Huge admission...but a new start I hope!

SpikyHedgehog

pollys wrote: »

I once read an article about "happiness" and people were generally happier years ago when they had less material goods than we are today. It was a really good article. I feel much better with less stuff around me. I sleep better in a tidy clutter-free bedroom. Coming downstairs to tidy clutter-free rooms is a much better start to the day.

It might not work for everyone but it does for me.

Pollys

ps I don't ebay, it's charity, recycle and tip.

I've been helped to deal with the clutter & mess in my house by using the Flylady website, & that's 1 of her things - get rid of clutter, don't try selling it as you won't make back what you paid for it. Its very liberating! Its very much a work in progress for me..

Lucyeff wrote: »

Parsniphead, we've always lived quite frugally to enable me to stay at home while the kids are little, and the money really would come in handy here, too. Especially with the house move, the cost of that is scary!

The thing that made me think is - I've been on the waiting list for counselling/CBT for a year, and OH said he thinks we ought to look into going private as my anxiety levels are really high (palpitations on a night, not leaving the house unless it's the school run or a really really good day, etc). I think I would start to feel better once this stuff has gone as it's like it sits at the back of my mind all the time, and so I'm thinking - if I give it away now it's gotten to such a state, then one of the huge weights will be lifted. I might not make any money, but it'll not cost me for the counselling either! And then I can start being positive about other areas that I think are unmanageable.

Sort of like, if I can tackle this, I can tackle anything! :j

(I haven't tackled it yet mind you....) xx

I know Blossomhill has said it, but I'm saying it too - go & have a look at the hoarding thread - you will see so many of us also struggle with stuff to the extent we get very distressed about it. But we also give each other great support! I think you will feel much more positive as you get rid of clutter.

& next time your mum sneaks stuff into your boot, feel free to sneak it right into the bin!

StarLight

I am just sitting here thinking about all the money I have wasted. I have a load of stuff sitting in the garage ready for a car boot. But ... I don't want to do one. Firstly they are £7.00 a pitch, then there is the petrol to get there and then finally a lot of sitting around and hoping that I don't have to load it back into the car! But the guilt of not doing one is driving me nuts! So today, whilst my daughter is at her friends, I am going to load the car and take it all to the charity shop .... I WILL!!!!!

I think from reading this thread that most of you will think that this is the right thing to do my mental health ( a bit wobbly at times) even though we need the money. This thread has helped me come to this decision.

I do ebay and have been successful so will continue where appropriate. BUT the key for me is not to buy the stuff in the first place. We don't need it!!

My problem is I like to treat my DD. Went out yesterday determined not to buy her a treat. Had a fun time feeding the ducks and having a burger (a real treat), then we just popped into the toy shop just to have a look. Came out with a £4.99 microscope which is just about useless! My last £10 for the holidays all gone! I just feel so mean if I don't get her something as she is such a good little girl.

Life can be so difficult. I am a SAHM and finding it quite difficult at times to feel that I am doing a worthwhile job!

Thanks for the thread Lucyeff ... x

savingqueen

Just popped to say hello and yes I confess.... I have way too much stuff too. I even have trouble binning postcards people send us from their holidays so you can imagine the stuff we have cluttering the place. Stuff is kept for sentimental reasons, "just in case", one day I'll start sewing, "we need a spare" etc etc. I grew up with a hoarding dad, DH hoards (but different things to me) and I'm terrible. I think some of mine comes from anxiety and also trying not to spend on non-essentials, I think stored items might have uses later.

We want to move house.... big dream at the moment but if we do non-one will see past our clutter... well actually if they do, they will see how shabby the place is! I can't wave a magic wand and and create a show home .... but I can declutter a lot, then have a massive spring clean and have room to give everywhere a lick of paint. This will either help us sell later and/or make life a bit more bearable in our current pad.

I really need a big shake-up, both DH and I do actually (we've been discussing it lots lately) - sort the mess, loose weight and get out of our comfort zone a bit - and longer term get a job or earn some part-time income somehow and move.

Think I'd better join some threads - hoarding/decluttering, loosing weight and any others that will help. Feel like I'm closer to actually DOING something about all this stuff, confessing publicly. But need to do all this without getting obsessive, feeling guilty and beating myself up about it - here we go, new day today!

ps probably shouldn't say this.... but I once lost a lot of weight, got down to my ideal healthy weight, bought new clothes, threw out old bigger ones. You guessed it! I put all the weight back on (had 2 ops which left me a bit immobile for a while, my excuse but no excuse now!) and then had to buy a whole set of bigger clothes again. Still have all the smaller size clothes so another incentive to loose weight as I have an instant new wardrobe!

good luck all and have a good day
sq:)

viv1956

I also have far too much stuff and am having a real problem getting rid......just wish I could just throw.
Have today gone through my drink shelf and thrown old tea/coffee sachets etc

PipneyJane

StarLight wrote: »

My problem is I like to treat my DD. Went out yesterday determined not to buy her a treat. Had a fun time feeding the ducks and having a burger (a real treat), ...... I just feel so mean if I don't get her something as she is such a good little girl.

This really struck a chord with me. The thing is, in six months time your daughter won't remember whether you did/didn't buy a toy at the toy shop. What she'll remember is a fun day feeding the ducks with her mum AND she got to have a burger!

That was her real treat, not the piece of plastic you gave her.

StarLight wrote: »

we just popped into the toy shop just to have a look.

You need a strategy.

The first thing that most of us proto-hoarders need to learn is that stuff can't fill the gaps we feel inside ourselves. Shopping doesn't resolve feeling inadequate or needy or not a good enough mum or feeling broke. In fact, it compounds the problem by making us feel guilty because we wasted the money/acquired more junk, etc, which in turn makes us feel more inadequate. And it doesn't matter if it's stuff for us or stuff for other members of the family.

If there is a "Rule One", it's until we break the "shopping makes us feel better" emotional link, don't go near a shop unless there is a particular thing you want/need to get.

ETA: I hope the above didn't come across as criticism directed at Starlight. (I'm not picking on you.) My own hoard includes several cookbooks and decorating books that were purchased at my lowest point precisely for the lifestyle they portrayed. I was so miserably unhappy, but looking at the pictures gave me something to aspire to, to daydream about. As did the hundreds of novels I buried myself in back then. Anything was better than confronting the horrible homelife I had at that time.

viv1956

PipneyJane wrote: »

.

If there is a "Rule One", it's until we break the "shopping makes us feel better" emotional link, don't go near a shop unless there is a particular thing you want/need to get.

What a brilliant rule - will aim really really hard to follow it - thanks so much

viv1956

And why do I have so many cookbooks when if I want a recipe I always search on goggle

Lizbetty

Hi everyone!

This is just a quick message but I'm sat in my room with a smaller pile of stuff in the corner (the majority of it has gone to the Hospice - two van loads there!) and we can now see the floor in our loft.

OH is home early and we're off to get cracking again. It feels neverending but the fact that we can see the floor is a huge incentive! :j:j:j

Lucy x

*miaomiao*

Chin up, ladies and gents! You are all doing wonderfully with these challenges, even just one thing at a time. Well done!

I would like to recommend using Freecycle/Realcycle/Freegle type lists as we have had good success (ask for serious people only who will collect, then request telephone number & specific time/day - that cut down on daft requests). Sometimes I have even listed things as a job lot for charity shops or carbooters to make use of and it's gone every time. Just don't give them broken things! I like doing this too because sometimes people want to save money/can't afford even charity shop items/are collectors/want to help the environment. Whatever the reason, I love that they come and take it away from my house.