Pet Loss

ReRe21

In February this year my dog who is a rescue dog started falling over/losing his balance. He was taken to the vets, had blood test andurine test which didn’t show anything and was told that it could be arthritisor neurological. I was told that it would cost £1,000 for a neurologist to look at him, hip replacement would be £3,000 or I could try him on anti-inflammatory tablets. I’ve had the dog 8 years and was told he was approximately 4 years old at the time and the vet even estimated that he could be as old as 14. I decided to try the medication as I didn’t want him operated on in view of his age (I also don’t have insurance). I took him back to the vets for routine appointments and continued with the anti-inflammatory tables. His last appointment was in May when he was examined but nothing had really changed.Then about a month ago he started slowing down which I put down to his arthritis getting worse. He then got much worse and I took him to the vets -they performed a blood test etc and also felt a mass in his stomach. The blood test showed that he was slightly anaemic and they wanted to give him a scan so the kept him in overnight. I then had a phone call to tell me that the scan results showed that he had a tumour on the spleen and I had to decide whether I wanted them to operate – if they didn’t operate the tumour could rupture and he’d bleed to death or they could put him to sleep. I’d always said that because of his age I didn’t want him operated on and expressed my concerns regarding this to the vet.But the choices I had was to lose him through the rupture which would be painful for him or have him put to sleep – I felt I just had to give him the chance and told them to operate. The operation was successful – they removed a 2kg tumour which was massive in such a small dog (a terrier cross) they didn’t think it was cancerous as there were no“nodules” on it . He was allowed home the following evening and was ok but very tired which was understandable – he ate a bit of food and drank some water. The following morning he seemed ok (ish) he went out and did his business, ate a little bit of food and then went to stand by the door which was an indication that he wanted to go out. I left him on his own outside for 1-2 minutes and when I went to check on him he was lying on the lawn and didn’t appear to be breathing. I had no idea what to do but spoke to him and picked him up and noticed that he was breathing again. I took him in and put him on his bed and his breathing became very laboured and then I lost him. It was the worst experience of my life and I still can’t believe it’s happened. I phoned the vet to tell them what had happened and spoke to the receptionist and asked her to pass on the message to the surgeon, 20 minutes before they were due to close I rang them and asked to speak to the surgeon – she informed me she had not had the message! I asked her why she thought it had happened and was told that it was probably his heart. I feel so awful that I let the dog down – he suffered a horrible death in the end and I had to watch it.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m so very upset by this but don’t know what I can do about it. I feel that the vet let me and the dog down.When we were there in May how come they didn’t feel the tumor seeing that it was so big? I was not told that there could be a high risk of him dying from heart failure even though they knew I was concerned because of his age. On his discharge I wasn’t really told what he could and couldn’t do – only that I wasn’t to take him for a walk – I wasn’t even given pain killers for him which I would’ve thought he’d need. Can anyone suggest whether there is anything that I can do about this or is the ‘service’ I’ve received acceptable.

Thank you

phill99

I'm sorry for your loss. It's always difficult.

The truth of the matter is that your dog was at 'that time' in his life. 13 or 14 is a good age for most dogs. The vets realistically did as much as they could for your dog. You made the decision to operate on a very old dog. There will always be associated risks with surgery to a dog of that age. Extensive and invasive surgery traumatises the body, and sometimes the body simply can't take it. The heart is weakened and heart failure is the unfortunate result. The reason they didn't feel the tu or is that it may well have not been there. Tumors can grow very quickly and go from nothing in just a few months.

Just try and accept that you and the vets did as much as possible for your dog, but it was just his time to go.

dizzy_lizzie

There's always that thought that we could have done more whatever we do, which is a natural reaction.
Just wanted to say so sorry for your loss.
x

Itsgottabedone

So sorry for you. You gave each other 8 happy years and I can only suggest you focus on that rather than the heartache of the past months.

Brallaqueen

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a very painful time and you're going to feel a lot of anger during the grieving process. You may want to wait until a later date to approach the vet about the failings you perceive, and discuss with them?

scrabbles_2

I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my dearly-loved cat and I do understand how badly this must have hit you. In time happy memories of his healthy life with you will override the sad ones of the end, impossible though that may seem now.

You do have crazy thoughts during those first few dark weeks. I was haunted by the fact that maybe I could have done something more? But the fact is, you did all you could. So did the vet. Although it's not a nice thought, you lost your darling pup because it was the end of his time here, his body was failing. You can fix some things, but you can't fix everything, especially not all at once.

