Partners Ex Blackmail/Child Maintenance

clearingout

the court process is a lot longer than 10 days - mum will need to be notified and allowed to put forward her arguments. More than likely, CAFCASS get invovled after a first hearing....it's not a quick process. Again - not an expert - there may be ways of speeding it up that I'm not aware of which is where your reading comes in and asking the right questions

kevin137

I know you used to be able to apply ex-parte for custody if there was a fear of abuse etc, but it wouldn't fit here.

Also, having read what you wrote about the ex having him arrested before etc, it would just add to the problems, so probably not a good idea.

You would need to at least consult a solicitor about what your options are, which you would probably get for free anyway if only 15 minutes, it would give you an idea.

I know it is not what you want to say, but most cases involve some stuff about money, and i can see why this is important to you. I mean, why should she benefit from all the CB CTC WTC and then have there father pay huge money as well when they stay with him more than her...! But try not to let the money influence you. Leave the money well out of it and don't think about it, pay what you need and find another solution that suits you better.

Speak to a solicitor and let us know how you get on...

PrincessPlaty

kevin137 wrote: »

I know it is not what you want to say, but most cases involve some stuff about money, and i can see why this is important to you. I mean, why should she benefit from all the CB CTC WTC and then have there father pay huge money as well when they stay with him more than her...! But try not to let the money influence you. Leave the money well out of it and don't think about it, pay what you need and find another solution that suits you better.

The thing is though via the CSA he only needs to pay £160 and she is demanding £400 or he can't see the kids, leaving us struggling while she is receiving over a grand and a half in cash between him and the benefits system every month and thatsn without her council tax and everything else being paid! :mad:

Solicitor was emailed yesterday (she was in court) so hopefully we will hear back from her today.

kevin137

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

The thing is though via the CSA he only needs to pay £160 and she is demanding £400 or he can't see the kids, leaving us struggling while she is receiving over a grand and a half in cash between him and the benefits system every month and thatsn without her council tax and everything else being paid! :mad:

Solicitor was emailed yesterday (she was in court) so hopefully we will hear back from her today.

If that is the case, then go through the CSA and apply for shared custody, it will free up the money to pay for a solicitor for you, but the down side is you will have access withheld in the meantime.

There is no quick solution that i can think of now, and unless you want to be held to ransom for another 10 years it is better sorted now while the damage would to be less to the children than it would in another 5 years time...

It is not what you need or want to hear i'm sure but unfortunately that is how vicious some parents can be, both NRP and PWC you have to do what is right for you and for the children, but they will always come 1st in a court of law, so the mother while maybe unfit will probably be listened too much more then the NRP, it is not right this happens, which is why you need all the evidence you can get, diaries etc.

Good luck with your fight and hope the solicitor gets back to you soon.

PrincessPlaty

Heard back from the solicitors about an hour ago they had received a letter from her solicitor advising that she has changed her mind about contact and she only wants him to have them for one weekend fri and sat nights every fortnight and that is it.

Also pleading poverty about how she needs more money, she has either lied about what he r income is to her solicitors or they have got it wrong. She is claiming that she is receiving £147 a month in income support......
Yet she is getting her hair and nails done, she is down the pub all the time i could carry on.

Along with a bill from the solicitors of £800 but for the past 2 months.

If he goes through the CSA now based on what she is saying he will have to pay the £400 anyway and she knows this.

This whole thing is going to bankrupt us the way it is going.

He did an SOA earlier and it worked out after he had paid her he had £328 a month. With £400 a month solicitor bills and set to get higher if he takes it to court. Looks like we are going to be up !!!!!! creek without a paddle.

kevin137

Look at doing the court case yourself. It is not as frightening as it seems...!

I did mine for years, the judge will make allowances for your inexperience, and you can get away with saying a lot more than a solicitor can as he has to keep within boundaries set by law.

You have nothing to lose as it costs almost nothing to do yourself, so try it.

But don't give up...!

Also, don't forget that you can still choose to go through the CSA and supply evidence as to the overnight contact you have, she would have to prove otherwise, and her saying to her solicitor is not proof. Just like keeping a diary is questionable, but with time stamped photos backing it up, she would be chasing for months to get an increase if they believe you.

