Living together, practical dilemma

Looktothefuture_2

Apologies in advance.This is going to be one of those threads that starts: “I’m a regular poster under another name …” Issue is sensitive and I don’t particularly want every other post I make to be associated with it (there’s a difference between anonymity and pseudonymity!).

My OH and I don’t live together yet, but we can see ourselves really wanting to in the future. Can anyone suggest a way round our practical difficulties?

This is how we’re fixed:

I own a small house with a small mortgage (less than a third of the value of the house). I’m working but have quite a low income. Elder child is working but can’t afford to move out and is trying to save. Younger child is a student, away from home except during holidays. Our house just about accommodates the three of us.

OH rents, but owns a share in ex’s house. Also doesn’t have a particularly high income. Has two kids who live with ex but stay with him regularly so he needs to be able to accommodate them. Neither of us would expect ex to sell house as this is also the kids’ home.

So between us we would need somewhere big enough for two adults and four children of various ages. This is before we even start thinking about family dynamics, which wouldn’t necessarily be easy either. It additionally complicates things that he rents and I own, and we would both want to make sure that our children were protected (not to mention the survivor) if something happened to either of us.

I would really like some creative solutions, if anyone has them. This is a very genuine enquiry and if I don't reply to posts or say thank you until next week that's because I haven't got access to a computer in the meantime. Thank you.

newcook

Is it every weekend OH’s children stay or more?

Could you put bunkbeds in one of the rooms?

On the odd occasions that all the children are in the house at the same time could one of them (possibly the one at uni?) sleep on the sofa or a blow up bed?

do you have an attic you could convert into another bedroom?

Im not too sure about the bit of ensuring your children and his children are protected financially – possibly a living will?! Someone else will have more knowledge on that bit!!!

BitterAndTwisted

Keep utterly separate households until there are no dependent children to support or house. Unless you're prepared to sell up, pool resources and buy somewhere bigger that the two of you can afford to pay for. You presumably have a fair amount of equity which you should be looking to protect. I wouldn't be considering putting that at risk for a live-in partner who I wasn't planning on marrying.

kj*daisy

Can you extend your house at all sp you can all live there, you have probably already considered this but it would avoid the hassle of selling and buying.

mummybearx

I would agree about keeping seperate households.

My dad has been with his girlfriend for 20 odd years. In that time she has her house and my dad has his. Her two kids have grew up and moved out, me and my 5 siblings have moved out also. Dad used to spend the weekend at hers, or she would stay at ours one night, and that's suited them for years. A few years ago I think my dad just stopped coming back to his home, me and Dh now live there and are looking into buying it off him.

Of course this may not suit you both. You may really want to live together which is totally understandable. Just pointing out that you don't 'have to', there is other options

Looktothefuture_2

Thanks to all.

Newcook, OH's children stay anything up to three nights a week. Bunkbeds would be fine but not in the house we have now (very small indeed). Would have to think about temporary beds but think it would be difficult.

B&T, I think we may be forced to do as you suggest for the children's sake (though I'm hoping someone has another idea). As to the rest, it isn't a question of not planning to marry; if in time we can find a way to live together at all, marriage would be the ideal outcome. I'm not worried about the question of my own equity for my sake (because I trust him 100%), but (all) the children's position needs not only to be protected but seen to be protected IYSWIM.

Kj*daisy, this is a new idea, although not sure the existing house lends itself well to it. Could think about it though.

Looktothefuture_2

Zepsgal I can see this being the future and may be good advice. Bit depressing though as we would love to be together and also I hate it that he has to pay rent when we would rather be together anyway. Almost wish I was renting too so it wouldn't be such an issue!

peachyprice

Could you not rent your house out and rent a place big enough for all of you together? You'd then still have your house, mortgage free, to eventually move back into when all the children have grown up.

Hovel_lady

Could you rent out your house and rent somewhere together big enough for everyone?

Looktothefuture_2

Snap! Have wondered about the renting out and renting somewhere bigger. It's certainly one to consider. Not sure how practical as mine is too small to raise much of an income. No good for multioccupancy for sure.

gadgeteer_2

How about this for a suggestion? I'm assuming here that your OH is employed and of good standing with credit.

Sell your house and buy a bigger house based upon your joint income.

You sign a declaration of trust to hold the property as tenants in common and define shares based upon whatever you agree on.

So say for example you put your equity towards the new home, the mortgage is less, therefore you could agree with your OH that you own 70% and him 30%. Or whatever the amount is. It's hard to say what is fair/unfair without knowing full financial details for both of you.

Your shares can be left in your will to whomever you want. So your share can be left to your kids and his to his.

It's not ideal but as a step-parent you will find few things ever are.