Your vet is not God. No vet has the power to look inside an animal's workings and see exactly where every problem lies. Nor are they able to see into the future and identify sudden unexpected ailments that might come up. Your vet did, on the other hand, go through all of the options with you, include you in the process, and do what they could for your little pup, which is all you can expect them to do. Vets only choose their line of work because they like animals and want to do the best for them. Sadly the more you own pets the more you understand that sometimes veterinary intervention does nothing more than delay the inevitable.

At the moment you are focussing on anger because that means you don't have to focus on grief. As other people have said, this is a natural part of the grieving process, but it can be an unfair one. In the dark days of grief smallest misunderstandings can feel like enormous personal insults and the normal progression of life can feel so, so unfair. Please wait until you have dealt with what happened and put some distance from it before you look back and appraise whether your vet has let you down or not.

The only thing that helped me in despair was to gather lots of photos of my pet when he was still happy and healthy and look at them to try and focus on the good times (I was shocked by the evidence of just how much his health had deteriorated). I wrote him letter after letter and in time I found peace. I can't promise that my method will work for you, but it may be worth trying it. Either way, I do hope you find peace soon.

RIP Pup xx

elsien

Don't beat yourself up about what happened - if you feel the vet's were at fault maybe go in and speak to them when you're ready. But also remember that if you hadn't given your dog a chance with the operation then his life would have been limited anyway and the end may have been just as difficult.

My dog was put to sleep 3 weeks ago - I'd already decided that any operations were out due to her age and health. But when she was taken ill suddenly she was distressed and labouring to breathe, and the vet said I needed to let her go. And it was a horrible thing to have to watch her suffering as she was.

But sometimes there isn't a best option, just a least bad one and you can only do whatever you think is the right thing at the time. We none of us have crystal balls, and whatever the end result as other posters have said, you're always going to be thinking "what if i'd....." regardless of the situation - it's part of the grieving process. And it's horrible, and we wonder why we put ourselves through it.
Bear with it, remember the good times, and it'll be easier over time. Or that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

ReRe21

Thank you all so very much for taking time to read my long post and then leaving such lovely comments. It’s been extremely hard again this weekend without my little fella as there are so many things that remind me of him. Back in work tomorrow so this may help a little.

I’m still in shock with what has happened and the sadness, guilt and anger I feel is still strong. There are questions that I need answers to from the vet but whilst my emotions are like this I’ve decided that writing them a letter my be better.

Thanks again for all your support xx

bugslet

Hi ReRe

By all meansdiscuss the failings, which I think are that they missed the tumour in may and that they failed to pass the message on to the surgeon.

On the first, and of course your circumstances may be completely different, one of my dogs had a tumour on her back leg, which could be felt. I noticed a minor lump which because she has had a few lumps and bumps, neither I or the vets were worried about. Her next fur cut a couple of months later and it had grown significantly ( inwards as well). Fortunately she was only 9 and the tumour was far more accessible to operate on. All I'm saying is that if it was a fast growing tumour, then they may not have had the chance to find it with the best will in the world.

You did your absolute best for your dog and it's a really tough decision when they get to that age, operate or not and thereisn't a right or wrong answer. If only they could all fall asleep on their beds and never wake up when their time comes, but life is pretty poo sometimes and we have to suffer watching them struggle.

Please concentrate on the happy memories and know you did your best for a dog that was lucky enough to have you for his human.

Fire_Fox

Welcome, but sorry to read of your loss.

If you have questions you should raise them with your vet in a letter, being careful not to be accusatory at this stage. Do be aware that some decisions on tests or treatment are made on age or health of the pet, some on what the owner wishes or whether the owner has insurance. Some tumours are behind the rib cage or behind the organs so cannot be felt, some feel like regular tissue. Some are slow growing some are fast growing - if this had a good blood supply it may have been fast growing.

I am confused why you changed your mind about tests and an operation, perhaps the vet was too? It does seem perhaps part of the issue is lack of communication both ways. I find it helpful to be clear with the vet that I want to know when it would be kindest to PTS but at the same time there is money available for whatever is needed. HTH.

catkins

So sorry for the loss of your boy. I had to have my beautiful boy pts almost 7 weeks ago and am still finding it hard.

At first I too kept thinking that me and OH should have done things differently and I was furious with our vet - our boy had lung cancer and the growth was very large so nothing really could be done. I was angry that it had not been spotted earlier but our vet had taken scans only a couple of months before and they were clear so it really wasn't his fault. Our vet is brilliant and I trust him completely but I just felt so much anger towards him and refused to go with OH when one of our cats needed to see him because I did not want to face him.

I now realise it was not his fault or mine or OH's but it was part of my grieving.

It's very difficult getting over the death of a loved pet but it will get easier. It's slowly getting easier for me. Try to focus on the good times and knowing that you gave him happy and loved years with you. I have photos of my boy all round my house and now can look at them and smile 9 times out of 10 instead of crying every time.