Trying for a baby next year - maternity leave?

tea_lover

One thing to bear in mind if your work offer enhanced maternity pay is that if you don't return to work there you may well have to pay this back. Just something to bear in mind when making calculations.

We're TTC and are basing any discussion on finances on purely SMP - that way there's less pressure to return to my job (which I hate anyway lol). I'm planning on going back to work, it would just be somewhere else.

mrs_sparrow

memoryoftrees wrote: »

Mildred, I appreciate the correction but actually it was right first time; I don't have a husband and will be trying for the baby as a single parent

Am I really going to be the only person who asks this.....

How you can 'try' for a baby as a single parent? You said 'I am going to try' so are this tricking someone into it or just by getting lucky down the pub? I am intrigued. Won't you be getting any money from the father at all? Will he know?

ETA: You also said in April you wanted to start saving for a house - but then in June you posted that you had a house which you bought in 2005 and then said you had been left a substantial sum of money and had bought another house with that money. Hmmmm..... Maybe I've been around too here long to wonder if this posting is not someone trolling.

mildred1978

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Am I really going to be the only person who asks this.....

How you can 'try' for a baby as a single parent? You said 'I am going to try' so are this tricking someone into it or just by getting lucky down the pub? I am intrigued. Won't you be getting any money from the father at all? Will he know?

.

I'm guessing either a trusted friend and a turkey baster or a sperm donor clinic. Neither are uncommon scenarios.

memoryoftrees

Hello

I'm definitely not a troll! I'm sorry if my post confused you but to be fair - most people who post about planning pregnancies don't go into detail about their sex lives! :rotfl:

At the moment, I am planning to use donated sperm - there are a number of ways to do this. I am inclined at the moment to use an Internet website (it is called prideangel.com if anybody is interested) where sperm is available :rotfl:(there's an interesting sentence!) There are a few options; the one I am leaning towards at the moment are the men who offer sperm without being a part in the child's life but who do have a contact email/telephone number so that the child can make contact at 18, if they so wish.

I will probably make a final decision next spring ready to TTC next summer.

I'm not sure in April I said I was saving for a house - I am going to go back and check and clarify matters!

Thank you Mildred!

memoryoftrees

Right, I understand! It's a v long and complicated story but back in April, I had a difficult situation because I lived a long way from work and was having no joy selling my house. Commuting costs were a nightmare and trying for a baby in the near future was very much at the forefront of my mind and so I was planning to buy a third property.

Thankfully I didn't need to because my house sold.

I do have two properties. It means that although I do have savings of sorts, they aren't ones I can access easily because all my money is tied up in property if you see what I mean.

I hope that clarifies matters - I have to say, while I apologise for having misled in any way, I am quite taken aback by how rude and personal your post was, making a lot of assumptions that are actually quite offensive.

You could easily have asked the same question in a non offensive and civil manner. Just pointing that out!

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry but I think you are being quite selfish! Children need Father's. I have been a single parent 12 years since my Son was a baby and not through choice. He would love a Dad and I feel so guilty that he don't have a male influence in his life, he feels left out cause his friends have Dads who do boy things with them but I can't do everything!! I can't tinker about with cars or build things very well. Please think carefully before you do this?

tea_lover

Deleted_User wrote: »

I'm sorry but I think you are being quite selfish! Children need Father's. I have been a single parent 12 years since my Son was a baby and not through choice. He would love a Dad and I feel so guilty that he don't have a male influence in his life, he feels left out cause his friends have Dads who do boy things with them but I can't do everything!! I can't tinker about with cars or build things very well. Please think carefully before you do this?

There are plenty of ways of having a male influence in a child's life without them necessarily knowing their biological father.

Also, just because you can't 'tinker about with cars' doesn't mean that the OP can't! Lots of women are great at this, just as lots of men are great at baking.

memoryoftrees

Hi Joanne

I have thought very carefully indeed before doing this - in fact, I have been preparing for this since summer 2010, so two years ago now.

I would have loved to have got married and to have had the traditional family set up but unfortunately things have not worked out that way. I agree in fact that I am being selfish - but really, no more so than any other person who wants a baby. Having children is in a sense a selfish act - we have children because we want them.

I'm not too bad at tinkering around with cars as it happens but I think I can offer a bit more than that! My child will have an extremely secure and stable home which is financially sound, and he or she will be loved and adored and have their every need met.

Fathers are important, I agree - but if you don't have one available, what then? It's really the only box I can't tick: everything else is perfectly in place. You have raised your son despite a father - what would you have said if somebody had told you that you were selfish and you should have given him up for adoption to a couple with both parents? Would you have given it any credence or would you have ignored it and done the best job you could?

cutestkids

Hi OP

Good luck with trying for a baby.

As a teacher have you thought about doing some private tutoring for the next year you could put anything you make from this aside as a rainy day fund to fall back on while on maternity leave.

That way you would be able to enjoy your time with the baby instaed of stressing about the finances.

memoryoftrees

Definitely - I'm also hoping to do some exam marking which would be a really useful nest-egg to put towards a mternity fund! Thank you