Advice if possible

stitch28

Hello, i have read a lot of great advice on this site and would like to ask for some for my friends predicament.
Ok, so the background is he has been married for ten years, two children aged 8 and 10 from the marriage, she doesnt work, had done some part time work but nothing since she had the children. He had a drink problem through most of their marriage but has been dry for over a year now and attends meetings. Through the drinking the love died and she openly admits she doesnt want to be with him intimately. They moved into their home four years ago and he slept in the spare room from day one. They go through the motions of family life (attending my daughters wedding as a family, holidays etc) but i dread going round to visit as they always row and im sure a lot of mutual friends feel the same. Its not good for the children although it has to be said most of the shouting comes from the wife. He is self employed and a partner in the firm, earns well and is in regular work. Im not sure if its a joint mortgage they have. She has no savings or income of her own. He has a pension.
Now right or wrong (not my call) he started seeing someone last year and its still going on now. When it all came out he admitted he wanted to be with the other person but didnt want to leave the kids through the guilt he felt when he missed out on so much of their lives when he was drinking (he was never a nasty drunk and worked/maintained a normal life during the time he drank - ive known them since they moved here and i didnt even realise).
My question is if he moved out would she be entitled to maintenance? He has said that he does not want to move or tell the kids but has said they should divorce as he doesnt love her any more. He wants to continue living under the same conditions as now - continue paying for everything, sleep in the spare room but divorce and live his life the way he wants (presumably to come and go as he pleases with his new partner). The alternative would be to move out and start divorce proceedings. He would always ensure the children were looked after financially but what could she possibly be entitled to if he moved out? Since he is a partner in the firm would that mean a bigger monetary value she would be entitled to? Could he work towards a clean break order perhaps whereby she remained in the property until the youngest was 18 and then either took it on or it was sold and shared out? He would clearly pay maintenance for the children but what about spousal maintenance as she doesnt work?
Any advice - apart from he shouldnt have started an affair (ive already voiced that and as i said its not my call but i do feel he should try for a happier life and she should do the same). Many thanks in advance.

elsien

There isn't a definitive answer on this one - best (and cheapest) to come to an amicable arrangement via mediation if they can, because if it goes to court which is expensive it can come down to a combination of personal circumstances, who has the better solicitor and the viewpoint of the individual judge on the day. Worst case scenario is maintenance for life, other possibilities are a clean break, or a couple of years maintenance to retrain so she can job hunt, or a variety of other possibilities inbetween. She may also be entitled to a share of his pension, although again this isn't set in stone.
He really needs to see a solicitor to get proper legal advice. Even if it starts amicably it can get messy quite quickly.
Realistically how likely are they to carry on living in the same house, each with new partners coming and going? Sounds a bit cloud cuckooland to me. What if they don't like each others partners, or one of them is a total slapper with a different partner every week?They're really not going to be able to carry on like that. They're going to have to go their separate ways eventually, why delay the inevitable?
If they do divorce, again mediation is the best way to sort out who the kids live with, access, parental responsibility etc. My relatives ex refused mediation and wouldn't agree arrangements and it's cost him thousands to go to court to get a halfway decent agreement. He's now working on the basis that if they're both equally unhappy with what the court decreed it's probably halfway towards being fair!
Your friend doesn't need to move out to start divorce proceedings. My relatives divorce came through months before they went their separate ways, but 12 months after the divorce they're still sorting out financial and childcare arrangements. And still fighting over who gets the house. Which is why he needs a good solicitor to guide him through it all if it does all go a bit pearshaped. But find one that is prepared to leave court out of it if they can, rather than one who's determined to get their pound of flesh.