Putting My Life Into Order

catandy

good morning so far - ive just signed up to quidco and checked out deals for mine and S1 mobile fones which contacts are up for review in < 6 weeks. signed up a new 24 month contract for son with better fone than he has, less minutes and texts (he never used his allowance) for the princely sum of £9 plus vat per month - currently been paying £22+vat so big saving. oh and a £45 money back deal as well so his fones going to cost me 85 quid or so for the full year - bargain. will do the same with mine in a few weeks when its time and another £45 back again which can only be good. i think ive just found a new way to shop online

catandy

funny day all told today:-

had to fill up the car which is 71 quid i hadnt counted on....:(

work up and down at the mo - lost 336 quid this month from my main co I work with whilst they get sorted, close to dropping the commission only job i took on as it just doesnt work! thinking of getting on the fone and selling the software that me and my partner have developed instead - at least that way we're benefitting and not some other company that pays me peanuts

spent last night on rubbish whilst sitting waiting for son to come out of a meeting - only 11 quid wasted but im so cross at myself

ex and his daughter are the only ones complaining about new regime and lack of funds now - s1 and s2 totally on board and helping me out as much as they can. ex and daughter it feels like they are deliberately trying to make more expense - ex got angry with the keyboard on his pc earlier which has been playing up for a bit and started smashing it, i just said if you break it you replace it out of your money and lo and behold his temper evaporated! i feel like im living with a kid to be honest. I also told him that if the business doesnt start taking off by xmas latest he will have to go and get a job, he replied he not 'working for minimum wage as hes better than that' well at the moment hes doing absolutely nothing and expecting for me to pick up his tab indefinately.... i feel like im getting stronger cos i can see what im doing and where im going with the debts i have so i will be bringing this to a close - that may mean that ive wasted 2.5 years building this business with him just to close it down but perhaps that is the right thing to do. at least it means i can walk away with my sanity.

oh and done hardly nothing at the pt work from home job today or even surveys to be honest - just a blah day all round...

tomorrow will be better im sure:T

catandy

ok plans for today...

1. work 2 full day projects alongside each other
2. fit in some pt work around it/ lunch break and tonight after hours
3. dinner is planned and from supplies
4. need to go and get some bread and milk so walk to local shop at lunch time to save petrol and get it cheaper than the garage on the corner.
5. surveys and swagbucks as they come in and if i have time
6. see how S1 foot is tonight when he gets in (he's injured himself and could barely walk when he got in yesterday) but it seemed to wear off when he got in and rested it. I think a trip to casualty may be in order tonight.

im also starting to make a list of things that can be got rid of on Ebay, I cant find how to transfer pics from my fone to my pc properly so will wait till i get my new fone (4 weeks) then have a mad session posting them all at the same time. will also give me a chance to have a major declutter at the same time.

thats me done for today.:D

catandy

had a mad one this morning foning around and getting better deals on things/ cancelling stuff. ive had enuf - had my cc statement thru from vanquis and im over the limit, I cancelled breakdown cover from the AA as i have it via my bank account but it still went thru pushing me over.... got to fone AA again this afternoon to cancel it and get a refund :mad::mad:

so far ive cut the following on a monthly basis-

39.42 vanquis for their rip off repayment option plan (which i cant claim on cos im self employed - total waste of money)
19.50 virgin tv - we currently do not have a TV so again a waste of money (also got a £26 refund due but wont be until November)
19.00 insurance on 2 pc's - if they break we take them to the shop to get them fixed.
8.63 aqua payment protection


total so far - 86.55 saved each month

still to contact:-

sky bill (ex's daughters contract but I pay it) going to reduce it down if i can but using the online help they have just asked me higher prices for less services... if i cant get it reduced by speaking to someone i cancel it completely and she has to watch freeview like everyone else does - thats 36 quid per month potentially

Cap1 payment protection 3.97 per month (is this really worth bothering with?) dont know depends how bothered i can be at the end of the day when ive been arguing with these companies on and off.

was thinking about reducing my contract at the gym and going on reduced hours but to be honest its the only 'me' time i get and it would save just £10 per month. it also means i wouldnt make it to the gym at all as Ive got to work ft x 2 to pay these bloody bills off so that answers that question!

