Putting My Life Into Order

catandy

I've decided that its time to get my life/ finances/ liabilities into some sort of order so I can actually see some sort of future - at the moment all I can see is the same old treadmill of me working and just scratching at the surface of bills and getting nowhere.

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Ok where to start? Well my set up / responsibilties - I'm a single mom of 1 teenager aged 17 who is studying at college, a surrogate mom to his best friend who cannot live at home (currently a NEET) having left his first and only job, a flat mate (who used to be my partner) and is a business partner and me the sole breadwinner who keeps all of us. We also have flat mates daughter/ grand daughter land on us at various times due to being thrown out of where she lives/ not paid the rent etc. I've become a surrogate mom/ grandma with all the financial responsibilities that entails as well.

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Financially I'm responsible for too many people - thats where all the problems stem from. This time last year I was earning 1500 per week working 3 jobs and it nearly killed me (Im self employed). I lost contracts one by one (due to bad performance on my part) and now am down to 1 full time contract and other bitty jobs that i pick up when i have the time/ inclination. income now is down to £1500 to £2000 per month... I get tax credit/ child benefit and may have some money coming to me in the way of outstanding maintenance from the CSA (only taken them 17 years to get this far...) - this will amount to just a couple of thousand pounds so hardly a life changing amount

I've gone thru the calculators on here and it shows my expenditure goes over my income by 300 per month - problem.... so time to do something about it and bring some semblance of normality and peace to my life.

this is for me to vent/ put my ideas/ achievements or otherwise onto paper so if anyone has any ideas or pointers please feel free to chime in!

katy_ann

I was reading your other thread in DFW but I think these diaries are great ideas to show people how much you've come along! When I had my LBM I went through my cupboards, atics etc and sold anything I didnt use/want/wear and made at least £300! So that was a good start! Also I think the challange's on here are good ideas Try looking at the thrifty board too

Hope all goes well for you! x

catandy

Ok I've taken some time today (whilst I was supposedly working- and I wonder why I lose projects....) to work out some basics that I've decided to enforce.

1. Time for a clear out and posting session on Ebay/ Gumtree or whatever. This place is full of stuff we dont use so may as well try and make some from it instead of throwing it away.
2. Got to prioritise debts and work out which are the most expensive for me in terms of interest - this is a work in progress.
3. Got to start cutting down on electric bills and such like, we're on economy7 so the washing machine needs to go on at night when its cheapest and turn off the lights when we're not in the rooms etc
4. use whats in the freezer/ cupboards instead of 'just nipping out for....' Ok we're going to eat some really weird combinations of food whilst we work out way thru everything but so what?
5. cutting down on contracts - my sons mobile is up for upgrade in 6 weeks time, he doesnt use the minutes hes got or the text allowance so doesnt need the package he has. my existing supplier wont let me downgrade the price plan so im changing to another - same with my phone which is up for renewal the month after - mobile bill should go from £60 per month down to £45 - ok not a huge saving but it all adds up.
6. Penny jar has been raided - more than £150 cashed up at the post office.
7. All the small amounts in saving accounts doing nothing has been moved into my main account to bring my overdraft a bit - another £130 down.
8. got to work out how to get out of responsibilities for other peoples liabilities. I've got myself into a position that Im paying other peoples bills and they have come to expect it - time to protect me and mine. Ok i dont like saying no to people but I cant do this any longer!

thats a good start dont you think?

catandy

and now I've got all my figures in black and white and it seems like an obstacle im never going to get over

i currently am £20365 in debt and that is going up by £300 each and every month ( or thereabouts) at the moment. I need to do something about this and fast. only problem is now im panicking cos i dont know where to start because it seems such a huge figure

RuthnJasper

catandy wrote: »

Ok I've taken some time today (whilst I was supposedly working- and I wonder why I lose projects....) to work out some basics that I've decided to enforce.

