Nan Wants my mum to give up work

Jane_B_4

My Nan had a stroke about a month ago, she's now in a re-hab unit and doing well, but her arm/hand isn't working properly yet. She asked about coming home (she lives with my mum & dad) and the hospital said we will have to speak to your daughter about giving up work. My nan doesn't see this as a problem and she says to my mum that she will get carers allowance anyway so she won't have to work. My mum only works part-time but she really don't want to stay at home forever, also she doesn't drive so she'd just be stuck in the house all day every day and I think she'll go mad! So I have 2 questions really 1) How can my mum make my nan understand that she doesn't want to give up work and 2) will they get any help from social services?

Thanks

nearlyrich

Your Nan should get an assessment from the occupational therapist, does she need fulltime care or just some help with certain tasks? I think the "help" from social services depends a lot on where you live ( some are better than others) and how much money you have (Nan not mum) It is possible yto pay for careres to come in to help with dressing etc and other aids can be provided either FOC or at a cost.

If your nan just needs a bit of help with some planning it would probably be possible for her to go home even though your mum is working part time.

One bit of advice, don't just take everything at face value, OT assessed my mum as able to walk upstairs, consultant forbade her to as she is prone to blacking out. We were told they would not pay for a stairlift ( council said there was funding just needed OT to approve) if she wanted one she would have to pay ( She is on pension credit so not rolling in it and no savings) I asked them back to explain how she was going to go to the toilet during the day,they said she can use a commode!!!! I was not impressed as she lives in a house with nowhere to put a commode and it's not very dignified, eventually after a bit of a discussion :rolleyes: she got the stairlift.

Jane_B_4

I don't think my nan would need full time care, just someone to check on her I think, but the hospital & my nan are just assuming my mum will give up work. My nan has her own bedroom/living area and toilet downstairs, but the bath is upstairs.

tanith

Sounds like with some support you Nan could manage on her own even for a few hours... there would be no need for her to bath while you Mum was out at work they could manage that while your Mum is home... As she has toilet facilities downstairs your Mum could make sure she is up and settled before she goes out to work...

Don't let you Mum be bullied into this as the hospital just want to get your Nan home as quick as possible but if your Mum is firm and tells them that she can of course help your Nan most of the time but they need to put in place care during the times you Mum is at work an don't let your Nan come home until this is in place.... maybe a carer popping in once a day .. your Mum could make her a prepared lunch which is what a home help would do...

Its hard but if you stick to your guns your Nan will get some support and your Mum can continue with her job ....

Jane_B_4

The problem is that my nan keeps saying to my mum 'we don't want strangers in the house do we' and now my mum feels guilty!

tanith

Your Nan is a frightened elderly person who is probabley worried about what has happened to her... she might just need reassurance... strokes not only affect physically there are changes to the brain chemistry too which makes people more emotional , frightened and feeling vulnerable , she can't help it she is anxious.... I did say it would be difficult but for your Mums sake she probabely needs to keep her part-time job it will enable her to carry on looking after your Nan for as long as its necessary allowing her a little respite everyday could be vital ... maybe your could reassure her and say that you are going to try with the carer and see how it goes.. I know people who felt the same and then after a few days the carer was the best thing since sliced bread....
She might need coaxing gently.......mabye there is another family member who could pop in on her to share the load?

nats3006

Hiya just to let u know my grandad had a stroke back in november 05 and he couldnt use his hand/arm for a long time his wife told her work what had happened and they was very good and let her have time off as and when she needed it!! my grandad has just got more use of his hand and arm but will never feel how it used to or be able to use it again properly!! just tell your mum to sit and talk to your nan and tell her she will be there for her as much as she can but doesnt want to lose her independance as this is the job she wants to carry on doing!
hope it goes ok
good luck
nats
x

buxtonrabbitgreen

I think your mum should tell your nan that she intends to keep her job, and that they will have to have someone in to help, whether or not they are strangers. I understand how your nan feels and also your mum's guilt. After my mum had a stroke and later was quite ill and dependent , I helped her move close.r to me. No room in my house for another. I did a lot for her but wouldn't give up my job. Social services and age concern were very helpful. The way I was thinking, and rightly so as it happens, was that when she died I would be out of work and maybe too old, to out of the workplace to get another job.