NOK & intestate legalities

supermezzo

Thats a lovely suggestion, OP. If you have a solicitor on board, I wonder if they can send the remainder (if any) of his estate to your chosen charity and inform his sisters of the fact at the same time. Knowing that you gave it away might finally give you some peace and quiet from them?

missprice

I would say either ask your solicitor or ask one of those probate firms like you see on the telly to do it all for you.
they will take their cut but better than old moos taking it and walking off,
once its spent try getting it back:mad:
and then its not your problem
if you really needed the money I would say do it yoursen but you don't so let someone else take the stress of it all for a fee:)

daska

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I'm 75% thinking I'm going to accept it then donate it to a domestic violence charity. There's still 25% of me that just wants to say no though.

I think this is a very good idea. Imagine the satisfaction in knowing that his money might go towards ensuring that someone like you, or your brother, or even your mother, might be saved the experiences you had. And funnily enough, although it might take a bit of work, it might help to put the events of the last few months in a better light.

If it were me I think I'd put some of it in trust for my family's future wants/needs on the basis that it's about time he made a contribution towards something nice! But I quite understand why you don't want to touch it.

GobbledyGook

It's not just that I don't want to touch it daska, I don't really need it. My children are well provided for by their father and the only good point about my divorce is that it meant we sorted lots of finances out and I'm in a good position as I have no mortgage and could downsize if need be. My ex and I did well in the property market by buying a wreck and doing it up and we also saved wisely and that is benefiting me now.

Mostly though it is that I don't want it. It would feel like profiting on misery - he didn't just make our lives a misery, most people who came into contact with him and his toxic family suffered in one way or another. I also like the fact that I do not 'need' anything from him. I don't want him to pay for things for my children because I do not want any part of him having a part of their lives. I know that's silly really, but it's just how I feel. My life is, and always will be, tainted in some way by him. I can deal with it but I can't change it. Theirs isn't - he's never had the chance.


The more I think about it the more I think I'd probably give it to a charity who helped children in the position that my brother and I were in.

This is all assuming of course he hasn't managed to get it loaned and mortgaged to the hilt in the last 11 months which is entirely possible!

Thank you for all the advice over this. I really appreciate having somewhere to vent. It's good to get different views as everyone I know is very black and white with their opinion and are all very similar. Gemma x

jenhug

Giving it all to charity would be the final 2 fingers to him really wouldn't it? Go for it. You can change someones life for the better. xxx

daska

I understand that, I think you said before that you had no need of it? but I was actually thinking in terms of never knowing what's around the corner. Not necessarily something bad, but imagine if one of your children got enthused by the olympics, discovered a real talent for eventing and having that bit extra could pay for specialist coaching or a good horse. There are some activities that make substantial holes in even the biggest budgets.

Either way, using it for something beneficial either to your own family or to those who are in need will, as jenhug rightly points out, be the final 2 fingers to him.

Crucially though, whatever you decide will be the right thing for you to do. Doesn't matter what we would do LOL