattern to it, does it happen at particular times of day, when he might be a little hungry or tired or after eating junk food?

Loulou2010

another one here with a 3yr old who can be lovely and polite then turn into a stroppy teenager at the drop of a hat. one thing i do is tell him i dont like the way he is talking to me and tell him i am ready to listen when he is going to be nice. more often than not with him that works. i then just change the sublect completely and forget about it. i find the more i punish/ try and stop him, the more he does it. dont get drawn into arguements with them.

FunWithFlags

As he's getting older, he might be questioning why he has to be polite. Are you just telling him it's unacceptable and giving him a warning or are you telling him why it's unacceptable? I'm not one for the supernanny style training of children (though I'm sure that will not make me popular on threads like this) and don't think it teaches children to think about their behaviour and to make the right choices. To me, it just seems to train them to apologise on autopilot iyswim. I get that they are meant to sit there and consider what they did but I think it's more likely that they sit there and get mad at whoever put them there and think about that until they have to say sorry lol. That's just my opinion though so no lynching please.

Maybe now he is getting older and more aware of things, you could emphasise how being rude makes people feel. Not in the sense of "look, you were rude to granny and now she is upset, that is unacceptable, say sorry" but more of a "do you think you were being a polite boy just now? How do you think that made granny feel?" (with some sort of guided answer while they are younger e.g. "well, she looks a bit upset to me, do you have any ideas why she might be upset?") leading into the child thinking it all over and offering an apology rather than being trained into blurting one out to get off a step. If you didn't think your three year old was ready for coming to the conclusion of apologising, you could include more gentle nudges along the way to help him get there.

fluffnutter

Who is he rude to? If it's just in a family context then I wouldn't worry about it at all - he's just testing boundaries. However, if you feel it's getting worse, then perhaps rethink your approach to punishment. Whilst his rudeness results in unpleasant things happening - loss of a toy/naughty step - he's still getting attention for it. Perhaps you could try completely ignoring it and carrying on as if it's not happened - that way he might start to feel that there's no point in being rude as nothing at all happens.

If he's being rude outside of the home, this approach may not work so well (people will expect you to do something if your child's rude!).

It's also worth trying to establish is there's a pattern to it. Does he do it when he's tired? Bored? Frustrated? Try to pre-empt situations and change them before he's got a chance to act out.

One last thing.. what do you mean by rudeness? It's quite a subjective thing.

fluffnutter

Loulou2010 wrote: »

dont get drawn into arguements with them.

:T Amen to that. It's a fool who argues with a three year old - they're not rational!