Spendaholic help!

Ambitious-Deb

Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie so please be nice!

I'm looking for a little sharing of stories around being a true spendaholic if anyone is willing?

I'm 32, married with over £20,000 of credit card debt. I have absolutely nothing to show for it, as it's simply been spent on month-to-month overspending. I know I've been doing it. I've had various 'lightbulb moments' over the years and desperately tried to reign myself in, but after a couple of months of dedication, I just end up back the way I was. Take-aways, meals out, days out with the kids, wanting to give my son everything (skiing trips, sports gear, holidays), renovating our money-pit of a house. So every month we end up pulling out the plastic to get by.

It kills me to know that a lot of it is generally my fault. My husband does complain a lot when I'm trying to cut back on branded food etc but a lot of it is me - I feel like I'm almost addicted to spending. I grew up in a house where money wasn't really a factor in our thinking (my parents are generally quite well off and could afford the luxuries I overspend on now, so I don't think I really consider money in the way I should).

I know what I need to do - I'm pretty good at the usual moneysaving tips regarding utilities, credit cards (it's all on 0%), etc so I was more looking for other people's experiences and how they snapped themselves out of it rather than tips on how to cut back!

Anyone out there in/been in a similar state of mind? Any tips?

Deb

gjs6385

Ambitious-Deb wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie so please be nice!

I'm looking for a little sharing of stories around being a true spendaholic if anyone is willing?

I'm 32, married with over £20,000 of credit card debt. I have absolutely nothing to show for it, as it's simply been spent on month-to-month overspending. I know I've been doing it. I've had various 'lightbulb moments' over the years and desperately tried to reign myself in, but after a couple of months of dedication, I just end up back the way I was. Take-aways, meals out, days out with the kids, wanting to give my son everything (skiing trips, sports gear, holidays), renovating our money-pit of a house. So every month we end up pulling out the plastic to get by.

It kills me to know that a lot of it is generally my fault. My husband does complain a lot when I'm trying to cut back on branded food etc but a lot of it is me - I feel like I'm almost addicted to spending. I grew up in a house where money wasn't really a factor in our thinking (my parents are generally quite well off and could afford the luxuries I overspend on now, so I don't think I really consider money in the way I should).

I know what I need to do - I'm pretty good at the usual moneysaving tips regarding utilities, credit cards (it's all on 0%), etc so I was more looking for other people's experiences and how they snapped themselves out of it rather than tips on how to cut back!

Anyone out there in/been in a similar state of mind? Any tips?

Deb

Hi Deb,

Firstly, it is important that you admit you may have a problem so well done for that

We (me and my fiancee) have been in a similar situation and we had our 'lightbulb moment' when we missed a mortgage payment.

We then contacted Payplan in 2009, set up a repayment plan and have never looked back!

This not only forced us to snap out of using plastic but also lifted a huge weight!

I would suggest trying similar - you'll feel so much better for it!

HTH.

Sharon87

I did hear once if you go out shopping for example you see something you really want. Don't buy it, wait a couple of days and see if you still really want it. Now you may find that you might not really need that item, or you might find you really do. I've had a few regrets of not buying things I wanted before, but previously I've had more regrets of buying things, once I realised how much I spent!

I'd also be tempted to remove the temptation of the credit cards. Never carry them with you, lock them away or destroy them. It may seem scary, but it removes the temptation.

Also is it your son who requests a lot or do you just treat him? If he asks for a lot, learn to say no, or compromise.

I'd also get rid of the take away menus in the house, and learn to make your own versions. Like indian just buy the ingredients for a couple of different curries, get some different kind of rice, naan bread, popadoms, and voila a home made take away. My parents did this with Chinese and it was much better than a take away.

Good luck with trying to stop being a spendaholic. If you have an addictive nature, I've heard a lot of people on here have become addicted to saving money, ebaying (selling, not buying lol). So maybe in time this will happen to you!

hatemydebt

Hi,

What I found helped me (read shocked me) was when I saw it all written down. I'm not sure if you've done this already, or you're just taking an educated guess at your total. But I often thought - oh i'm in about 16k worth of debt, but when i actually sat down and worked it out to the last penny, it was always more. (eg. dipped into overdraft)

One way someone else once told me was, look at your debt and outgoings and then if you are overspending / putting stuff on cards calculate how much debt you'd be in in 6months, 12 months, 5years time if you carry on as you are. Plus %....

Good luck! Its tough drowning in debt I know x

orcocan

i'd recommend drafting your SOA and perhaps posting it here

you need to realise you've been lucky to have got by so far, however your overspending cannot continue forever and sooner or later you'll have to face the music. You do not want to wait until you've got credit collectors at your door to make the changes you need to make. Do it now! You're in a good situation while you're not paying interest and you have the luxury of paying your debt back without receiving daily phone calls from your creditors because you've just defaulted (and it will get to that sooner or later if you keep overspending). Your kids need your time and love, and those do not cost a penny, not expensive "treats". Find inexpensive hobbies, there are plenty of ways to enjoy yourself without succumbing to consumerism.
Sorry for being patronising and I know this is not the kind of responses you were asking for, but please do not postpone it once again. Best of luck!

