Advice for a parent struggling to accept

princessdon

Evening all

I have someone close to me whose child has recently started education. I personally have had concerns for some time Re development and potential disability. Parents will not consider this at all.

School have voiced huge concerns and asked for support services to be implemented, parents are doing "an ostrich" and avoiding issues. They are refusing all support and not accepting that there are issues that need addressing.

Whilst I appreciate this, I wish to help them.

Can anyone inform me of practical reasons why Autism is better diagnosed at an early stage and support put in place, or I am wrong and the parents correct that their child needs time before they do so?

I am caught in a professional and personal place and only want what is best. If early diagnosis leads to a none advantage then I'd support the parent, if however, early diagnosis and support is beneficial for the child I would, even if hard, argue with the person concerned to take the help being readily offered.

benefitbaby

Some food for thought... the benefits of early testing:
http://www.autism-society.org/about-autism/diagnosis/screening-instruments.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=84878

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1943512,00.html

In addition if the child's needs are not identified whilst he/she is young it can be much harder to persuade schools to assess and arrange a statement of education needs, which will determine the additional support etc that would be beneficial.

nlj1520

Didn't follow the links, but know that early intervention is hugely beneficial for the child if they are autistic (and probably for other problems too) but it is a life long condition and there is no 'cure'. Early intervention can help put in place coping strategies for the child when they are anxious and build as much communication as possible while the brain is still developing. The brain becomes less 'plastic' as a child matures and early years are the time to get the groundwork done.
As for forcing parents to accept that their child has a problem............well that's a whole other matter. They can only do it at their own pace, they are not really refusing to accept that there is a problem....they CAN'T accept that there is a problem. You risk losing a friend if you try to force the issue, better from doctor, teacher or the like. That gives them someone to shout at, rail at without it becoming personal. When the news was broken to me about my son, the Nurse who did it deliberately did it face to face so that she could absorb the emotions that came with the news and support me. (She told me this later). Actually I went into a kind of numb shock and emotions came much later, but it is devastating for a parent and the news needs to come professionaly.
All the very best for this difficult situation.

shegirl

As said,early intervention increases chances of success of any work done.

Does this person,or you,have any friends or family with an ASD child?I ask because I have a friend who refused to believe the concerns from nursery and others regarding her son.She said they were just little things that were 'him' and nothing to be concerned about.She refused the idea of assessment,ranted about labelling etc.All it took for her to change her mind is for me (parent of a severe autistic) to ask her what their concerns were and for me to tell her they're probably wondering about Aspergers/high functioning autism.It did hurt her,I could tell that,but she did end up then going for assessment.

I do think that sometimes talking to someone who has dealt with similar and has experience can make them look at it differently.They're not alone,they're understood and they don't feel that person is saying 'hey,there's something wrong with your kid' which is how some parents feel when concerns are mentioned.

princessdon wrote: »

Evening all

I have someone close to me whose child has recently started education. I personally have had concerns for some time Re development and potential disability. Parents will not consider this at all.

School have voiced huge concerns and asked for support services to be implemented, parents are doing "an ostrich" and avoiding issues. They are refusing all support and not accepting that there are issues that need addressing.

Whilst I appreciate this, I wish to help them.

Can anyone inform me of practical reasons why Autism is better diagnosed at an early stage and support put in place, or I am wrong and the parents correct that their child needs time before they do so?

I am caught in a professional and personal place and only want what is best. If early diagnosis leads to a none advantage then I'd support the parent, if however, early diagnosis and support is beneficial for the child I would, even if hard, argue with the person concerned to take the help being readily offered.

princessdon

Thank you all - those links are very useful and confirm what I thought re early diagnosis, and yes Shegirl I think I can get someone I know (she doesn't them though) to talk to her. I can't imagine how she is feeling and just wanted to help.

I'm going to broach the subject over a glass of wine tomorrow evening and will email her the links.

kidcat

Princessdon - both my sons are autistic, the day we were told it was a possibility I cannot describe the pain, it took a schooling crisis followed by many months of darkness before I was finally able to accept it and begin the request for diagnosis.
At first I was determined not to label my child but then came to realise that in our area without a label my child would not have any chance of a decent education.
It may be that your friends are in the dark zone as I think of it, absorbing, considering and slowly accepting. Whilst early intervention is important, more important is allowing the parents the time they need to accept and be ready for the next step.
Any special need whether autism or something else often means a battle to get the right help, parents who are not ready are not prepared cannot battle effectively.

JC9297

You say you have had concerns but the parents will not consider there are any problems, do you mean you have raised your concerns with them previously?
If they don't think there is anything wrong why do they think the school is saying there is?
From the school's point of view support isn't just for the child/family but for the staff who work with him also, e.g. if he needs extra staff to work with him somebody has to fund that.

Own_My_Own

Prinessdon, my ds was not diagnosed until his teens. I so desperately wanted someone to tell me he wasn't naughty, but I still cried buckets on the day.
I did not cry for him or myself. I cried and cried for the little confused boy who had been misunderstood for all those years. It still makes me cry today, just thinking of him as a small boy not knowing what was going on around him.
When I look back at photos of him as a child he always looks so lost. I did take him to the gp when he was about 4 , but was told he was fine. And I stupidly believed them.

Yes I think early diagnoses is very important.

Savvy_Sue

I think proper diagnosis is very helpful if the problems are severe enough to be noticed and raised at school, and I agree that I'd ask why they thought the school was flagging concerns - they don't do this for the fun of it.

However, I wonder if DS1's AS was suspected at nursery and throughout primary school, although it was only flagged up to me at the end of year 7. I don't think this has disadvantaged him long term and has definitely had some benefits, but I do think some things were more difficult than they need have been for all of us.

martin57

Great thread,

I have a wee lad who has autism but is getting all the help that he can get ...I hope.

Just wondering though why isn't there more discussion about adults with autism who have somehow gone undiagnosed for so long?

My partner thinks I have autism (do have social phobia) and I sometimes feel I am at least 20 years behind others peoples development, but got there in the end

Or is it simply a case of not much being able to be done for adults?

martin57

carerof3

martin57 wrote: »

Great thread,

I have a wee lad who has autism but is getting all the help that he can get ...I hope.

Just wondering though why isn't there more discussion about adults with autism who have somehow gone undiagnosed for so long?

My partner thinks I have autism (do have social phobia) and I sometimes feel I am at least 20 years behind others peoples development, but got there in the end

Or is it simply a case of not much being able to be done for adults?

martin57

I was diagnosed at 40 years old, and only then because I had two autistic sons. Professionals kept saying things like "they do this because they have autism" about things that seemed quite normal to me. So gradually, I realised that I was autistic too. Asperger's Syndrome as a diagnosis only became recognised in about the 1990's, so there are a lot of undiagnosed adults out there. Before that autism was mainly diagnosed in those who also had severe learning difficulties.

I went to get a diagnosis after someone who I had confided to about my thoughts that I might have autism, went round the local special needs groups, saying that I was psychophrenic. I decided if there were going to be rumours about me, they may as well be the right ones!

There isn't any 'help' though, I asked if there was a 'buddy system' for aspie adults, but there isn't. I no confidence to go to new places on my own, and as I haven't any friends if I don't go on my own, I don't go at all.

Whether it's helpful to be diagnosed early is debatable. In one way it is, if support systems are but in place properly, and I should think that growing up with the knowledge that your 'brain is wired differently' is similar to growing up with the knowledge that you are adopted, or something like that, and not suddenly finding out when you are an adult. However too often, children are diagnosed then told they have 'special needs' and can do what they want all the time (it does happen) and that, I think, is not helpful.