Mobile bills come down by 22 quid per month from November so that will help a bit as well, plus Im thinking of putting BT bills (2 lines for home and work) onto quarterly payments - ok i know ive got to find the money but its 180 every quarter rather than 60 per month which is a lot at the moment!

ok gotta get back to work and earn some more ££:T

catandy

:oI'm just feeling totally bleugh at the moment and struggling to see the point to all this. it feels like I spend every waking moment thinking about money/ making changes with money/ lecturing about spending money and it makes not a blind bit of difference because everyone / everything just conspires against me and carries on regardless so all my effort feels like its for nothing.

Ive done all I can do this month with contacting companies and reducing services, rearranging dates to limit costs, getting refunds and so on and still no further forward... I cancelled AA membership but they billed me anyway and at £198 that must be some sort of amazing cover. I hadnt accounted for the payment going thru so didnt have enough money on the CC which in turn went into the red, which in turn incurred charges which had to be paid plus the amount to get me back into credit and hey ho Im now broker than Im supposed to be, plus I'm more in debt that I started at :mad::(:mad::(

I explained to daughter of ex yesterday that I was going to have to cancel her sky contract - @ 36 quid a month its not a huge spend but its more than I want to be paying out at the moment. She went into a 'tizzy' - she's a single SAHM who lives with the TV on for company, her daughter is sat infront of the disney channel to keep her quiet and basically by me cancelling it her life is going to become unbearable.... fast forward a couple of hours and then I've got ex partner explaining that I know how little she has in life and if I take that off her I'm a selfish b**ch plus likely to make daughter do something 'bad again' - she's attempted suicide in the past and quite 'volatile' so needs stability apparently. so that has been left - I just feel like I'm the person with the least control over the situation here - and wonder constantly how the hell I got in this position.

Im also struggling with holding down 2 jobs at once and scared cos I'm short of hours this month, I only get paid when i work (no luxury of a salary to fall back on) so my take home money next month is going to be almost half what it was this month. which means some more serious belt tightening... and i dont know how i can find those savings...

ok things left to do which will make a difference. I'm the practical sort so i live by lists.

• fone AA membership and get a refund sorted out if possible.
• take broken computer equipment back to the shop and demand a refund not a replacement (its hardware and it lasted less than 2 months which is not good) - that would be another £49 into the coffers.
• change bt bills (mine and daughters) onto quarterly billing - its only £53 per month but at the moment I need that in my bank account each month. I may even change our electric to quarterly billing as well - we currently pay by pre-pay meter and I'm not even British Gas will let me change it but if you dont ask you dont get do you?
• cancel insurance that i have on the 2 pcs we bought - i tried to get this done yesterday but ran out of time in the end.
• cook dinner from supplies. (this part is getting easy and its saving me £20 a week from what I used to be spending at the supermarket)
• refuse to buy booze for ex - if he wants any he can dip into his own money and get some. he's the only one who drinks it. hes not a big drinker but i feel aggrieved spending a fiver on something for him when it could be going off bills or on something that my kids want.
• get my tax return finished this weekend - I need my rebate to come thru.
• kick ex up the proverbial to do his return so he can get his rebate and pay me something towards his board and keep.
• make a decision about ex's daughter re the sky position and keep to it. im just sick of being made to feel responsible/ guilty for other peoples lives and how my lack of earning power is effecting them.
• ignore ex when he starts going on about what equipment he needs to buy to be able to do his job properly - he doesnt even have a paying project at the moment so im sure as hell not going to be paying any more money out till he does.
• do something to move the business forward that i run with the ex - im thinking of listing the software we have developed on Amazon and seeing if we get any enquiries that way.

ok better get started - ive still got to 'create' some work that i did yesterday;)

lushplus4

Hi, I have been following your thread with interest.

I think your ex and his daughter are taking advantage of your good nature. How can you possibly be reponsible for his daughter, tough she will have to go without disney.

She is a mother herself and it's her responsibility to provide disney to her daughter if she honestly feels that it's essential. and to call you names is awful, don't put up with it.

Can I ask why your ex is still living with you, it seems he is draining you finacially as well as emotionally.

I wish you luck you are amazing :T

Rainbow_Bridge

Don't give up, stick with it catandy, you can do this.

