Care for my mum

missile

Hi,

My mother is 89 and in very good health. I am planning what we might do, if and when she is not able to look after herself. I have not discussed this with her yet. Before I do, I would like to know what options are available for her and would appreciate your comments and suggestions.

I am aware that one is entitled to help following a care assessment but have no experience of the procedure.

I do not think she would want to live with me or go into a retirement home.

Please note; We live 100+ miles away, so popping in on a daily basis is not really practical. I was thinking maybe a part time or live in carer. I do not have deep pockets, but would be prepared to fund quality care. :A

Savvy_Sue

Wellll ...

If I say 'it depends', then that's obvious, but it does. It depends on what the problems are. If your mother remains fully mentally capable, but has mobility problems, then the options are much wider than if she loses the ability to look after herself, can't or won't cook, doesn't know if it's day or night never mind what day of the week it is, and becomes a danger to herself and others.

So let's look on the bright side: if it's 'just' mobility problems, then there are all sorts of aids and adaptations which could enable her to stay in her own home. A stair lift, a low entry shower, grab rails wherever they'd be helpful etc etc etc. Plus you can get alarm systems where she presses a button if there's a problem, and someone phones and if she doesn't answer they send in the cavalry (aka one of the keyholders) to assess the situation.

and you can get carers in on a daily basis to help out as required.

Or you could look at sheltered housing, where there's a warden who performs the same function, but the property could be fully adapted for wheelchairs etc. Again, carers could be arranged as required.

And you do get complexes where there's a range of accommodation on the same site: sheltered, very sheltered, care home, dementia care home. The idea is that people can move from one to the other if their needs increase, but they've still got some stability and familiarity.

It could be worth exploring whether your mother might want to move nearer to you. If she doesn't, I'd leave well alone!

missile

Thanks for your comments.

My mother already lives in sheltered accomodation run by the British Legion. There are two wings. She lives in one where residents are capable of living indepently. If there is space available she might move into the other wing where more care is provided.

I don't think she would want to move from her home town where she has many friends and relatives.

Fortunately she is fit and able, sharp as a button and has a more active social cirle than I do. I guess I am feeling guilty that I do not live closer and fretting needlessly.

Savvy_Sue

Then I think atm there is probably very little you can do, and very little you need do *. The wardens in the sheltered accommodation probably know all the services which are available which help people retain independence, and know what's available when that's not enough.

* except stop feeling guilty. Feel grateful she's not making you feel guilty. You only need to browse the Family board for a few minutes to find the guilt trips ... :rotfl:

missile

Wise words, many thanks for the advice.