lost friend

Bryando

I have only one friend who is fading away in the distance. I know a lot of people to say hi and a quick chat in the street. But only one friend, my other school friend died.

I've known her for 6 years and we used to talk nearly every day. For the past year or so I have been going off her. She tends to act inmature. For somebody at 29 you just want to say get grip! This is putting me off her. Her views on things also put me off her.There is always something going on in her life. Whether that be yet another relationship problem or some incident. I could go ages without seeing her then out the blue needs me to come with her to help with a ''crisis''. Then bangs on how I;m her only real good pal.

She also scans my sitting room looking for fault in the decor. She is constantly decorating and I mean wallpaper up one week down the next as she does not like it. I feel she is looking down on me.

We hardly speak to each other, think it's three weeks since we last spoke. I don't have a mobile as have nobody to text. Do have a landline and Facebook account. She would pop in for an hour or two.

I just don't have the desire to phone her. We went through alot in the past but I just feel I have very little in common with her. She hates the fact I get Disability Living Allowance, yet cant be bothered claiming Working Tax Credit.

Question is. Am I at the junction where I forget about this friend and hope I make another friend? I just feel I NEED to have friends, that is what society says. I am quite happy with myself and my partner. Is my mental health make we think negative as this is 'normal' thoughts of a friendship?

McKneff

She isnt your friend if she treats yu like this and you speaking about her like this sounds like you arent her friend either. ie, you dont want to ring her, she annoys you, you feel she looks down on you. See what I mean.

Get yurslef out and join some clubs, go to the library, get a dog, you make lots of aquantances when yu have a dog.
You have to help yourself.

dibuzz

I agree society expects everyone to have friends but I don't have any friends at all and as I rarely go out I'm not likely to make any.
It doesn't sound like you get anything from your friendship with her, if you don't want to see her just claim to be busy when she wants to meet up or tell her how you feel.

j.e.j.

Bryando wrote: »

I just feel I NEED to have friends, that is what society says. I am quite happy with myself and my partner.

I guess that's true, - no-one wants to be a 'billy no-mates' :rotfl: but the way I see it, you either click with someone or you don't. It can't be forced. Acquaintances are relatively easy to come by but it is hard to make/find friends, imo.

lizzie157

dibuzz wrote: »

I agree society expects everyone to have friends but I don't have any friends at all and as I rarely go out I'm not likely to make any.
It doesn't sound like you get anything from your friendship with her, if you don't want to see her just claim to be busy when she wants to meet up or tell her how you feel.

I stopped seeing a 'friend' about 6 months ago. I was having a tough time with DWP and there was no empathy/understanding. She was constantly talking about how much she'd spent on this n' that. It just made me realise that she basically just talked about her new buys every time I saw her and she even had to tell me how much it had cost her to take my DD out for day as company for her child. Whilst I appreciated her asking DD and taking her I thought it unnecessary and coupled with everything else it made me feel inadequate. I let this and loads of other things pass but the lack of support earlier this year just made me realize I was better off without being made to feel bad every time I saw her.
I now have 2 friends but they aren't close friends and I only see them 2/3 times a year. I do get upset about it but although I have lots of aquaintances good friends seem hard to come by. I try and get out and about and if it means going places alone then so be it. Just try and enjoy life friends like this aren't worth having.

j.e.j. wrote: »

I guess that's true, - no-one wants to be a 'billy no-mates' :rotfl: but the way I see it, you either click with someone or you don't. It can't be forced. Acquaintances are relatively easy to come by but it is hard to make/find friends, imo.[/QUOTE

hazyjo

I had a friend who I'd say was my best friend. But after 6 or so years of hearing how she's split up with her BF (over 20 years younger and basically a user, cheat and crafty idiot) every couple of weeks, I've had enough. I kid ye not. It's literally every week or three. Have barely seen her over the last few months.

She can't understand how nobody wants to see her any more and is now going on about how lonely she is, and how everyone's busy with their own lives, and how nobody has time for her...

I'm getting short tempered with her (only her, no others), so it must be because of her, not me. She just doesn't get it. We've tried to be there for her but she doesn't help herself. Has handed her notice in on several jobs without finding another first, then gets incredibly down when she can't find work or afford to pay for anything.

It has got to the stage where I just don't want to hear it any more. If that makes me a bad friend, so be it. But I know for sure I'm not the only one. Others have had it up to here with her. I'm sounding harsh now, I'm really not, others can't believe how long I've put up with it. I ended up saying to her (around 4 years ago) - tell me when you've been apart from him for a month. I do not want to hear about every little spat, or when you've split up, and this time you mean it, and how we're all right, and how you're going to join dating agencies, and how you're going to ignore every call and never ever see or speak with him again...

Your friend does not sound much better. You don't need friends - but it's really nice to keep some independence. Aren't there even any neighbours or people with shared interests you speak to? Family friends/relatives?

We all change and develop. Some at different speeds to others! We're rarely the same people we were a couple of decades ago - and rarely have the same things in common with the same people all that time later. I do have a lot of friends who I knew from school still (I'm 42 now!), and others I've met through work.

Jx

podperson

It doesn't sound like you're getting much out of the friendship at the moment so I wouldn't see the point in continuing with it just for the sake of 'having a friend'. If it helps to put it in perspective think of it in terms of a relationship - would you tell someone to stay with someone they were miserable with just because it was 'better then being on your own' - I doubt it! So, the same principles apply to a friendship.
Don't feel you have to conform to what society thinks - if you're happy in your own company and with your OH then that's fine, that's nothing 'wrong' with you. If you do want to meet new people then maybe look for things in your local area.

Errata

Why do you want to be friends with her? You don't appear to like her and she doesn't appear to like you.

somethingcorporate

Just distance yourself from them. I had a very close friend for over 15 years but as I have grown up and been involved in an "adult" life - getting married, buying houses, good jobs etc. he has stuck to his student lifestyle. A little embarrassing when we're coming up 30 in the not too distant future.

His behavior has been inappropriate when his goddaughter (my daughter) died a few months back and I don't really want to spend any time with him. Do the same with your friend, just be around people that you like and make you happy. Life is too short to associate yourself with people that take from you.

Bryando

Yeah I think I will just make the effort not to phone her. At the moment I am appealing a Disability Living Allowance decision and VERY stressed. My partner must be fed up with me going on about this. But I know for sure if I mention it to my friend she would have some sort of comment.
Thanks for the replys.

gibson123

She is not your friend, you can rely on friends, laugh with friends and look forward to spending time with friends.

It was telling when you wrote you "hope" for friends, sorry you don't hope for friends, hope is for things like you want a nice day or that some-one gets better. You MAKE friends, that means you put in some effort, good suggestions here, get out there and start enjoying life, when you do you will fine everything is easier to handle and life is a little more joyful.