1. Time for a clear out and posting session on Ebay/ Gumtree or whatever. This place is full of stuff we dont use so may as well try and make some from it instead of throwing it away.
2. Got to prioritise debts and work out which are the most expensive for me in terms of interest - this is a work in progress.
3. Got to start cutting down on electric bills and such like, we're on economy7 so the washing machine needs to go on at night when its cheapest and turn off the lights when we're not in the rooms etc
4. use whats in the freezer/ cupboards instead of 'just nipping out for....' Ok we're going to eat some really weird combinations of food whilst we work out way thru everything but so what?
5. cutting down on contracts - my sons mobile is up for upgrade in 6 weeks time, he doesnt use the minutes hes got or the text allowance so doesnt need the package he has. my existing supplier wont let me downgrade the price plan so im changing to another - same with my phone which is up for renewal the month after - mobile bill should go from £60 per month down to £45 - ok not a huge saving but it all adds up.
6. Penny jar has been raided - more than £150 cashed up at the post office.
7. All the small amounts in saving accounts doing nothing has been moved into my main account to bring my overdraft a bit - another £130 down.
8. got to work out how to get out of responsibilities for other peoples liabilities. I've got myself into a position that Im paying other peoples bills and they have come to expect it - time to protect me and mine. Ok i dont like saying no to people but I cant do this any longer!

thats a good start dont you think?

I think this is a FANTASTIC start, Catandy. It is not easy - but it sounds like your head is in the right place in order to empower the other bits of you to make the changes you need.

My debt racked up to about £28k when I had my "lightbulb moment". I'd been hiding bank statements for years and telling myself, "ahh, it's OK..." before I realised that I had more going out each month than I had going in...! Not a pleasant moment. But that was almost five years ago and, though I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, my life is pretty good these days, considering.

I got an IVA in the end - not necessarily the right thing for everyone, but easily the best thing I ever did. The end is now in sight and I am a much better person for having been through this. It certainly makes one more grateful for the important things in life. At first, I couldn't afford to have a TV (I do have a set, but it's not hooked up to an aerial; I just use it for watching videos and dvds), but now I don't have one through choice. I've read loads of brilliant books and had MANY fantastic walks with the dog.

I won't lie - it was one of the most horrible things I've had to go through; especially as I was quite often on the London/"celeb" scene in previous years. But all that is just tinsel and glitter; it doesn't mean anything.

I agree with what you write about saying "no". Like me, I suspect you enjoy buying nice things for, or helping, others. But you're right in that you DO have to start being realistically strict about this - it was one of the hardest things for me to face up to. I could cope with my own stupidity, as it impacted only (mostly) on me. But I used to LOVE buying drinks for my friends when out and about and lovely, unique gifts for Christmas and birthdays. It's tough - but those who REALLY love you and are worth caring about will understand and love you all the same. Anyone who doesn't is a shallow parasite and can s*d off!

You sound like a decent person Catandy - this is the start of a new beginning for you. Of course, it will not be easy initially; but stick with it. It honestly is worth it.

Here is the entry from my dogs' blog (mostly the late Jasper's, now inherited by new dog Gisele) from the day in 2007 when I signed off on my IVA agreement - http://jasper-thedogsblog.blogspot.co.uk/2008/10/saturday-28-july-2007.html.

It'll be OK. Seriously. You're on the right track now.

PM me if you ever need a squeal/rant!

Best wishes. xx

Rainbow_Bridge

Hi Catandy,

Well done for facing up to your situation and setting an action plan !!

I can totally empathise with a lot of what you said, especially the having too much work to the point where it all suffered and the kindhearted, supporting everyone bit.

The problem here is that it's easy to get taken for granted and resentment can build up. You can put yourself at the bottom of the pile, whereas you are the foundation stone of that extended family and you need to take really good care of yourself, so you can keep going strong x.

How about writing down what you do and what other members of the family do and calling a family meeting to redistribute things more fairly. Maybe give everyone the task of figuring a way of making an extra £10.00 a week each, it all adds up.

