marriage/financial difficulties

strof

Hi. I would appreciate some advice. My wife and I are having marriage problems and financial difficulties. Joint mortgage. 80k mortgage house worth about 130k. One son aged 16. My wife lost her job in June now unemployed claiming jobseekers. My wife has always been irresponsible with money and I have always taken up the slack-e.g. paying off credit cards only for her to run them up again9believe me this is just the tip of the iceberg!!).
Despite my wife losing her job –no redundancy came our way because she had run up a credit union bill which meant she owed them money. She continues in the same vein. I have supported her paying all of the bills now including credit cards catalogues etc. but she continually demands money for going out shopping etc. please don’t ask me discuss it with her as I have tried for 18 years of marriage. I just think that a bit of understanding on her part!!! Would be appropriate.
Basically I’ve had enough of all the hassle and I have been unhappy for years but my responsibility towards my family has kept me in there but now I have come to terms with the fact that on my part its over . I’m really struggling to hold everything together financially and emotionally. She has applied for 1 job since June and she now says she wants to live on benefits. She says she does not care about the house, but this is important to me as we have both worked for this and I would like my son to have it eventually.
We have 1 joint account which pays most of the bills which is essentially mine as her wage used to go in another account. I use internet banking and draw my pay out and put it back in when the bills are due. I intend to pay the overdraft off and open up one in my name only. Another joint account is massively overdrawn my wife’s. Am I right in thinking that the account has to be in credit in order to close?
I am not irresponsible and I realise I have obligations morally and legally towards my wife but I begrudge giving her money to go out with her friends clubbing etc. while I go to work on my pushbike to save fuel costs and I am struggling to buy food.I thought about paying some of her bills rather than giving her the cash?
I was just seeking some advice particularly legal from others who have been in a similar position.
thanks

daska

If she won't discuss it with you then she really is leaving you with no choice.

You won't be able to close the a/c unless it is in credit. But, depending on the bank you might not be able to close it without her permission - I had major arguments with Abbey National about this when I was getting divorced, they insisted we had to attend the bank together and both agree to it being closed, they wouldn't even take my name off it despite it being a zero balance. My then husband told me he didn't believe the a/c existed and therefore refused to come to the bank! As he was 200 miles away it became somewhat problematic!

I would suggest that you stop any credit cards she has on your a/c as well.

She will presumably be getting some cash from her JSA - that's supposed to cover bills as well, it's not just spending money. So if you pay the bills she'll still have money for luxuries.

What you won't be able to do is stop any existing credit that's in her name. So she can continue to run up any catalogue accounts, credit cards, overdrafts that you don't have control over.

(Unfortunately you can't disassociate yourself financially while you have any kind of joint credit (i.e. mortgage) or live under the same roof.)

strof

cheers daska.thanks for replying

RAS

Hi If you have decided the marriage is over, you need to prevent further debts being run up in joint names, very quickly.

First get a new basic bank account into which your salary is paid. Make sure that this is with a bank that has no financial association with your exisitng providers. Banks have a nasty habit of off-setting payments from sole accounts to cover debts in joint accounts.

If you want to limit your financial liability:

1. Close the account in joint names that is in credit. If they refuse then give them a letter insisting that all further debits be signed by both parties,

2.You cannot close the other account so stop future payments based on one signatory to reduce your liability.

3.If she has a second card on any account in your name, stop that immediately.

On the legal side of things, you may want to spend a small amount on a consultation with a lawyer as this is not a usual situation. Ask about a deed of separation if you want to end the marriage but are not ready to divorce.

Check out wikidivorce and Families need fathers for advice on divorce. You can divorce for about £440 in court fees - no need for a solicitor.

Will your son continue to live with you? Assuming he is continuing his education, then once the deed of separation is done, apply for the Child Benefit for him.

If your wife kicks off about this (when) explain that you have a duty to your son to keep the roof over his head and food on the table. The Child Benefit is to support your son's living costs not her clubbing.

Your wife may well want to remain under the same roof and she can do this legally because her name is on the deeds (and live on benefits if she can demonstrate that the marriage is over and that you are not supporting her).

Get the house valued now for a quick sale, times 3. Can you afford to pay the mortgage on your income? If your son remains in the house, you can argue for any payment to your wife to be deferred until he leaves education/reaches 18 years old.

You will almost certainly have to buy out your wife to get the house in your name as part of the financial settlement but if your son remains there this may not be the normal 50%. Do you have any evidence that you have paid off past debts that she has run up? If so, get that out of the house and into a safe place.

One risk is that because she has debts and a joint tenancy, creditors may put a charging order on the house to secure the debts in her sole name. As part of the financial settlement, get it agreed that when you buy her out you will pay off any charging orders that relate to her debts and reduce the cash payment to her by the same amount.

And write a new will, and see about going tenants in common on the house to protect your son's inheritance. With a joint tenancy if you die, your wife becomes the sole tenant.

Finally do check www.turn2us.org.uk in case you are entitled to any financial support in the new situation and once the marriage ends.

Mortgage_Reduction_Novice

As you say, you are through with trying to be reasonable and trying to discuss the matter. In this instance I think your actions (the advice given by RAS and Daska) will speak volumes.

As for a house for your son... I think an understanding of how to manage money, to share household bills, earn a decent living when possible and to have respect for yourself will be more valuable to him for the future than bricks and mortar.

Fire_Fox

Sounds like your wife may have some sort of addiction or other mental health problem. IMO don't give your wife any money you are not legally obligated to - you aren't doing her any favours by enabling her addiction, sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they accept they have a problem.

Are all the debts in her name, or are some on accounts that are linked to your name? Cancel or block any credit cards or accounts that you can - don't just cut the cards up or throw away catalogues because she can get replacements. Cancelling and closing accounts are two separate things, accounts may not be closed until they are paid up. Anything that is purely in her name is not affecting your credit rating, and is not payable by you if you split up. Separate your finances, have your wages paid into a current account in your name only and pay the mortgage and bills from that, let her live on JSA. Reduce the overdraft limit as you pay it off and tell the bank it must only be increased by both parties.

If you split up you should get half of the assets, be liable for your debts and have to pay some child support until your son finishes full time education. You can only leave your share of the property to your son. The faster you get a solicitor involved and get a legal separation/ separate finances the less likely your half of the property will be affected by charges on the property.

strof

thanks for the help guys.