Recognising and changing behaviour

System

Lexxi wrote: »

It's a bit more than just a quirk, I've been seeing a counsellor but I was hoping for a book or something, I think, as I'm not sure that the counselling will change the thought process that starts of the destruction. I think

Sorry, can't post links but some books which I have found to be useful are:
-Overcoming Low Self-esteem by Melanie Fennell
-there's another book in the Overcoming.. series about social anxiety, by Gillian Butler
-Feeling Good by David D Burns

I am also in two minds about CBT and counselling. I have been having appointments with a practitioner, but I've found it quite difficult to open up to a stranger about things that are really bothering me. That's just me, though, - I know others have had CBT and found it to be very helpful.

Cat501

Lexxi you sound just like me. I've spent 25 years in the same cycle, although it's been 11 years since I actually started something and then gave it up through terror of failure/can't-be-ar*ed-ness.

3 weeks ago I started seeing a clinical psychologist and we're probably going down the CBT route somewhere down the line , I'm also seeing a psychiatrist for the medication side of things and hoping to get back to seeing my CPN as although we weren't getting very far with the motivational side of things, I'm hoping that combined with the CBT and the new meds (PLEASE let these ones work!!), we will.

The panic of turning 40 this year and thinking that I'm running out of time to do something, anything, with my sorry little life has prompted this. I expect it to be a long and very hard road but I'm forcing myself to be committed and and actually turn up to appts (it is a struggle sometimes, but I really feel this is last chance saloon). I also know I have to be completely HONEST this time even if I make myself sound like a total cow/waster - or there's no point in me being there.

Regarding books, I did buy one on CBT but I know I don't have the motivation, or the concentration at the moment, to do this myself. Without support I'd soon press the old self-destruct button and say "s*d it":o

skint_chick thanks for a really inspring post!:T:T

Lexxi good luck, I would definitely try and speak to a different GP, I don't know about yours but some have a special interest in mental health, if the practice has a website you could find out if any of them do

thehappybutterfly

Miss_Havisham wrote: »

I completed a course of CBT when at my worst with depression. I found it very effective although I had to work hard at it and found it overwhelming at times.

I actually did it on a computer programme called Beating the Blues which was easier and quicker to arrange (by my GP) than a face-to-face course. I can recommend it - the results are still working 7 years later.

Good luck xx

How do you register with this programme? Do you have to get a referral from your GP?

skint_chick

I'd love to go to my GP and ask for a CBT referral but I'm afraid she would think I was completely nuts! I have a job/qualifications/partner etc all the things a "normal" person has. Except for the way I constantly give up on things and have no self esteem whatsoever. Even when I do really well at things I still can't feel a proper sense of pride, I have to focus on the negative/things I could have done better. I think some people just naturally do that. I make lists A LOT, I think mostly because seeing lists of what I've actually done/need to do helps me feel better. I've achieved a lot of good stuff in the past few years but it's a daily struggle to keep restarting and trying. I feel generally like I'm a huge letdown to my family/partner even though they would say the opposite.

The last few months I started volunteering at something I love and now I'm starting a course to retrain and all I can think about is that I'm on holiday for the first week/I don't know anyone/how I will I get good marks when I'm out of my depth but I'm going to do it anyway and go every week because of the feeling I get when I'm volunteering, sometimes I'm a bit hopeless at the tasks I'm doing and sometimes I don't really know what to say or do but being a little bit out of my comfort zone and dealing with it seems to be helping me with my confidence, well I haven't blown them off yet like everything else in my life! Maybe you need to figure out what you really enjoy in life and try doing that for an hour a week at home then build up to courses and classes and putting yourself out there, it's scary for everyone let alone when you know you've had issues with sabotaging yourself before.

Cat501 - thanks for saying I was inspiring:) did you get a referral from your GP? Do you go to sessions during the day or are there evening ones? I don't think I'm depressed as such I just feel lazy and demotivated but maybe talking some more would help - although would I actually be honest? I think I would come across really self absorbed

Cat501

Hi skint_chick - after years and years of trying numerous anti-ds, and finally seeing a CPN who was nice but not right for me (she only saw me a couple of times and said I should go for self-referral counselling. I don't think I was quite honest enough with her!) My doctor got me referred again to another CPN two years ago - a few months ago he referred me on to the psychiatrist, who then referred me to the clinical psychologist. Phew!

I really relate to the "giving up on things" bit. I call myself a "quitter". This isn't helpful at all of course, and it's something I need to address urgently - even if it's true. You've held down a job so :T for that!!!