PrincessPlaty

OH is on his way home from work now, I spoke to him just after the last post I made.

He has come to the realisation that he is going to lose everything at the moment.

The only plan that I can come up with at the moment is for him to go bankrupt, it is going to sound harsh but I will explain the situation.

The house she is living in is in joint names with a joint mortgage, if he was to go bankrupt they would repossess the house. It is in around 20k negative equity. The mortgage is also in arrears. They won't remove his name from the mortgage because of the arrears, and even if they did based on her current income, credit rating, and the fact she has never worked a day in her life other than laying on her back with her legs wide open she would not get a mortgage solely.

She is telling her solicitors that she is still paying the mortgage, however the only thing that she is paying towards it is the interest payment she is receiving through benefits. Northern Rock have confirmed the amounts they are receiving.

Now ok this would potentially leave her and the children in the position of being homeless, but there is ample space for them here, they have their own rooms, own beds, own clothes etc etc.

When he left he offered to pay for her to move into somewhere private, months rent up front, deposit, fees, and removal costs and told her she could take anything she wanted from the house. Baring in mind she had never put a penny into the house. She refused to leave the house and they attempted to live in the same house with him sleeping on the sofa, she made his life unbearable that he ended up leaving. She has since changed the locks on the house and has refused to give him a key.

If this happens the council won't rehouse her straight away she will be put into some sort of hostel/ bed and breakfast type accommodation whilst they look into her homeless application. It won't be in the area and she will have major difficulties getting the kids to school.
Im thinking with a major stressful situation like that for her she will either decide that she can't cope and ask him to have the kids at which point he would then go for the residency order. Or someone in authority will see what is going on and will also make a report to social services and it will be looked at more seriously, and then have the possibility of them placing the children with their dad. Either that or them offering her help and support to get rehoused in the area of the childrens schools, either private or council so that her rent was paid by LHA and she then could not play the I need the money to pay the mortgage card.

Running out of options rapidly now.

Mojisola

Have you been in touch with any of the Fathers' Rights support groups?

There will be people there who have been through this and will help step-by-step.

kevin137

The issue with the house is entirely separate from anything to do with custody and or maintenance.

However, interest only would leave her in a situation that would render her homeless anyway should she reach the end of the mortgage period. Unless she could refinance again.

Where they married, and if so, has a divorce been started...? This could potentially be a way to get his name removed from the mortgage, but filling for bankruptcy will not have much bearing on the family home, i say this because the mortgage is being paid and in negative equity, so there is no benefit in a bankruptcy court including it when it is in joint names, but it may get his name of the mortgage, you need to speak to a specialist in this field.

What i am trying to say is going bankrupt over a home you are living in should not even be a consideration in my view. Unless it is to try to make things awkward for his ex, then it is something you really should not consider as it will backfire horrendously...

The options are simple, get the custody access sorted quickly, do it yourself...! Make an application through the CSA for maintenance immediately after this so there is no confusion about what is paid and where it goes. And move on with your life and don't let her interfere in the way she is... It will only stress you worry you and affect how you deal with daily problems. Easier said than done i know, but there are many of us who have been through this...!!!

I did my own contact court case, the 1st one back in 1995 and a total of 37 appearances in court and i sorted it how i wanted. I did it again in 2001 for my daughter and the ex in that continuously breached the order until she was committed to prison...! That was the amusing one, as her solicitor had convinced her that this would never happen as i had no representation...! I gave my side, including transcript of what the judge had previously said about it being a last chance, and when it went back, i reminded him of his last chance previously and that it made a mockery of his own words to keep giving another last chance, he considered this and decided that yes, a committal was suitable.

So don't give up, and keep going it is always possible...!

weepingtree

Hi there, first let me say how sad I feel for the children firstly and of course yourselves.

There is no way she can be getting only £147 pm in income support.

On a 4 weekly basis if she is over 25 she should be recieving £284.

4 weekly for the child benefit it should be £134.80.

And 4 weekly the child tax credit should be around £488.80.

This I think comes to a total of £841.60 on a 4 weekly basis

As you said she is getting her rent and council tax paid so this above total would be roughly what she would have to spend on the family each month so if you add in the £400 from your oh you should get a rough idea of what she has coming in.

Hope this helps and hugs from me, I really feel for you.