Financially dependent and ending a relationship

ilovemylittleones

I'm considering leaving my partner of 12 years who has been unfaithful.

We are not married but have been together for 12 years. We have a mortgage of about 95k and our property is worth about £140k. It is a joint mortgage and I contributed significantly to it prior to giving up my job to be a SAHM. Have two children aged 5 and 7. The youngest has just started school. I am seeking term time only, school-hour employment (I want to avoid leaving my children in child care where possible). My partner earns about £40k. I receive child benefit and lower rate DLA for one of my children who has a minor disability.

Ideally I would like to remain in the property to save the children the stress of moving. But I can't afford to make the mortgage payment of £500 per month alone. It's my understanding that I may not receive any housing benefit as my share of the house, minus 10% and at 50% of the equity might be just over £16,000.

If I was to leave with the children in my current circumstances, I would have maintenance payments, job seekers, DLA payments, child benefit and child tax credits - but the tax credits would stop if the house was sold as my equity share would be classed as an income.

What is the best way I can separate from my partner, given that I need financial support? I know that I can't sell the house and go on a £20k spending spree and then claim or can I. I wanted it to go in a trust fund for the kids - but I've found out that's illegal - So is selling to an investor and renting the house with housing benefit.

Please help!

Caz3121

I cases like this,the equity value of the property can be ignored for 26 weeks whilst the property is up for sale.
Once you receive the equity any means tested benefits will stop if it is over £16k. You will still receive tax credits so it would likely be any JSA and housing benefit you would lose until you get below the £16k mark (benefits will be reduced between 6-16k)... am no you cannot give money away to get to <£16k

PippaGirl_2

I know someone who was awarded 60% of the equity of her FMH so £46,000 on divorce (had her xh had a lawyer she'd have got a lot less as Judges often do not award money to someone who is just going to lose it all as they are on benefits). She lost everything but her DLA and one year later had nothing left! She did have a holiday and buy a new car (those things are allowed as long as that isn't 'all' the money) though.

BigAunty

Tax credits are based on income and aren't means tested in the way that you think. They are affected by interest on savings above £300 a year.

However,in the future move to the Universal Credit system (which may or may not be rolled out in the next 4 years) will see UC operate more like how IS and HB is handled(but still, this won't apply to equity in the property where the claimant occupies only to savings/investments that they can access). There is some kind of transitional protection.

See the Shelter website which has a section on relationship breakdowns and which will detail your rights and options. This might include an occupation order where you would be permitted to live in the property until the youngest turned 18, for example. See a solicitor, too.

If you went the CSA route, your ex would be obliged to pay 20% of his gross wages to you, about £666 per month - that would surely cover the cost of the mortgage, leaving you with £166 left over, plus your child tax credits, JSA child benefit and council tax discount.

As well as having no mortgage or council tax to pay directly, you'd have the remaining £38 child support, £113 child tax credits, £71 JSA, £33 child benefit each week - thats £275 disposable income each week (including low rate DLA), more than you'd get on a full time NMW job.

PippaGirl_2

I think it's 20% of net income to CSA, often parents increase their pension contributions so as to pay less - unless it has changed in the last 2 years.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

PippaGirl wrote: »

I think it's 20% of net income to CSA, often parents increase their pension contributions so as to pay less - unless it has changed in the last 2 years.

This will change in October when new regulations for CSA payments will be based on gross income to stop non resident parents from doing this

The best advice received so far is from Big Aunty. Thats how much you'll have to live on and it is enough to live on. Getting a job would bring a bit more income and self respect in but don't hold your breath on getting a term-time only job - about 3 million other women are after the same job too! Just go for a normal part time job - you'll get your childcare contributions too don't forget.

BigAunty

PippaGirl wrote: »

I think it's 20% of net income to CSA, often parents increase their pension contributions so as to pay less - unless it has changed in the last 2 years.

Thanks to you and apologies to the OP, yes it's probably net, so closer to £500 I would think, depending on pension contribution and cooperation by the non-resident parent.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/IfyourealreadyusingtheChildSupportAgency/DG_198928

MissMoneypenny

BigAunty wrote: »

See the Shelter website which has a section on relationship breakdowns and which will detail your rights and options. This might include an occupation order where you would be permitted to live in the property until the youngest turned 18, for example. See a solicitor, too.

If you went the CSA route, your ex would be obliged to pay 20% of his gross wages to you, about £666 per month - that would surely cover the cost of the mortgage, leaving you with £166 left over, plus your child tax credits, JSA child benefit and council tax discount.

That CSA payment takes quite a while to set up (look on the CSA sub board) and the mortgage would still have to be paid in the meantime.

How willing is your OH to pay this 20% every month?

TBH, when I decided to leave my OH with children about your childrens age, I decided that work gave me the most control over mine and my childrens life. That way I didn't have to keeping jumping through welfare hoops or ex OH hoops for the next x number of years.

It's amazing how children cope. You will be worrying about them and they will be having a great time. I grew up with both parents working, so I knew how much I enjoyed having that freedom, as a child.

IsThisIt

Hello,

I just want to say that I am in the exact same position as ilovemylittleones. Not married, joint mortgage together, been together 20 years, 2 children aged 6, financially dependent and he's been unfaithful. We have tried living together in separate rooms for the past year but it's not working out.

I am currently considering privately renting with my share of the equity if I can find a landlord who is willing to take me on without a job, but I will be able to pay rent upfront, say 6 months.

Its such a rollercoaster of emotions and so difficult getting your head around being in this situation - one that I never imagined I would be in......feel free to message me if you want to offload

ilovemylittleones

Wow. What allot of very, very useful information here. I know that my partner would pay what he is supposed to in terms of CSA.

I went to the council today and was told that as long as I provided evidence that I was trying to force the sale of the house, I would be paid housing benefit. I could in the mean time use my credit cards to pay to secure a rented house and then repay these legitimately when the equity was released. Actually, by the time I repaid that and other credit cards, my over draft, bought a car (ours is in partners name), kitted out a house and banked the threshold savings - there would be very little equity left and I would still receive housing benefit.

So there is a get-out option there (before April at least) if things become intolerable.

I would dearly love to stay in the house though *sigh*. Does anyone know if i can be forced to sell? What I mean is, if it came to that and I did have enough income to support the mortgage - can I still be forced to sell? Also, could I be forced to accept a buy out? Petty yes - but I don't like the idea of my partner forcing me off the mortgage if I could afford it.

Working and not being dependent any more really does resonate and I am going to put all my energy into this now. It would put me into a stronger position, logistically and mentally.

Thanks again for all this info everyone

princessdon

Can you afford to stay in it though?

If you got a job could you afford it (ie would a mortgage lender allow it).