Brother and his Wife - Divorce?

sdavies13

My brother's relationship with his wife is rapidly spiralling out of control.

Last time I mentioned he was being threatend by a loan shark after she had borrowed money off him and I paid this debt off, since then she has been borrowed more money off other people (including the loan shark I had paid off!)

My brother has put his house up for sale to try and clear both her debts and the debts he has gained from trying to help her out but she has now taken to borrowing money off their neighbours, sold the daughter's games console and digital camera without consent and even stolen the float money my brother needs to run his business.

All along I have been suspicious she has been gambling but my brother would not believe this of his wife instead believing each story she has told him (each time something different requiring money to resolve).

I have just told him he has to divorce her and be done with it otherwise he will lose everything but he said he cannot as she has told him she will get custody of the child and have to sign the house over to her.

Don't believe this for a second but my brother did lose custody of his first child and is obviously worried about this possibility.

Can anyone other any advice please?

I have just changed my mortgage so cannot afford to help him out again but by the same token am worried he might do something silly if something isn't resolved soon.

Thanks.

*Louise*

I remember some of your previous thread - his wife disappeared to Thailand and left him to deal with the loan shark?

I'm afraid if he won't listen to you you can't force him, but can you offer him a bed or something so he has an option open to him if/when he eventually realises he has had enough?

You need to be there to support him, and especially if he has to go through a custody battle....but whatever you do DO NOT give him any more money - it will all go the same way as the rest.

sdavies13

Thanks for the advice.

I have offered my brother and his daughter a roof over their heads short term if needed. Can't manage longer term as despite loving him we can clash and have been on my own three years and not sure about stomaching someone else in the house just yet.

Regards money have already said I cannot lend him anymore money until she has gone and has no claim on him. Seemed harsh but my brother is a soft touch whereas I am more like my Dad.

Suppose one good sign is previously she would threaten to return to Thailand with their daughter and he would do his upmost to keep her happy, now when she threatens he's telling her to go (he isn't worried about the daughter as she is old enough to make her own mind up so couldn't be coerced into it).

I just wished he could break off from her but think with him being in his fifties and not the slimmest of guys he is worried about being left alone...

Fire_Fox

Your brother needs to take legal advice and perhaps you need to take a step back, maybe introduce him to MSE so he can post for himself? Maybe he also needs to seek counselling or another talking therapy via the GP or an organisation like Relate (you can go alone).

IMO you and he need to stop enabling the wife in her gambling/ shopping or whatever addiction/ mental health problem she has. Loan sharks should be reported to the police because they are on the same level as drug pushers, neighbours and friends should be told that the wife is responsible for her own debts.