Anything I can do?

natjohnson

Hi all, I left my ex nearly 3 years ago with a then 1 and 3 year old. For the last 2 years ex has had no contact with kids at all (his choice). Last May he started working but didn't inform the CSA. I only found out after ringing in Sept to see if anything had changed. They eventually contacted him and he admitted being in work. I set up my new claim in Sept and it took 9 months for the CSA to get a payment schedule set up. In April this year (11 months after he started working) I ring the CSA to find out when I'm due to be paid only to be told that ex has informed them he's no longer working. Few weeks later I found out he left his job 2 days after receiving his payment schedule. This isn't the first time he's pulled this trick, I'm still waiting for arrears from Christmas 2 years ago when he worked and then left when the CSA sent him a letter telling him he had to pay, then he went on JSA and suprise, as soon as he got a letter he stopped benefits and went back to work. He knows it takes the CSA months to set up a new claim so he can happily earn money knowing my kids won't see a penny of it. Back in April I was told that he wasn't answering letters/phonecalls and they would possibly send someone out to 'scare him' into stopping his games. Was also told that they couldn't take him to court when he claims JSA as they can't get anything off him...doesn't seem right, he worked and claimed benefits as he has another child with new partner, for 11 months and it's all in arrears that he doesn't pay, and the CSA don't seem interested to do anything about it. Initially I also complained about the fact that ex didn't contact the CSA when he started work as after reading their booklets, they could fine him £1000 if he doesn't inform them of changes that could alter the claim...was told he was within his rights not to tell them and it's MY duty to inform them if he starts/leaves work!!

Sorry it's a bit long-winded, just want to know if anyone can give me any help, do I sit back and wait to see if miracles happen and I start getting regular payments, or is there something I could be doing to force CSA's hand into action??

kingfisherblue

If he is on benefits, he should be paying a flat fee of £5 a week. I believe that this is going to rise to £10, but I'm not sure when.

Arrears will continue to accumulate once a case is opened, so even though you haven't yet received anything, there will be arrears from the time he worked. Arrears don't go away - my ex still had to pay for my daughter, even when she was working and over 18, because it was arrears.

I'm sorry I can't help more.

natjohnson

Apparently he started claiming benefits straight after he left work in April, I've had one payment of £5 so far but that was only this week, he knows he can leave JSA now after being on it for months and I'll be left with just the £5 again.

That's good to know, I had a horrible feeling that they'd just disappear with time, I've spent more on phone calls to the CSA than I've had in the 2 years since CSA got involved!

I know there's plenty of people who are in the same situation, and worse, than myself...just feels wrong that the NRP is getting away with all these backhanded tricks and CSA won't take any action.

Thanks for your help, would be nice if it rose to £10 soon, would just about cover the bus fair to take my kids to their swimming lessons

RuthnJasper

Nothing useful that I can suggest, Nat - but I just wanted to say that I REALLY hope things pick up for you and your children soon.

Wishing you happier times ahead. xx

natjohnson

Thanks! First time on here and can't believe how wonderful it is, so nice to be able to talk to people in same situation, and when I see some posts I realise there are plenty worse off with regards to the CSA.

I'm happy in the knowledge that whilst him and his new partner may be laughing now thinking they're not paying anything, I get my kids' love, I can sleep at night knowing I'd do anything for my kids

RuthnJasper

natjohnson wrote: »

Thanks! First time on here and can't believe how wonderful it is, so nice to be able to talk to people in same situation, and when I see some posts I realise there are plenty worse off with regards to the CSA.

I'm happy in the knowledge that whilst him and his new partner may be laughing now thinking they're not paying anything, I get my kids' love, I can sleep at night knowing I'd do anything for my kids

Glad you've found us Nat! There are some weird odd s*ds (aka trolls) on some of the boards, but happily they are in the minority.

You are 100% right. As unfortunate as it may seem sometimes, it sounds like the best thing your kids' father has done for them is to stay away - at least they have the chance of growing up to be decent, free of his bad influence!

I'm not completely in the same situation - I cannot actually have children myself , though I ADORE my little niece and nephew - but I know enough to understand that love, support and affection are the best things a child could have.