ILW

First step is to stop kidding yourself that the overspending is some kind of pseudo medical condition. You can then take responsibility as an adult and sort it out.

nicp60

Hi Deb,
Well done on wanting to stop the rot! You'll find lots of support and help on here.

Ambitious-Deb wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I have absolutely nothing to show for it, as it's simply been spent on month-to-month overspending. I know I've been doing it. I've had various 'lightbulb moments' over the years and desperately tried to reign myself in, but after a couple of months of dedication, I just end up back the way I was. Take-aways, meals out, days out with the kids, wanting to give my son everything (skiing trips, sports gear, holidays), renovating our money-pit of a house. So every month we end up pulling out the plastic to get by.

Deb

I have also been in that situation. For me it started at University and I think it came from a feeling of security, if that makes sense? Buying 'things' and 'stuff' made me feel more in control. Thankfully 5+ years of serious MSE-style living has shaken that feeling out of me.
After 2 years at Uni I had spent 22k :eek:, and didn't have a single thing to show for it. It was 'treats' - takeaways, taxis, nights out, pub for dinner etc. No clothes, gadgets, nothing.

I didn't properly stop until I nearly lost my house.

Nowadays I still fritter a bit, but I budget 100% for it, and then when I have money for a takeaway etc, I don't feel guilty because I've planned it.
I hate feeling constrained by a budget to the penny, so all my disposable income (after savings of course!) goes on a pre-paid debit card. I can't spend what's not on it, which makes me track every penny, and I still feel like I'm a bit carefree.
It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but it works for me.

Best of luck on your journey, Nic x

fozmcfc

I used to be a spendaholic, but now I'm more a spendthift.

For me also working out my debt was a real reality check. I went a month without spending money on anything but essentials and was amazed how much I saved.

That was it, now I never rush into buying non essentials. Once I removed all temptation by cutting up the cards and putting spare money each month towards me debt, I found a new buzz instead of spending I was addicted to paying off debt and saving.

meer53

Is your husband aware of how much debt you have ? If not, tell him.

Do you want to have to enter an IVA, as my friend did eventually with 98k worth of debt and nothing to show for it ? No spare cash for hairdressers or holidays, no treats for you or your kids, worrying about Christmas and birthdays, worrying when the car goes wrong or the washer breaks down. Or to have to set up a DMP or even worse, declare yourself bankrupt ? Think about how you'd feel if any of these things have to happen. My friend spoke to me about her debt when she was at the same stage as you are now, she couldn't stop.

These will be your options if you don't do something about it now. It's entirely up to you.

smudgek

This was like reading about myself. I do the same, lightbulb moments to sort out and stop spending which i done really well for 2 years. Now I just cant seem to get it down and stopped being offered balance transfers so getting harder to pay with interest and making min payments. So do I go bankrupt I do not know how else to sort it out. I have stopped spending butjust cant seem to get the bills down. I have about 13k debt not including the 13k student loans. All in my own name not husbands and mortgage is in hubbys name only.

LaughingLorna

Hi Deb, first well done for posting - its the first step!

there were a few things that snapped me out of it but didnt happen in one go. I had a couple of moments where i realised stuff was worn out/broken/obsolete before i'd even finished paying it off - just kept moving the debt around not paying more than min and getting fees added on everytime. then when i was looking into changing jobs - for very distressing reasons - i tried to get new 0%credit while i still had decent salary. got refused so worked out how much it would cost without the 0%. it was horrifying seeing it all added together from all the cards and how much it would cost with interest.

i got a loan on gd interest rate to consolidate most of it and been lucky to move rest around between two cards on 0%. working out how long it was gonna take to pay back was a real eye-opener.

i unsubscribed from all the companies sending me emails and post. i cancelled all my store credit accounts and i told friends/family i wasnt spending on days out etc after taking a paycut (they still dont know about the debt)

i know you are just looking for tips to get on top of spending not to cut back but thats how i felt before having my 'proper' light bulb moment. the day i posted my soa to put it out there and shock myself into dealing with it.if you can get on top of it now while you still have good credit then you can get good interest deals and free up income in a month to pay it off. the fact that you feel the need (as i did) to ask ppl to be nice and fear the opposite reaction indicates that you realise that you are not on the best road and recognise things need to change. your op is a massive stepping stone towards that :-)

really recommend writing it all down and how much it would REALLY cost you to service without the good deals...

also look at what your spending triggers are. i changed jobs to stop the stress and i never go near my phone/laptop after a drink as i give in. i cut up all my balance transfer cards and i'm getting medical help for the issues that led me to overspend and make poor decisions.

its a really hard road but ppl on here are fab and im happy for you to pm me if you want to follow up on anything ive tried or just speak to someone who understands the point you are at...