How much freedom to play out?

averagemummy

Just wondered how much freedom other people give to their children in "playing out"; especially when you hear of the dreadful things that have happened to other children.

We have a small green at the side of our house and DD, who is 8, often goes out to play with friends. I've told her several times not to stray out of the area and so far she has always stayed there.

But as we have a toddler as well, it's not always possible that I can be outside at the same time, especially if LO is asleep.

last week OH was working on his car on the driveway, and DD was in the park. He could hear her playing, but her friends weren't there at the time so she was on her own. Some people walked past and thought it terrible that she had been allowed out beyond the garden to play?

So I just wondered if we were maybe a bit lax about this, but other peoples kids are out too?

- in fact on a sunny afternoon the park is full of kids!

So how old would your kids have to be to let them "play out?"

GobbledyGook

I get a lot of stick about letting my children play out, but I don't see the point in keeping them cooped up when the whole stranger-danger situation is massively overblown (imo). Children are much, much more likely to come to harm from someone they know.

We live on a quiet no-through road and my girls (9 and 6) play out most days. There are two other children who play out as well. They are allowed to play on the path or the grassy bit between our two driveways (it's just a random grassy bit).

My younger daughter is only allowed to play on the grassy bit or on the path in front of our house so that if I look out I can see her. The eldest is allowed to the end of the street (she is 9 times out of 10 on her skates).

When younger daughter is out I check on her often as she's not as sensible as eldest and if I'm going to be in the kitchen (at the back) for any length of time I generally bring her into the garden, but that's because of her. If eldest is out alone I rarely check on her because she's playing in a pretty safe street and she's a sensible, well behaved child. I didn't check on her half as much as I do her sister because her sister is much more absent minded.

I don't think there's any harm in children playing safely in their street. I don't think it does any favours at all keeping them wrapped in cotton wool. As long as their boundaries are age and personality appropriate I wouldn't give a monkeys what anyone else thinks tbh.

System

When my older kids were young, the road was full of kids their own age and they all hung about together. They were always popping into eachothers houses and playing out the back of the gardens as there was a large grassed area with swings and a slide. If they got into trouble, they got into trouble together and where you would find one you would find the others and if there was a problem the other kids would have knocked on my door to tell me. As parents we were pretty close anyway and any problems we knew as soon as they did.

Come 10 years later when my youngest was born, he was the only child in the road and he was happy to stay in on his own anyway which was good because theres no way i'd have given him the freedom that his brothers and sisters had as it would mean him wandering off on his own.

Alikay

My children never played out without me being sat on the doorstep watching them. The neighbours wouldn't have liked it - either the risk of their cars or bedding plants being damaged, the noise, or the irritation of having to slow down before pulling on/off their drive. So I sat there like a sentry, shushing them every time they laughed. Unsurprisingly they soon lost interest in playing out unless we went to the park!

I can only imagine that parents who DO let their children play outdoors unaccompanied must have incredibly tolerant neighbours or very responsible, non-vocal, ball-phobic kids.

rachbc

my 5 o has just started play out - shes allowed on the path from the front down past 3 houses and back up the track at the back - she will do this u endlessly on her bike or scooter. If she is with her friend who is 9 she is allowed a little further up the road and instead of going up the track at the back they go further round the corner to her friends house. She knows to stay on the pavement, wears her bike helmet when riding/ scooting and knows to tell me if she is going into a friends house to play.

All the neighbours have kids so noise not an issue though I think one is a bit cross with me letting her out as their kids nag to go and they aren't allowed.

barbarawright

Alikay wrote: »

My children never played out without me being sat on the doorstep watching them. The neighbours wouldn't have liked it - either the risk of their cars or bedding plants being damaged, the noise, or the irritation of having to slow down before pulling on/off their drive. So I sat there like a sentry, shushing them every time they laughed. Unsurprisingly they soon lost interest in playing out unless we went to the park!

I can only imagine that parents who DO let their children play outdoors unaccompanied must have incredibly tolerant neighbours or very responsible, non-vocal, ball-phobic kids.

Kids play out opposite my house all the time. Why would anyone object to that? I'm sure we all played outside when we were in infants school and the neighbours managed to survive.

GobbledyGook

Alikay wrote: »

I can only imagine that parents who DO let their children play outdoors unaccompanied must have incredibly tolerant neighbours or very responsible, non-vocal, ball-phobic kids.

The neighbours do take care coming out of their drives, but we all do that anyway as we have a man who lives in our street who is blind. They are all pretty tolerant (well bar one who complains about everyone adults and children alike), but we still have a bit of a community going on here. Even the people without kids are involved in organising the Halloween party and this afternoon there was a collection going round as it's the couple at 5's golden wedding anniversary in a few weeks. The children are not allowed to play with a ball near the cars, but they are not perfectly behaved 100% of the time. There has been a couple of occasions where I've had to apologise to neighbours and make one of my daughters apologise, but I think the key thing is they all know that if they come to my door to complain I'll take it seriously and it's quite rare that that has to happen. Most of the neighbours also still feel able to tell the children themselves off if need be as they all know the children.

The elderly neighbours also encourage us (there's only 3 houses with children atm) to let the children out as they think it's healthy and enjoy watching them.

Alikay

barbarawright wrote: »

Kids play out opposite my house all the time. Why would anyone object to that? I'm sure we all played outside when we were in infants school and the neighbours managed to survive.

I don't know why the neighbours were so against it, they just were - especially the born-again Christians next door. So I didn't let my kids do it, as it wasn't worth the hassle.

GobbledyGook

Alikay wrote: »

I don't know why the neighbours were so against it, they just were - especially the born-again Christians next door. So I didn't let my kids do it, as it wasn't worth the hassle.

Did your kids ever give them cause to complain? If not I think it's very sad they caused so much hassle to you over it.

We had one woman who lived here (ironically in current grumpy man's house) who came knocking complaining about the potential for the children to damage her car/plants/windows/wall. I'm afraid she got a rather short shrift from me in the end. If you have something to actually complain about then fine, but it's downright rude to expect parents not to allow their normal children to play out because you believe certain publications assertions that all children are feral nowadays and all parents will stand by while they are so.

apesxx

my daughter will be 6 next month and she plays out at grandads, she is allowed on the street or the patch of grass at the top of the street. Unfortunately we live on a very very busy main road so we just cant let her play out here yet. i would let her play on the alley out back but people round here like to walk there dogs down the alley and it is just full of s**t!

[Deleted User]

I had a lot of freedom as a child and so did my husband. Think Enid Blyton type scenario.

Anyway we now live in a society where this level of freedom is frowned upon, yet i still wish for my children to have some independance.

Luckily for us we live in an area which allows for them to benefit from open space and play away from a busy road without me having to constantly watch them. There are rules/boundaries and consequences if they are broken.

I am sure some people think I am not supervising my kids properly or wouldn't let theirs do similar, but I think judgement is valid and the benefits outways the risks.