is it ever a good idea to...

Riversong

Ask a workmate what their problem is.

I have been getting the impression that a couple of my team mates don't like me. which is fine. But its getting to the point now where theyre being passive aggressive, short with me when i speak to them. Like the other day i said hello and got a "grunt" in return, and going behind my back with one thing, while telling me another to my face. Wasting my time and making me look stupid.

I dont care if they have a problem with me, thats fine. But theyre making work unbearable through this. Theyve never told me whats up so i cant fix any mistakes.

Should i just ask them?

tiamai_d

That falls under bullying in the workplace, so it needs dealing with.

Do you have a manager you can speak too?

I'd probably just ask them, in a polite way that couldn't be taken as a sign of hostility, because it would annoy them more. More to announce that you are aware of what they are doing and to assert yourself that you will not tolerate it.

marisco_2

I have worked in a team where it came to light after several months, that two of my colleagues were treating another similarly to what you are experiencing. The colleague being mistreated suffered it all and bottled up how she felt till one day it all got to much and she blew her top. The way that she handled it went against her and undermined somewhat the severity of what she had been subjected to in the mind of our manager.

Is there a superior whom you could approach and explain how you are feeling? Definately address what is going on. It is not acceptable in an adult working environment to be putting up with this. Make sure you have someone with you to mediate and sort this out professionally.

BitterAndTwisted

The unfriendliness I would just ignore but the making you look stupid, if it's to a superior, needs to recorded and documented for future reference.

People are rarely candid when challenged or questioned directly, and often it will just show them just how much it is getting to you. I'd resist the temptation if I were you and turn on the charm 100% as if you hadn't noticed.

Riversong

I do speak calmly and i try to do my best to work with thrm (as much as they actually allow me to)

I do have a team leader but when i was talking to her about the thing they went behind my back on, she said oh and riversong, dont throw your toys out of the pram but... So i dont know how seriously she would take it. also i dont want them as a collective turning it round on me. Theres strength in numbers especially if it comes to, she said he said. Wouldnt telling a manager only make me look bad anyway?

onlyroz

If you have a problem with a colleague then the person to approach is your manager, in private. I think it would be unprofessional to raise grievances directly.

Riversong

I have to say i nearly blew my top but i spoke with a lovely customer soon after who cheered me up

browneyedbazzi

Your colleagues may indeed not like you for one reason or another but they should still communicate with you in an appropriate way. You should raise the subject with them in as non-confrontational way as possible in the first instance...ie say 'I've noticed you being a bit short with me recently, is there something wrong?' If there's some sort of personal issue then there will need to be a chat about how sometimes colleagues don't get on/have personality conflict etc but that you can still behave professionally while at work and get the job done (and that includes communicating decently and effectively).

If you don't get any response and the behaviour continues then it's something you should raise with your manager and indeed look into your companies policy on bullying.

browneyedbazzi

onlyroz wrote: »

If you have a problem with a colleague then the person to approach is your manager, in private. I think it would be unprofessional to raise grievances directly.

A lot of companies have a code of conduct for employees that say if you have an issue with someone your first step should be to raise it with that individual and try to resolve the problem prior to escalating the issue to management.

You shouldn't be nasty or aggressive about it (which would be very unprofessional) but I certainly would not think it unprofessional to try to address an issue directly if it is done in an appropriate way.

Riversong

I'll check the policies tomorrow and see what they say.

I have asked for my desk to be relocated so fingersx i won't be sat with them anyway.

RuthnJasper

Riversong - it's important to remember that colleagues don't necessarily have to be friends, but what you are describing sounds genuinely unpleasant and out of the ordinary.

As a first step, maybe it would be an idea to bring a cake/biscuits/doughnuts into the office and offer them around. If your colleagues accept them then perhaps, whilst they're snacking on them, you could casually say something along the lines of "Is everything OK? I hope I haven't accidentally said or done anything to upset you. Is there a chance we could clear the air?"

Because they MIGHT have overheard or had repeated second-hand to them something that they stupidly misinterpreted and a simple gesture might be all that it takes to clear the air. This would certainly cover you as far as browneyedbazzi correctly says.

BitterandTwisted and Marisco are also correct though - please do keep a record of these things (dates, times, witnesses, who said what, anything you said or did to remedy the situation at the time, etc.) If your initial, informal, approach works; brilliant. If not, you will be seen to have tried to calm the waters and will have the necessary evidence.

VERY best wishes to you. I'm currently in a deeply unpleasant work situation myself, so I know what it's like. Hope all turns out well for you. xx