They obviously are all going to resist change, because it suits them, but your health and well being has to be the priority if you are going to keep going for the long haul.

Why is your ex partner not helping with the contracts you are doing, while he has none of his own?

You are not being selfish, they are, but you have allowed things to become unbalanced and now you are taking back control.

Stay firm, we are all behind you xxxx.

catandy

thanx for the responses and good wishes guys - it made me end up in tears cos im not used to anyone taking a blind bit of notice whats going on or thinking about how im doing but big thankyous anyway

and in answer to your questions, I'm in this position because I feel sort of responsible for the daughter/ grand daughter - they ended up living with me when they lost their house and I got them back sorted and found them a place to live/ got benefits sorted and so on. trouble is i thought it would be a short term thing and the daughter would realise shes now got responsibilities of her own and step up to them... how wrong i was.

ex/ flatmate/ business partner lives with me still cos hes an ex bankrupt that hasnt even bothered opening a bank account, he gets money paid to a PO account which is where he gets his tax credit paid as well, currently his income is £50 a week cos hes got no projects ongoing, nor had anything for a month now and still waiting to get paid on last work he did... always playing catch up. he also wont think about signing on at the moment, not till things get dire...

ive done something good anyway today - ive just cancelled the AA membership that went thru by 'error' - got a refund coming back but may take up to a month to hit the account but at least its money coming back to me and not going out!:Tso im a bit happier about that.

and now ive got to get my head down and get 2 projects finished today... oh to be in a position to work for one company at a time and do it well

catandy

what a difference a day makes!:D

the business I run with my ex got 2 huge contracts yesterday so it looks like all this stress and hassle has been worth it. :beer: money wise it means that I can (and will) be taking a salary from the business in 3 months to add to what I earn from my day job, which in turn means that I can pay off all my debts sooner than i thought! :j:j:j which in turn means revised SOA and snowball reports again - but im glad to be doing it cos it means i can be free of worries quicker!:T:T

it also means that ex and business partner can take an income as well and start getting himself back on his feet, opening a proper bank accout for starters so he exists as a financial person ?! if you get my drift, plus taking over the costs of some of his and his daughters bills. who knows it may mean that we can start planning a life on our own - that needs to happen but lack of funds has put it into limbo.

Im not changing anything plan wise until this all starts panning out so for now i keep on keeping on, I also know that this development business wise means that there are going to be more business costs but at least we have some cash flow going on to help a bit!

ok back to the here and now, plans for the weekend..

do some of the home based part time job and get up to payout level (just about an hours worth of work away so thats ok)
freezer food shop for the week - ive got all the staples just need meat/ fish etc to make some meals
big clean up and tidy round - this place looks like a bomb hit it
some promotion work on our business - I can see that its working so ive got my enthusiasm back big style.

thats it from me - have a good weekend all

*Robin*

Hello Catandy :wave:

Just spotted your diary, I think you've made a really good start!
But I echo what others have said re. your Ex and his daughter. It is ridiculous that you are expected to pay her 'phone bill and for Sky TV - the latter is certainly not an essential! Why isn't she doing activities with her child rather than sticking him/her in front of Disney channel? Honestly, you'll be doing your step-grandchild no favours at all by enabling that behaviour! :eek:
And as for your Ex.. If he wants to pay his daughter's bills then fine as long as he's already contributed a fair share to your household for his own keep, but you really do have the right to look after your own health first - ie. not have to work so hard to earn that extra 'dead' money.
If he can't see that, then maybe it's time to tell him he's got to move out so that you can get a lodger in his room as you need £75p.wk extra income (assuming you are not still sharing with him; hope not :eek: ). ..He could always go and live with his daughter - sleeping on the sofa if necessary - and coming back to yours during working hours. Then he could supervise her if she's so fragile which might be a bonus (depending on whether she has real MH problems or has just failed to get a grip - which is a problem for lots of young adults today who've grown up with a sense of entitlement?).

Congratulations on getting the new contracts - they really do make it a good time for you to insist your Ex must take responsibility for his share of the expenses from now on - not in three months or whenever.

Hope you're having a good weekend - and try not to do more than a quarter of the cleaning up (as I bet you didn't make 100% of the mess! ). I will follow your progress with interest.