Bit of background - I used to be relatively wealthy and moved in "celebrity" TV/theatre/business/political worlds - until I became ill and insolvent and therefore "a liability" to all but a few of these "friends". I mixed with some of the wealthiest people in the world, and those who gave their children everything that money could buy - boats, techno-gadgets, houses, cars, servants, designer clothing, you name it. But, all too often, the children of wealthier parents had everything materially that they could want; but NOT the genuine love of affectionate parents. Some of the kids had been packed off to boarding school since the age of 3. Yes - THREE - even 2½ years old in some cases. And the vast majority of these poor little b*gg*rs didn't give a stuff for their possessions, but yearned desperately for love and affection. One individual (won't name her) even asked me once if I knew of places where she could send her young son, who was at boarding-school, during the school holidays - "so she didn't have to be bothered with him". Now THAT is heartbreaking.

Apologies for the lengthy digression, but I just wanted to mention this to illustrate why I felt moved by your post, which I've quoted here. Of course financial support is essential from the father (as, ideally, is a loving relationship with both parents - but it's a fact that this sometimes cannot happen, for whatever reason), but, failing that, the most important thing for a child - any child - is the knowledge that they are loved, wanted, appreciated and respected.

Much kudos Nat; I'm sure your little ones will grow up to be a real credit to you. xx

bugsy2009

thought i was reading about my ex then lol
i've been split from mine for 9 years and in that he had another child with another pwc whos now 5.
Battled for years and the csa seemed to have no interest at all, hes also a serial job hopper so that hasn't helped also hes never been forced to pay the grand £5 when he was on benefits.
I'd just about given up and then the other pwc put a claim in for her child at the beginning of last year and low and behold the csa started to move. Can't say its been plain sailing, csa got his details for his job(not from him as hes non compliant) and a assessment was set up only to find they'd lost 2 of my kids off the system so they had to do it again which took 6 months in all. Payment plan and then they went for a deo(another few months) and my ex then went on to jsa for 2 weeks.
Csa contacted him(one of the only times he would answer) and yes "i'm now claiming benefits" only they find he'd returned to work(not sure if the same job) so i get told hes now lied so would be investigated and as they now couldn't get hold of him again they would visit him etc, never happened! this was october last year and Jan this year they started a change of circumstances.
I have rang every few weeks sometimes weekly and the 12 week deadline took until 24 july before they came to their decision! £14.25 hardly worth it and half of last years assessment but its something if i ever receive it lol
It was Blunder after blunder after blunder on their part which to me was just letting my ex get away with it longer!
Now 2 days ago i get a phone call telling me with arrears i will receive £18, i ask how much he owes which is near on £2000(hes got off easy as they only took it back to sometime in 2009) so at my reckening it will take him around 10 years to pay the arrears off!
Oh and the icing on the cake i was told "hes made a payment of £10 to me" lol
Not sure what the motive of this is, maybe he thinks they won't go for a deo if he makes one payment.
Not holding my breath as i'm guessing a change of job or jsa is on the cards so doubt i will be receiving anything more than this £10!
I only know the town my ex is living in and thats miles away from me so not easy to find out info, after my case started to move last year my ex made the mistake of joining facebook and leaving it open also he put his work details on so that helped a lot lol of course hes worked it all out now and hes now closed and no work info anymore lol

Over the years everytime i have found any info out i ring the csa of course it takes them that long to investigate that he had either moved jobs or back on jsa but i kept on in the hope that one day i might receive a penny and of course now i have £10 lol

natjohnson

Thank you very much Ruth, means a lot to hear that as it's not something I hear a lot. I'm glad I made the decision to leave so my kids could try and live a normal life (ex was/is?) an alcoholic, hopefully when they grow up they'll seek him out to get answers as to why he lives 5 minutes away and has a new child but can't make the effort to make contact, and doesn't even want to support them, but until then you're right...they're much better off without him. Just to add, I never say anything bad about him in front of them, I talk to my kids about him and his family (his mum also cut all contact off) but neither child can remember anything about their dad at all, he has to live with that!!

I'm very sorry to hear that, your niece and nephew are extremely lucky though!

