Mortgage Free then getting married

tilamok

Hey All

I just wanted some of your views.

Say, You worked hard to pay off your mortgage. Then you meet a partner and thinking of getting married.

On a worst case scenario, you would lose half your assets if you get divorced.
Before getting married, would you get another mortgage on your existing house and hide that money in another account so that in the event of a divorce, your partner will incur half the outstanding mortgage rather than half your asset?

Beckyy

No, if I was marrying them then I would trust them enough not to have to hide my assets. I know a lot of marriages end in divorce now, but preparing for it before you're even married would just feel like planning for a failure to me.

If you don't trust them then either don't get married, or write up a prenup. Although I can see the benefits of preparing for the wrost, if the boot was on the other foot I wouldn't want to marry my partner if he just thought I was going to take him to the cleaners.

ViolaLass

If you don't trust them, why marry them?

Marie27lol

I am cynic too, so I had also thought about this. (hides away under a rock)

I had my OH sign a prenup (pre wedding) which are pretty much a piece of paper, but it does show intent to the divorce, to make NO claim on my previous house (which we will be renting). I was 90% mortgage free by the time he moved in, and was 1yr shy of paying off the mortgage when we married, so too all intents and purposes, I paid for it all.

On our new home, it is OURS. Deposit, costs, decorating everything has been shared etc. So if (touch his wooden head) do split, it only be the new house we will have to divide, and I will still have the other house as my pension pot.

Any rental income from the old house, will go towards a) building up the problem fund, b) new windows fund, c) when we have children we hope 1 of us to go part-time. So none of the monies from the rental will be going to pay for the new mortgage.

If you have managed through hard work and grit to make it, you do want to protect your interests, and I really, really think we have to think of these answers. Although we all want those 'rose tinted glasses'...

Fingers crossed though to us both, that we last the time eons

M

downsizer3

I didn't get married but we had a written legal agreement ( a minute) detailing the capital each put in at the outset when we bought the house - bottom line was - if it went pear shaped - we'd get out with what we came in with.
Thank goodness I did - fast forward 3 years - discovered ex's hidden gambling problem and mega-debts - and that piece of paper saved the day. It was still very hard to extract myself from his financial issues so they don't solve everything but I had some peace of mind at a very worrying time.
Cynical? Yes possibly - but it kept a roof over my kids head when their dad was hell bent on self destructing. An extreme example I know - but it does happen. :eek:

Hooloovoo

Beckyy wrote: »

preparing for it before you're even married would just feel like planning for a failure to me.

I never understand this argument.

If I have car insurance, does that mean I'm planning to have a crash? (aside from the legal requirement).

If I take out holiday travel insurance, does that mean I'm planning to break my leg while abroad?

A pre-nup is just an insurance policy like any other. It's not planning or hoping for anything to happen.

Sepa74

I think it depends why you want to do it.

If you want to do it because you have niggling doubts about your partner and money, then listen to your doubts and think things through carefully. Different attitudes to money are a major cause of marital breakdown.

If you want to do it because you want to protect your hard work to date in the event the worst happens, then I think that's fine.

The way you suggest going about it is an odd one, and makes me wonder whether your reasons for doing this are because you are having doubts.... be honest with yourself if that's the case and rethink the whole marriage.

And one other thing... if you're a guy, you will always be obliged to support your partner in caring for any children you have, even if that does mean she 'gets half the house I've worked for'. If you're not prepared for that, then don't get married and have kids, end of story.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but kids and their financial and emotional stability should always come first - and if the father has always worked (financial stability) and the mother has always done the cooking, taking days off work when they're ill, bandaging and hugs and kisses when they hurt themselves (emotional stability), then that's how it should be after the divorce, even if it does mean you end up giving up your house so they can all live in it together.

Beckyy

Hooloovoo wrote: »

I never understand this argument.

If I have car insurance, does that mean I'm planning to have a crash? (aside from the legal requirement).

If I take out holiday travel insurance, does that mean I'm planning to break my leg while abroad?

A pre-nup is just an insurance policy like any other. It's not planning or hoping for anything to happen.

I do entirely see your point but marriage is optional, unlike car insurance. You can be in a relationship without it, so if you don't want to commitments of sharing your lives that come with it then why bother in the first place? I'm not saying a pre-nup is a bad idea for some people though.

Hooloovoo

Beckyy wrote: »

I do entirely see your point but marriage is optional, unlike car insurance. You can be in a relationship without it, so if you don't want to commitments of sharing your lives that come with it then why bother in the first place? I'm not saying a pre-nup is a bad idea for some people though.

Yes, which is why I mentioned other forms of optional insurance.

House insurance - you want an earthquake to happen?

Contents insurance - you want to get burgled?

Phone insurance - you want to get mugged?

Life insurance - you want to die tomorrow?

Income insurance - you want to lose your job?

Health insurance - you want to get cancer?

Nobody wants any of the above to happen. Having a plan of action just in case they should happen in no way means that's how you expect the future to turn out, or that you are somehow not fully 100% committed to not dying tomorrow and living a full healthy life.

In exactly the same way having a pre-nup in no way means you want or expect a break up to happen.

Beckyy

Like I said, I do entirely see your point but it's just not one for me.

Spiggle

An unmarried couple have one child together and another child from a previous relationship. The mother inherits a house with no mortgage from a parent. The whole family move into the home.

The inheritance was always intended to provide a home for the mother and any children and was not intended as an asset to be sold off.

Very strong advice was offered to the mother that the inheritance had to be protected from any future break up of the relationship with the partner (who does not work). A co-habitation agreement was drawn up and the partner was given legal advice and signed willingly the agreement. (A statement of wishes and will for the mother was drawn up at the same time by the way.) It was always understood that should marriage occur then the agreement would be over-ridden unless a pre-nup was agreed and signed beforehand.

The couple has now split up and many thanks have been given for the strong firm advice on protecting this important asset - the mother and children's home.

No rose tinting, no bad feeling or cynical views, just a factual situation whereby the intentions of the deceased parent were respected and the asset of the mother protected.

Spigs