I am amazed at how good my son has become at hoovering, filling and emptying the dishwasher, washing and hanging up clothes. It just took a bit of training xx.

catandy

ok I got busy last night and signed up to do mystery shopping for 2 companies - ive got my first 'assignement' tomorrow. £3 wont make a massive difference but I should be able to do 2 or 3 of them a week if it works out - Ive also done an online survey so far today and earnt £1 that way as well - I want to aim for £2 per day extra at the moment - just £60 per month will make a dent.

RuthnJasper

catandy wrote: »

ok I got busy last night and signed up to do mystery shopping for 2 companies - ive got my first 'assignement' tomorrow. £3 wont make a massive difference but I should be able to do 2 or 3 of them a week if it works out - Ive also done an online survey so far today and earnt £1 that way as well - I want to aim for £2 per day extra at the moment - just £60 per month will make a dent.

Well done. Bit of a cliche I know - but every little DOES help.

catandy

Good news Ive found a part time job I can do from home at hours to suit me - should make me another 150 quid per month without impacting on my life at all really. I've also earnt the grand total of 1.75 so far today doing surveys!

catandy

Today I'm angry more than anything with my family / those I take responsibility for. I explained last night that I had taken on a new position to earn some extra £££ which would be going straight off the bills and that how we all need to pull together with this to make it happen. Well either I talk to myself (which I feel is the case constantly) or they all have really bad memories because its not 12 hours later and

S1 wants money to go out to town with his mates at the weekend shopping, S2 wants to go to a concert in town in 2 weeks time, flat mate/ ex partner 'needs' some software so he can be get on with his next project.... he hasn't even been awarded the project yet but wants to go out and spend £300+ on a peice of software that he doesnt know how to use so he can teach himself and 'be ready'. Oh and just got a text from surrogate daughter who explained that her fridge/ freezer is empty and she and grand daughter are living on toast so can I do an online shop for her please and get it delivered to her place.... oh and as an aside my fridge/ freezer isnt working properly and will need replacing soon.....

and me? well I'm working 2 jobs around each other, doing surveys, mystery shops around that - start an online job next week in what time I have free, have been getting all the stuff together to do a mass posting on Ebay this weekend, see every penny that I earn go straight out again and am making myself ill with the worry of it all. And of course I moan about money or lack of it all the time because I'm a moaning old harridan who has nothing better to do in her life:mad::mad::mad:

I really am at my wits end with everyone - I can only do this if its a joint effort and no-one seems to take what I say seriously.

I'm also scared witless that I may have to take some time off in the not too distant future (I've been diagnosed with cervical cancer and have gone thru radiotherapy - Im due to start chemo next month and have been told to expect for it to effect my ability to put in the hours I am currently). I cant even get my head round what effect not earning will have on the current situation....

I think part of the problem is I dont take any time off - not to chill out, watch tv, go for a walk or to visit family/ friends - not anything recently. I'm beginning to feel like a pressure cooker getting ready to blow with all the stress of this - and what really makes me mad is I was feeling so damn postive yesterday. Whats changed? Nothing!!! Just get on with it then....

sorry to rant - I have absolutely no one to talk to, cant land these worries on the kids, flat mate cant see that its worth worrying about - his answer is 'they cant shoot you for being in debt'.... perhaps its clear why we are no longer partners..:D

katy_ann

Oh lordy, Im sorry about your situation catandy Im sure all this stress isnt doing your illness any favours at all. Are you entitled to claim any benefits whilst you wont be working?

How old are you son's? Could they possibily get paper rounds or weekend work at a newagent etc?

Is your flat mate expecting you to pay £300+ on this software? Because I would seriously put my foot down there and say no, that is an awful lot of money.

Im not very good at giving advice and Im sure someone will be round soon with some better than mine but seriously keep us updated and let us know what happens.

Take care xx