Is "Shared Care" disruptive?

BJV

I dont think that anyone who has not been in this situation can say exactly what or how they would behave.

But I really do think that things have to change so that both parents should be given equal rights. Just because one has given birth does not mean that they will be a better influence, parent than the other.

We have a friend who has fallen out with his partner. Not nice when relationships end but even worse when children are around. He has not been able to see this children for nearly two years!

Every time there is an excuse every time there is another court date and he is promised it will change, nothing does. It is so sad.

I would however ask you not to stop trying as your children will know in the end how hard you have tried. You need to sort it out also for the extended family, grandparents etc as it can be exceptionally hard on them too.

EclipsedMind

On divorce I had shared care by consent but My ex breached it and withheld contact wanting more money and involved the csa.

In court the judge upheld contact at the shared care level but Ex breached teh courts orders.

Judge then varied orders and tried best to come up with something ex would agree to and ordered it as shared residence.

Ex breached that order as well. Twelve months on this is what I have learned:

• If ex is uncooperative shared residence will not work
• if the judge does not enforce their orders when uncooperative ex plays up it will not work
• if ex is financially dependant on you and wants more money and you are already on csa then I doubt shared res will work.

If you do decide to go the court route join a father group and find a Mckensie friend as solicitors are a waste of time and MKs can be a much cheaper option.

That said for plenty of people shared care/res does work and is fantastic for the child. It requires a lot of cooperation and both parents to buy into and support it though.

I really hope your mileage varies from mine.

EM

gRoberts

What really annoys me is that it seems perfectly acceptable for the PWC to simply refuse on financial grounds.

Would a court allow this?

EclipsedMind

gRoberts wrote: »

What really annoys me is that it seems perfectly acceptable for the PWC to simply refuse on financial grounds.

Would a court allow this?

No. a good judge should not consider financial matters when deciding contact/residence as it is not pay to play. A social worker may include such things in reports however not sure about cafcass as my Section 7 has not been done yet.

If you are going to court you must ensure you are child focussed and all arguments are for the child's welfare and best interests. You should only be child focussed and it is your childs right to a positive relationship with you that it is being looked at and upheld. Remember that this argument cuts both ways tho.

If going to court you might want to consider attending an FnF group meeting to get some advice and to find out what your local court judges are like. It can make a lot of difference and being prepared is key in court.

EM

Mojisola

gRoberts wrote: »

For the past year, I've had to listen to my daughter tell me how much she wants to live with me and then hear how her mother tells her she's not allowed (i.e. she can't until she's 16 etc).

Children's views are taken into account much earlier than 16. Mother is either mistaken or lying.

EclipsedMind

Mojisola wrote: »

Children's views are taken into account much earlier than 16. Mother is either mistaken or lying.

12 is the often cited age for considering wishes and feelings but in my experience it can be earlier perhaps a mature 8 year old might be asked. Wishes and feelings will be told to a Judge via reports from Cafcass but the Judge will rule in the child's best interest which may go against the wants of the child.

EM

Edit: Depending on what age your child is you could suggest she speaks to the school counsellor and tells them her feelings about it all. Then an independent witness is able to verify what DD wants and can provide extra support.