never enough time (terminally ill friend)

WolfSong2000

This is more a vent/rant than anything else...just found out this morning through a mutual friend that a good friend of mine who lives in America has been rushed to hospital and it's not looking good...she's terminally ill (cancer), but only a few weeks back had been told it was looking good (all things being considered) and that she had months, if not years.

Anyhow, turns out the chemo has given her an embolism near her heart, so she coded, had to be put on a ventilator and is now barely breathing on her own...

It's just all happened so suddenly. She was meant to be meeting up with friends from all over the USA (and ideally me, but I was unable to afford the airfare) for a music concert next week. I've been feeling really guilty about not seeing her (last time I saw her in person was 3 years ago, but we still keep in touch via the net, and she sent me some peanut butter brittle she'd made herself last christmas - not that I got a look-in. My family ate it all within 24 hours!), and as I am jobless there's no way I can realistically afford an airfare to go visit and now it's looking as if it's too late.

Last time I visited her, she was in remission from breast cancer, which she'd beaten, but this time the cancer has come back with a vengeance and is in her brain, lungs, bones, etc, hence the terminal diagnosis...still, she's still been working (part time) and going on holidays with her family (her daughter Katie has just graduated high school).

The mutual friend who told me that she'd been admitted has also just posted pictures of the event where the three of us met for the first time, and seeing how happy we all were makes me want to cry. I can still see my friend and her husband so clearly - how wonderfully friendly they were, and how much we bth struggled to understand one another initially (she's from North Carolina and has a *very* strong accent). We had such a blast at that event, though (it was a music concert in Vegas - same band she was planning to see next week as a sort of reunion).

The last time I saw her was at a similar concert reunion three years ago. Again, we all had a great time (despite me contracting food poisoning! haha). I've got so many great memories of the time we've spent together...it pains me to think we wont be able to enjoy that again. That and I worry for her daughter and her husband...the whole family have been through so much. It always seems like bad things are happening to good people .

To top it off, another really good friend of mine - a delightfully eccentric older gentleman who lives in Wales (I live in South England) mentioned he'd been diagnosed with cancer as well, and it's not looking good for him...he's going into hospital for aggressive treatment to see what can be done. This chap has been a real inspiration for me as he's a really driven guy and once he has a goal he wont stop until he gets what he wants (for instance I've been told there's a phrase among the foreign office staff called "have you been Toby'd?", in reference to his repeated attempts to make contact with whoever he needs ad often as he needs to get something done (yes, his name is Toby ). I'm hoping that drive and determination will help him out in his health battle, but at the end of the day, while he may be tough as old boots, time is not on his side, age wise.

It just seems like all the people I am losing I am losing to cancer...one aunt died last year from cancer, another 2 years before that (sadly she was heading toward remission at the time) and my mother has recurrent malignant melanoma skin cancer - the most deadly kind. Touch wood she's managed to beat it, but for how much longer?

Apologies for the depressing rant...I'm just so upset and frustrated right now The news today about the friend who I haven't seen in a good while is just the icing on the cake.

bright_side

Really sorry to hear your sad news.

I feel the same as you, I lost my sister (aged 44) to brain cancer going on 5 years ago and my Dad to lymphoma earlier this year. I have an uncle with lung cancer, a cousin (aged 32) with a tumour next to her spinal cord and a colleague with breast cancer. All are currently undergoing chemo.

It's almost a case of 'who's going to be next?'

It must be awful for you being so far away from your friend and it's a real s**t that this has happened so soon to your planned reunion

Just try to keep remembering those good times xx

squidge60

Sorry no words really didnt want to read and run ((hugs)) x

Scrapaholic

Really sorry to read your post and the awful times that you and your loved ones are going through . There's nothing I can write to make it better . We've lost friends and relatives from this terrible illness in the last few years . Sometimes we have a few tears that they're no longer with us but we remember many happy times together . Best wishes .

mountainofdebt

One of my work colleagues recently did a sponsered something or other other for a cancer charity and commented that with the money raised you would have thought that by now a cure for cancer woud have been found.

I don't know how well it went down but as as I said cancer, by its definition is a mutating disease and as far as I was concerned it understanding the mutation that will provide the treatment

OP yes it is hard for you at the mo but it's much harder for your friends at the moment.....but if it was me I would want you to be you .....not some sicofant (pardon the spelling) version.

ie if I was being !!! then tell me

dottygirl

I am so sorry to read your post. Its hard however we all have to die. I lost a daughter when she was 11, my dad and my beloved gran so I dont say this without experience. Have you got time to write your friend a letter telling her how much she means to you. When the time comes you could write something on a card attach it to a balloon and let it go. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs x

amyloofoo

I'm another who didn't want to read and run :grouphug:

WolfSong2000

Thank you all...found out from our mutual friend that my friend, Beth, has now been moved to a hospice. My hear breaks for her family - especially her poor daughter . She was working up until wednesday and admitted to the hospital thursday morning.

It's terrible to hear how many people have been affected by cancer. And to mountain of debt, yes, I realise how lucky I am to be cancer free. I had a cancer scare when I was 18 (subsequently got the all clear).