Just goes to show that the saying "money doesn't buy happiness" is totally true. Money makes people view themselves in a bad shade of light, all those that turned their back on you don't deserve to have anything, they think they're special because they have money. You found out who your true friends are when something like what happened to you occurs, everyone else is unworthy. Oh my that's awful, sending kids to boarding schools when they're still babies, why have kids if you have no intention of looking after them, buy their love and all is fine? These summer holidays have been incredibly hard, I'm on my own all day every day with 2 young children, no car and limited money to take them out but we've enjoyed most days, wealthy people have the means and opportunity to take their children anywhere they want to go, take them on holidays and day trips and sightseeing and yet they can't wait to get rid so they can make sure they make their manicure appointments

So nice to be here and be able to talk to other people xx

natjohnson

Your ex does sound very familiar to mine!! Mine is also a serial job and benefits hopper, he does exactly the same thing! As soon as he gets a letter saying he'll have to pay x amount he leaves his job or quits benefits to get a job and then he's never made to pay. My ex also doesn't answer letters or phone calls often, and the CSA keep telling me they'll send someone round to talk to him and nothing happens. Just to add insult, with every letter they send me a lovely leaflet with the title "What the CSA can do if the NRP doesn't pay", nothing is the answer lol! When my ex started working last May he didn't mention his job to the CSA, I only found out in Sept and I was told when I complained that something should be done that "it's your responsibility to inform us when your ex starts/leaves work" I was jobsmacked, I have no contact with ex at all, and like yours mine was daft enough to leave his FB open so I could see who he was adding and they all worked at 1 particular company...d'uh!! From Dec until this April I was ringing the CSA weekly, and everytime I'd get told different stories, first they had his wage slips so could proceed and it's be 14 days, then I'd ring back in 2 weeks for an update to be told that they don't have his wage slips at all, so they'd need to contact him and his employers (both uncompliant) and they'd start that straight away. One member of staff actually told me to stop ringing so they could get work done on my case, I calmly pointed out that the problem was they weren't doing anything on my case and that's why I was ringing! Sorry for asking, what's a deo?

I rang CSA again yesterday to be told they still don't have his wage slips from over a year ago so they still have no idea how much arrears have built up, worked it out myself and it'll be in the region of £3000 for the past 3 years, lol yes I got a huge payment of £10 this week, looking through travel brochures now

bugsy2009

Deo - deductions of earnings order meaning they take it straight from his employers.
My ex hasn't seen my kid for 8 years, my youngest was 1 and doesn't have a clue who he is, i found out he had been contacting my eldest through facebook last year(she was 14) went to a solicitor but was basically told that couldn't really do anything because of her age. Solicitor said she could send him a letter asking him to not go behind my back and if she really wanted to see him then proper arrangements could be made but of course i didn't know his address. He was telling my daughter that they would meet etc but once i found out he didn't bother again!
My ex is a violent drunk so contact has never been allowed unless through the proper channels but hes never really been interested in them that much, over the years received various solicitors letters saying hes changed but one back asking for him to go through the courts and that was always the end of it until the next one. Not had one for 4 years or so now so hes obviously stayed out of trouble as they always seem to arrive then.
Saying that i don't see why he shouldn't pay for his kids, I have to work and provide for them so why shouldn't he even if it is £10 in 9 years lol
csa are so frustrating as they are always polite on the phone but everything goes at a snails pace! i was even told that my case worker was off sick(weeks and weeks) so my case as well as many others was sat in a filing cupboard.
It was passed to supervisors, escalated, call backs rarely came and i even put a complaint in but it still dragged on and on with no one knowing why!
even getting the decision and mine apparantly being priority(due to the length of time) it was still over 3 weeks for the accounts to ring and tell me what i was entitled to with arrears. Of course i still haven't received a letter telling me this and haven't got my £10 yet either lol so who knows what could happen.
All i know i will keep fighting for my kids and of course soon i will probably have to pay for the service as well, maybe it will improve then but i seriously doubt it!

Caroline_a

I could have been reading my story too! I had an extremely acrimonious divorce, he fought me for custody (as it was then) of my child, and as I was working and he wasn't he had seemingly unlimited legal aid! To this day I still think that he wanted custody so that he could keep the house and to spite me - his reasons in court were ridiculous and the judge eventually saw through his lies after the 5th or so hearing (as every time the judge said that my child should live with me he appealed...)

He then gave up his job as soon as the CSA wrote to him, and eventually when my daughter turned 19 they gave up chasing him. He paid nothing (remember this was the all-caring father who wanted her to live with her so she would have an alleged better life!)

However... karma. I am solvent, happily single with my dogs for company, nice car, house, etc. He lives in a scruffy one-bed council flat with no money or job and no future of having either.

What goes round comes round... you'll find as I think you may already have, that he is the loser!