Aunt has just been diagnosed with cancer...

coinxoperated

Hi all,

Sorry for another sad post. There seems to be a glut of them on the board this morning.

I've just heard the news from one of my uncles that my Aunts has just been diagnosed with Bone Cancer. She had breast cancer many years ago and had a breast removed.

Its been 7 years since I last spoke or saw her or my uncle and that was at my Mums funeral after she had herself died of Cancer. I was 15 and my sister was 12.

I really don't want to just turn up at the hospital while shes undergoing chemotherapy with flowers and a get well card. I think she would feel we were turning up to say goodbye and especially as we have not had any contact for so long with them I feel its not appropriate to visit someone in such a traumatic part of their lives.

The lack of contact hasn't been intentional, time has just passed and for a long while we have lived very large distances apart.

We really are not the closest of families, infact most of my family I haven't seen since my mums funeral. There were a couple of members of our family that creeped out the woodwork, offered lots of support while my mum was ill and then disappeared again. I'll be honest, it angered us a lot. They didn't bother with us before, they just wanted to show the family they were doing there 'bit' and then didn't even call me or my sister to see how we were doing. Considering we were so young when it happened...

Anyway, me and my younger sister wanted to write my aunty a letter just detailing really that we are thinking of her, we know shes a strong woman, and that not seeing her has never been intentional. This is what we plan on writing:

Dear xxx,

We were saddened to hear about your recent illness and felt we wanted to write you a letter to show our support. Although we have not seen or spoken to you in recent years, we have very fond memories of you and xxxxx and coming round to visit and see the budgies and fish.
We both just wanted to say that we wish you the very best of luck and we know you will get better soon. You are a strong woman and that has always shown through in everything you do. We remember you and xxxxx were line dancing at xxxxx and xxxxx wedding when we were little and we were so envious! We went home and tried to do it in our bedroom!
As you know, we lost our mum to cancer 7 years ago. It was a very sad time for us, but we felt we wanted to give you some support and let you know that we are thinking of you. We didn’t want to just turn up at the hospital with flowers as we would never be able to say what we want to in person and you will need rest as you get better.
Regardless of us not seeing your or xxxx in a very long time, we still think about you both and as soon as we heard about your illness, we felt we had to let you know that we are here wishing you get better as soon as possible. Its sad that time goes by so quickly and its been so long since we have been in any contact with you.
We are grown up now. xxxxx 27 and xxxx 25. We both work full time. xxxxx working with xxxxx andxxxx is due to go to University next year. Our mum was a massive influence in our lives and although she isn’t here now, everything we do we keep her in mind and hope she is proud of us.
We know you will get better soon and wish you the very best. Keep strong and don’t forget that we are here with everything crossed for you. You’re a lovely and strong person and we know you will come out of the other side of this.
Take care


Do you think this is appropriate? I did not want to dwell on the illness, but try and remember the good memories we have and try and give her some inspiration if possible.

LEJC

I think a letter is a lovely idea....I do have a few reservations over what you have written,and they mainly centre around the comments about you knowing she will get better....I understand the sentiment but its not always the case with cancer and sadly she may not get better and that is the reason your uncle may have taken the decision to tell you of her condition now....perhaps you could include that you are thinking of her and wishing her strength.
I think its lovely that you have told her about fond memories in the past and lovely that you have told her a little bit about your lives now,perhaps you could extend the letter to if she wishes to contact you both you would be honoured to visit her...that way the ball is in her court for contact with you...she may want to see what lovely people you have become since she last saw you.

Ihope all goes well for you and your aunt and you are able to deal with the challenges ahead.

BitterAndTwisted

I think it's a very nice letter but I would take out the bit about "knowing she will get better soon" as that's not certain. Maybe "hope for a full recovery" would be more appropriate. Still, I expect she will appreciate the sentiment in any case.

scooby088

A letter or card would be a good idea, going to the hospital or home maybe a step too far if you have had no contact for 7 years.

I found out that my uncle had untreatable cancer only a few weeks before he had died but I hadn't seen him for about 15 years so I couldn't see the point in making contact with him.

bright_side

I too think it's a lovely, lovely letter, but agree with other posters that saying you know she will get better is not a good idea. Sadly, no one can know that. I remember saying it to my big sis and the words still haunt me today.

coinxoperated

Thank you so much for your feedback.

It's funny you all mentioned about the ' will get better ' bit as my sister wanted that bit in and I was also unsure about it!

I will put that I hope she makes a full recovery I will also leave her our addressess and contact numbers if she wants us to visit or catch up with us at some point. If I had seen her regularly obviously seeing her in person would of been simple, but I, as some of you have said, feels its just not appropriate given the amount of stress and upset she'll be under at this moment.

Scrapaholic

Just to say I think it's a nice idea for the letter and to send your good wishes to you aunt . We know by your post that your aunt has bone cancer but we don't know what stage it's at . It's possible that she may be able to have treatment to let her enjoy some quality of life . I had a friend who had this as a result of having breast cancer first and she had various treatments to help her remain active . I hope this will be the case for your aunt .I'm sure she'll appreciate you're thinking of her .

DUKE

Sorry to hear about your aunt, I really do hope that she makes it. Send the letter with your phone number & address as I have a feeling that your aunt would absolutely love to see you & your sister.

kerrypn

OP I am so sorry to hear your Aunt has been diagnosed with Bone cancer.

I just wanted to reiterate what others said about references to getting better, and maybe less in about your mum's illness-although I realise how sad this is for you and your sister, I know when My grandad was diagnosed with stomach cancer after my dad had died 4 years before of Oesophageal cancer, it was too painful to even compare the two of them, I think it was because my dad was so strong and still lost the battle if you like, and we wanted my grandad to beat it so badly

On another note, unless you have fallen out, I think she would be pleased to see you. I would certainly try and phone/ask if you are able to come and visit earlier rather than later, espcially if she will be having a long course of treatment, she may feel more up to visitors now (a welcome distraction?) than when any side effects have kicked in.

So sorry again to hear about your Aunt and I hope you do manage to get in touch xxxx