Another Bank Holiday Alone

[Deleted User]

Fell free to bypass this but i need a chat.... I dont seem to have much luck in relationships and previous to last guy cheated on me. I moved on and met a great guy recently. Although he told me he had recently split up from his ex i did say i think it was too soon to start a new relationship, but he disagreed and although i played cool we hit it off really well. anyway weve only been together 7weeks and he has ended it saying hes rushed into things and hes sorry. He has got an ill family member and also has with the previous ex a house to sort out as well as other job committments. I suppose hes being fiar by telling me that hes rushed it. But i feel really low. Hoping in time hes going to miss me, but ive already said i wont be txting him atm as i really want him to miss me. Sorry if it feels like im feeling sorry for myself but ive been single and in and out of carp relationships far too long and all i want is to be settled now im in my late 40s

marisco_2

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. Relationships are never easy are they. It must be tough to have begun getting involved with someone only for them to back out and not be ready. Better to find out now than later, but that probably doesn't make you feel better at the moment.

Do you have friends or family nearby that you could visit? Or even just phone and have a chat with. Sometimes when I feel down I just phone someone up and have a good laugh with them. It can make a big difference.

Get out and about, go for a walk and get some fresh air. It can really lift your spirits. I live by the sea and when I feel low I walk along the seafront and it certainly makes me feel better.

Take pleasure in little things, eat well, pamper yourself, get lots of sleep. Listen to some music or read a good book. Do lots of things just for you that you might not focus on as much if you had someone else to factor in or consider.

[Deleted User]

Deleted thanks for replies though

Fire_Fox

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. Maybe you could consider more hobbies and/ or joining online dating agencies so you meet new people be they friends or potential partners? There are loads of activities taking place this and every bank holiday which are suited to us singletons. Casually dating several people at once can be a way of not investing too much emotionally in one person.

One option is to join your local gym, if you attend regularly this can represent excellent value for money. Many ladies especially use classes as a social life, exercise can obviously make you physically healthier, increase confidence levels and boost your mood/ relieve depression. Also be sure you are getting the recommended 10,000 steps every day preferably in the fresh air/ sunlight (even cloudy days) - you might join a 'Walking for Health' group or join a 'Green Gym' voluntary group.

People who are physically confident, upbeat in mood and are busy with friends or hobbies are often more attractive than those who invest everything in one person. Don't be afraid to ask your GP for support if you think you might be getting depressed or might benefit from counselling, you do sound quite negative.

worried_jim

I gave up completely on ever finding a relationship 10 years ago and I feel fine about it. I just don't even bother thinking about it and if I do I just think of all the grief, hassle and heart ache that I have saved myself- there I feel better already.

Seanymph

If 'all you want is to settle down' then that makes you a scarey prospect for some guys - and it's not a healthy way to be at all.

If you focus on learning something new, fulfilling dreams you've had since you were younger, being the best person you can be - then you MAY come across something worthy of you as you go through life achieving things for yourself.

Don't look to having someone as a 'target' to aim at.

I found my OH after years and years of trying to get square pegs to fit into my life, and a year or so after I'd given up on men altogether - and that made me in a much better place to be open to what he was bringing into my life.

mrsrwallace

sorry to hear you're feeling down, we all get a bit low from time to time for whatever reason. I think the other posters are right in saying get out and meet friends and get fresh air. I can also say that I know from experience that the more confident you appear and the more you have going on in your life then the more interesting you will be to any potential partners. I agree with Fire Fox who says to casually date a few men so that you are getting out and about and having fun without having to commit to one person. I wouldn't beat yourself up about being in your 40s and single, I know of folk who didn't "settle down" til their 50s! Don't put the pressure on yourself. If there is someone out there for you then fine but don't be afraid to be single, there are many advantages of it!

Errata

Don't feel low, in only 7 weeks you would have barely got to know him, and now you know you've had a lucky escape.

0^0

Come on over onto the dating thread and have a chat on there.

[Deleted User]

Hi thanks for all the replies. When i meant settle down, i meant to be with a guy in a relationship where we can do our own things and not live together either. Ive taken on board all what has been said and i do a lot of these things anyway as ive been single for a while, so i already go swimming, meet girlfriends and go out without a man. I dont really do casual dating either. I find meeting one guy and getting to know one person at a time is better for me. Having had a conversation with this guy its clear hes got far too much on in his life atm. I know it isnt me and thats made me feel a lot clearer. I was in the same situation as him a year ago and i done the same thing, but the guy i was with at the time went mad at me and so did our mutual friends. I was made to feel bad when all it was was bad timing and if the guy had backed off it probably wouldve worked in the future. I had a long chat with a girlfriend and we went and had a coffee yesterday and she said if you leave him be who knows he may come back. It wasnt as if he didnt like me, quite the opposite, but hes not ready to be with anyone and hes been honest. I dont feel really that i want to casual date anyone atm. Although i had only known this guy for 7weeks i did start to get feelings for him and he did me. I cant just forget them and hide them away and move on, ive done that before and it doesnt work. So ive decided to just chat to men and make it clear atm im not ready to be with anyone. I need some space and time too. Thankyou for all being understanding.