Butti's Journey: A matter of loaf and death

beanielou

Butti~Draw a line under your mistake & move on.
No need to dwell on it~i'm sure no one else is.

Speechless at your dad 'cooking' for you

Have a good weekend.

Butti

beanielou wrote: »

Speechless at your dad 'cooking' for you

As speechless as me then Beanie when asked to identify his best characteristic!!!!

Butti

Talking of balanced meals....this evening I've had a raspberry crumble slice in one hand, a Greggs sausage cheese and bean melt in the other and half a pint of lager in the middle.
Balanced I'm sure you'll agree

Butti

Well what a strange day. Lets deal with the upbeat things first, although I'm feeling anything but....

CDL £10,000 [STRIKE]£8207[/STRIKE] £7779 paid off 22.2%
Dad £7000 £0 100% paid off
Friend £280 £0 100% paid off
Virgin CC £3350 [STRIKE]£2520[/STRIKE] £2460 [STRIKE]25%[/STRIKE] 36% paid off
HSBC CC £4404 £0 100% paid off 18% APR!!!
M&S CC £1188 [STRIKE]£1169[/STRIKE] £1096 [STRIKE]4%[/STRIKE]7% paid off
HBOS CC £1430 [STRIKE]£1416[/STRIKE]£1385 [STRIKE]1.7%[/STRIKE] 3.2% paid off

Can't even remember what the starting number was? Somewhere around £30k?
Now at £12,720

Just a bit flat today because I am incredibly stressed.
Stressed because I have an appointment on Tuesday to replace my lost passport, which will arrive in the following week before I go to Germany on the Thursday.:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

But really more stressed because we are at year end and one of my colleagues has had an IMMENSE amount of pressure applied to her and I've just been able to watch and not do anything. There was something really horrendous about being trapped in the office with someone with an incredible amount of stress in the air. There is some deep deep parallel in there with being trapped in the house at an early age with the same atmosphere.

Don't know what I can do to prepare for it next year though.
I felt like crying in the office and what would that look like (when it's not even your scheme!!!)
Anyone got any ideas. It has quite frightened me how threatened I felt today and it was entirely irrational.

Ellidee

Butti I don't think that it was irrational, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said ' There is some deep parallel in there with being trapped in the house at an early age with the same atmosphere'

Maybe the stress in the air triggered some sort of emotional memory ? A sort of flashback ? Sounds very potent and perhaps you should think about exploring it with some counselling. Hope you are ok and that you don't mind my observations . Take care :grouphug:

beanielou

Agree with Ellidee.
Take care xx

Butti

Well I don't think I need counselling although a good support group wouldn't go amiss.
BUT thank you for your words. It did make me sit down and think...and I remembered...
See I had counselling about 5 years ago and she was very good. She had a white board and took a polaroid at the end of each session of her scribblings. She also gave me a thought record.

So what I need to do (before tomorrow which may be equally horrendous) is get a pen and paper and work out what my head was doing saying. That's what I've just done.

It seems from the level of tension and stress I went back into trapped in living room with a very angry father who is very likely to explode and extremely likely to hit you. I suspect I need to get through a few more days like yesterday just to convince myself I am safe and I am going to be supported by my work colleages. The people I work with are great. They are just the polar opposite of what I have grown up with and that takes some getting used to.

elantan

Butti, can you maybe do some NLP techniques when it happens ? Was going to write a big explanation there but it didn't make sense even to me and I know what I mean ... Will phone you if you fancy and talk you through it

Let me know if I can help

elantan

http://m.dummies.com/how-to/content/overcoming-fears-with-the-nlp-fast-phobia-cure.html



Ah ha this says it better

Butti

Thanks chuck. I shall have a read and then ring you.