I'm quite sure your doctor won't think you're crazy!!! But mental health services are a postcode lottery unfortunately - I feel very lucky that I'm now getting so much help.

Btw I did voluntary work for a while too, 8 years ago (so when I said it had been 11 years since I did anything I was mistaken). But I gave it up, without going into detail it's one of the most shameful episodes in my life with regards to letting people down. I've already talked to the psychologist about it which was a big step for me.

I think you're really brave with what you're doing, good luck :T

ps I KNOW I'm going to come across as self-absorbed, I probably do now! But as I said, it's just a waste of time for everyone if I'm not honest

Lexxi

Thanks all for your views on your situations, it's helping to know I'm not all on my own! I wasn't actually expecting many more replies today so I am pleased that people have taken the time to reply.

I think a little history from me might help too, I developed panic attacks and a social type phobia as well as agoraphobia when I was about 14, this meant I missed a year of school, I was sent to college at 15 which was scarier than school which put me back to where I was, all this meant I never did my GCSEs, didn't get a chance to go on to A levels or further study, I really struggled with lots of other things.
I managed to get on to a work based training programme when I started work so gained a NVQ but to now further my career I do need some qualifications. Also because of my low confidence I want a qualification to prove what I know and what my capabilities are.
I feel overwhelmed by the courses because of the past experiences, having never done anything more in an educational setting than the exams I did at 13. I also feel quite stupid and thick when I'm sat in these courses alongside people that seem to know what they are doing.

I googled CBT lots last night and some of the things I have been doing with the counsellor are a bit CBT, I was seeing her for other issues and she mentioned my confidence but bringing the stuff up from being younger has turned me into a bit of a wreck and I just want to work through it and also know that I'm leaving these things behind, I know that exploring things with the counsellor will make me more aware of them but I was thinking a book would be good as a back up to refer to in case I start to slip back.
It has been hard opening up to the counsellor and I've probably spent a fair bit of time messing about skirting around the issues but it has helped lots to where I was earlier this year.

thehappybutterfly I was on MINDs website and they suggest moodgym for an on-line programme if people don't want to see their GP https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I haven't signed up yet
Or if people do want referrals MIND says that NHSs are supposed to be suggesting CBT http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/making_sense_of_cognitive_behaviour_therapy I'll put that link up too in case anyone wants to have a look. I've been doing the exercise thing it shows about situation, behaviour, actions, thought
My GP has given me some Anti Ds so maybe I should start taking them while I finish either my counselling or my course

Thank you for the book suggestions too avogardo, I'm going to have a look at them.

I hope I've answered everyone, sorry for such a long post

skint_chick

I've found a lot of people on courses pretend they know what they're doing but are secretly freaking out about being seen as stupid so don't ever admit it. Once you admit you're a bit lost then others will agree with you, plus if you're at a course with other adults you would expect the courtesy that noone will be judging you for not understanding everything at once. Have you thought about one of the IT essential skills courses that are free? I did one through my locl college even though I knew all the stuff just to get the certificate to prove I did and because I had all the skills already I felt more confident about doing it and actually completed it - there's English, Maths and IT so you could pick one you feel confident about even if you know everything/the majority of the stuff on the course you might find it easier to finish and build your confidence for the next course by focusing on building your skills taking to others on the course/getting into a routine of going every week and dealing with feelings of not wanting to go. Most GCSEs etc now have modules and coursework which takes the pressure off slightly knowing that not all your marks are based on a single exam.

If your GP gave you the tablets you should take them - even if you don't think they're making any difference it can take a few weeks for them to kick in and you're not going to suddenly turn into a confident person overnight, the tablets are to help the overall situation

I think you're being really brave admitting stuff on here, if it helps write stuff down you want to talk to your counsellor about - I found that by making a list I could give mine to her and then it was harder to avoid issues that were difficult to talk about because they were there in black and white

Lexxi

My experience of learning is that I will be judged though and harshly/unfairly. I don't feel brave admitting to any of this, I thought I'd resolved the issues from when I was younger and it's really painful going back over them again now

I hadn't been taking the tablets that the GP prescribed as the leaflet says if I feel 'that' bad then they will make me feel worse and I have been feeling 'that' bad. I also wanted him to prescribe ones that I had before as I know that helped and he wouldn't. I started taking them last night, they really don't seem to agree with me, I felt really ill.

I've been writing things down, I used to and I've just started again and it does help, I think I just got out of the habit. I think it's helped get things in order for when I next see the counsellor

I might try looking at some of the free courses and see if there is anything I can do, thanks for the suggestion!