Explaining the concept of death to young children

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Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Goodbye Mog by Judith Kerr is probably the most wonderful book for explaining things. I'm a hardhearted old cowbag with zero religious belief, but flicking through it in the bookshop nearly reduced me to tears.

Never used it with the girls, they'd already experienced bereavement by the time I found it, but I would have used it without hesitation if I'd known about it beforehand.


Just reading the blurb from Amazon nearly gets me now.


'Mog was tired. She was dead tired…Mog thought, ‘I want to sleep for ever.’ And so she did. But a little bit of her stayed awake to see what would happen next.

Mog keeps watch over the upset Thomas family, who miss her terribly, and she wonders how they will ever manage without her. Nothing happens for some time…then suddenly, one day, Mog sees a little kitten in the house. The kitten is frightened of everything – noise, newspapers, bags and being picked up. Mog thinks the kitten is very stupid.

But then Mog realises that the nervous kitten doesn’t know how to play and just needs ‘a little bit of help’. And so, Mog pushes the surprised kitten into Debbie’s lap, where it finds it actually likes being tickled and stroked.

The new family pet is settled in at last. But Debbie says she will always remember Mog.
‘So I should hope,’ thinks Mog. And she flies up and up and up right into the sun.'

Dammit, JoJo, got me there.
The Heart and The Bottle by Oliver Jeffers gets me too- it's a gentle tale of a girl who loses her father and suppresses her grief. Ask in your local bookshop or library. There's another called something like "questions children ask" by Dorling Kindersley which gives ideas for different age ranges, including very little children.

When our cat was killed DD was three and a half. I explained that Chica had died, and that I was sad because we wouldn't be able to play with her any more. A few times she asked when the Chica would come back but I emphasised the finality of the death and the sadness we felt.

puddle96

There is a bereavement charity especially for children called Winston's Wish (google it) with loads of online resources to help you tell children of all ages that someone close to them is dying and then how to support them in the aftermath.
From personal experience I can sadly recommend them.
HTH

SailorSam

When my Mum died we were going to the Crem the next day to bury her ashes and my little Nieces came, i think they were about 3 and 5 at the time. The youngest asked me 'Is this Nannies heaven'

elisamoose

In my work at school I use materials from a charity called Winstons Wish.Their explanations of what children of different ages can understand is really useful.

Penny-Pincher!!

Kids are very resilient and I would tell her the truth but age appropriately.

gibson123

My mother died when my daughter was this age, until she went into hospital my daughter was with her every day. When she got ill I told my daughter that Nana is very poorly and going to hospital and that we had to go visit her and say goodbye because she was very sore and tired, and that she had decided to go live with god and the angels where nothing could hurt her any-more. I explained that Nana still loved her and she was still Nana's sunshine girl. I also said she could have Nana anytime she wanted just by closing her eyes tightly and thinking of her. We said it would hurt everyone who loved Nana for a while, but we would all be brave because Nana wanted to go now because she was tired and everything hurt. We explained that we would all miss Nana, and we would all want to cry and that everyone would need lots more cuddles for a while. We planned a big visit to Nana and my daughter dressed up as Snow White and drew a picture of heaven for her Nana. All the adults agreed to be very matter of fact about it all. She asked lots of questions like is there bingo in heaven and would Nana be allowed a puppy and is god nice or would his beard tickle.
This all happened very naturally, it all started from a "when will nana come home" conversation and evolved over a number of days. I think it's best this way, just have some answers prepared and go at your daughter's pace.

stsarina

Thanks for all the answers and support - lots to talk about with DH tonight so we can prepare her as much as we can. Some really fab ideas and recommendations which will make this difficult time a bit easier for us all.

madison-nyc

i've not long had this sitaution with my 4 year old girl and her great grandad dying. I found kids are very matter of fact about these things. I had prewarned her that he was very poorly and that he would be going to heaven soon. once he actually died i told her that his body had worn out and he'd gone up to heaven and would be happy and with his mom and dad etc. (she goes to a church school and is familiar with heaven and happy with that concept). She asked what happened to his body so we talked about the funeral and what happened. she picked some flowers , drew a nice picture and i helped her write a goodbye letter which i took to the funeral and placed in the coffin for her. that way she felt part of the whole thing and had said goodbye in her own way. she often talks about him but doesn't get upset and has come to terms with it very well.