Non-coupon related Drivel Thread 8

jax.26

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

jax.26

yucky funny story...

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

jax.26

This ones a true story...

I have a toy terrier ( about 10 inches tall), had him for 18yrs now anyhow...

My OH takes him for walks all the time and while on one of these walks he passes two teenage boys sitting on a wall. One of the boys says to my OH ' do you know feel like a women walking with that dog'. My Oh answered ' if a felt like a woman I would be chapping your ma's door' the other boy fell off the wall laughing and the big mouthed teenager never said another word.

xx

jax.26

All alone again...I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Who remembers that song?

BLUEWKD

jax.26 wrote: »

All alone again...I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Who remembers that song?

I'm here and I remember it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hsC0nRvZM

Just back from the pub, but only went in briefly to see some pals cos I had to go to Asda. I knew I had a £10 apg running out today, but didn't realise until I looked in my backpack that I had a £19 one as well ood today. :eek::eek: I don't normally go through self scan but had to do to make sure I got through the tills at midnight cos loadsa people were doing big shops.

BLUEWKD

I got a new BFF who is my twin. I just found out me and jax have got loadsa in common,, more than I thought, so gonna make jax my new BFF. Just a shame my BFF can't meet us, but I might gatecrash the scottish meeting depending on the dates and trains;)

CouponWoman

Good morning everyone

Hope you all have a great weekend.


CWxx

CouponWoman

Blue are you feeling any better, you have been really quiet this week.



CWxx

Aesop

Best_price wrote: »

Sorry Doc. Went on a rare night out and just got back. Had lovely time:j:j:j

Will be around tomorrow:) oops or should I say later:D

glad you got to go out and have a lovely time

Best_price

Aesop wrote: »

glad you got to go out and have a lovely time

Awwww thanks Aesop:)